Critique my english paper!

[FurankuS]

I need some input on this paper (good, bad, horrific grammar errors), so DISCUSS.

A Ninja in the hand is worth two in the Dojo

Are you a Ninja? Do you even know what a Ninja is? If you are living in America currently than it is quite likely you do. Even if you do know what a Ninja is, what separates the riffraff from the great Ninja? Would you be a good Ninja? Almost everyone has some sort of Ninja-like trait. For example, Ninja are usually strong, and Mr. T is strong. Would this make Mr. T a Ninja? Furthermore, would he be good at it? This question is a difficult one to answer. Although Ninja may differ vastly from one another, a truly “good” Ninja is defined by his expertise in stealth, secret dojo, magic powers, and most importantly of all, a cool costume.

One of the defining characteristics of a good Ninja is his stealth. Without any sneakiness, how would a Ninja penetrate an enemy compound (or, for that matter, hide the hundreds of guard corpses)? An excellent example of a stealthy Ninja would be the Cyborg Ninja from Metal Gear Solid (a game for the Sony Playstation). This Ninja’s stealth comes from a suit of optical camouflage that renders him invisible (much like the alien in the movie Predator). Naturally, he is able to do whatever he wants without fear of detection, a luxury that most Ninja would kill for (no pun intended). When it comes to Ninja stealth equipment, there are none that compare to the Cyborg Ninja’s suit. Other Ninja, of course, are not so lucky, and have to rely on the age old techniques of concealment to disguise themselves. Another good example of proper Ninja concealment skills would be the superhero Batman’s alter ego Bruce Wayne. Wayne has mastered stealth by having two separate identities. He is able to fight crime as Batman, protecting the world from evil, and at the same is able to live a normal, non-aggressive life (as normal of a life as the richest man in the city could live, at least). Obviously, concealment is key to a Ninja’s success.

The next major defining factor of a “good” Ninja would be his possession of a secret dojo or shrine to live and train in. All good businesses need a base of operations, so why should the business of killing people for money be any different? An excellent example of a Ninja dojo can be found in the film American Ninja. In this film, the villain owns a large mansion (that was probably bought with drug money; the movie was made in the eighties, after all) in the Philippines. However, it is really a front for his band of Ninja mercenaries, who are using the grounds to train themselves. Thus somewhat unorthodox dojo is nigh invincible (against all but the movie’s hero, of course) due to the constant watch kept by Ninja guards. Yet another film example would be the Ninja dojo in Beverly Hills Ninja. It is quite the secluded dojo, with extensive training facilities (and Chris Farley). This film even shows how loyal a Ninja will be to his Dojo. As part of the Ninja-in-training’s final acceptance into the clan, they are branded with a kettle of boiling water, forever linking them to their fellow Ninja. A Ninja’s dojo is as much a place of belonging as it is a place of rest.

The third defining trait of a good Ninja, magic, is also the most underused. In this age of increasing realism, Ninja magic (or “jutsu”) is seen as something old and archaic. An excellent example of Ninja magic would be that used by Ryu Hayabusa in the Ninja Gaiden series of games. In addition to the standard shuriken and swords, Ryu is able to shoot fireballs and project doubles of himself above and below himself. These illustrate one of the cardinal rules of Ninja jutsu, which mandates that fireballs and magic doubles must be present. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule. In the GI Joe series of games, movies, television shows, lunch boxes, and every other thing that has ever been sold in the known history of the western world, the character Snake Eyes makes use of non-fire Ninja jutsu projectiles. His, in contrast to the regular red fireballs, is a blue “Jutsu of Power”. In the case of his games, at least, this is the only Ninja magic he is able to utilize. Perhaps this is symbolic of the decline of Ninja jutsu in modern Ninja society? The more likely solution is that with technology moving forward as it is, jutsu is being surpassed by devices (such as optical camouflage) that require much less training and meditation. No matter what new technologies are developed, Ninja jutsu will always be remembered for its place in history.

Finally, the most important defining trait of a good Ninja is a cool costume. A Ninja can have a dojo, magic powers, and stealth, but without a cool costume to tie it all together the whole ensemble falls apart. One of the largest supporters of traditional black Ninja costume is Sho Kosugi, an actor who has been in so many Ninja films that it probably wouldn’t be unreasonable to call him “Mr. Ninja”. In the Ninja series of films, he (along with his enemies) can be seen wearing the almost cliché black pajamas. Due in part to this, there is a common misconception that a Ninja’s costume must be black. Contrary to this belief, a great many Ninja have vastly different color schemes gracing their uniforms. The greatest example of a non-black costume would be Storm Shadow, the evil counterpart to the aforementioned GI Joe Ninja Snake Eyes. He seems to be an everyday Ninja, other than the fact that his uniform is the total opposite of black; that is to say, his clothes are white! This illustrates a good rule of thumb that can be followed when looking at Ninja uniforms. In general, the brightness of a costume is equal to the boldness of the Ninja wearing it, except in the case of black (which is bold as it is, since all Ninja are bold by default). Thus, a Ninja wearing a dark navy costume can be assumed to have less confidence than a Ninja wearing a bright yellow costume covered in red polka dots (if a Ninja would ever even choose to wear a costume that looked that way). There is a lot that can be read about a Ninja by their costume that would be lost on the uninformed.

As has been shown, four seemingly simple rules govern whether or not a Ninja can be considered good or bad. He must be stealthy, using either legitimate techniques or advances in modern technology. He must have a dojo, shrine, or similar sanctuary where he can rest or train newer generations. He must have magic powers, be they shooting fireballs, projecting double images, or spraying acidic lightning bolts from their eyes. Most importantly of all, they must have a cool costume, black or otherwise. So, how would Mr. T hold up as a Ninja? He is definitely not stealthy, since his favorite way of entering a building is through a hole he makes in a wall. His van would function quite well as a safe place, and there he could teach others how to drive the van, clean the van, and maintain the van. He does not have magic powers per se, but his necklaces could blind someone if it was bright outside. However, he does not have a Ninja uniform, so for now he is not a good Ninja (if he is a Ninja at all). I’m sure that other Ninja are happy to hear it.

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So there it is in its entirety. If the plagarizing software picks this up then MONKEY MONKEY FIRETRUCK BEEP BEEP TOM WROTE THIS.