How to Get a Girlfriend

[James]

As told by SolidSnakeAss

-Pick out a girl
-Go up to her, and say she reminds you of Noel Gallagher. She will be flattered.
-Tell her about your extensive DVD collection, including The Princess Diaries: Special Edition, and the Pauly Shore collection.
-Invite her back to your house so she can watch you spend hours on a message board, throwing out lame insults and acting like you're better than anyone who hasn't had sex (even if it is with uggos and fatties). She will become aroused by this act.
-Turn off the lights, put on "Champagne Supernova," and proceed to clumsily plow into her belly button for approximately 2 minutes.

She will now be yours FOREVER.