Agh I'm so fucking miserable right now.

[Jeanette X]

Christ what a shit day I'm having. I felt fine, I took a compazine (my anti-nausea medication for the mysterious stomach ailment that has been making me fucking crazy), I ate some McDonalds, went to work....and got the fucking dry heaves. Again. I was so upset and anxious. I started to cry, because I if I keep having to leave the drugstore due to illness maybe they'll fire me. I told my manager about this and I told him I was quitting and he said he had nobody to replace me (despite the fact that would-be applicants seem to dropping off applications EVERY other DAY), and I cried and said I was sorry and he was like "oh well".

I called my mother and she said not to give the 2 week notice unless they asked for it so I went and said I wasn't quitting after all and that I was so so sorry and that I'd try my damndest to work when I was scheduled and that I was sorry for letting him down and having to leave all the time because of nausea. He was kind of like "Oh well", not in a way that was blaming me but his frustration was evident and he told me he was under a lot of stress due to inventory coming up and I felt so rotten for letting him down.
I went home and I took a Xanax to try to cope with the anxiety and I lay down but I couldn't rest. My nausea was bad and I got the dry heaves again and I was so sick and tired of it that I just pushed my fingers down my throat and vomited just to get it over with. My mom says that maybe it was the fact that I ate fried food at McDonalds that set it off but I'd eaten there before and she says that I should eat blander, simpler meals at home from now on instead of going out to eat.

Forgive my run-on sentences and piss-poor grammar, I'm just very upset right now. I'm also suffering from these awful feelings of derealization along with anxiety about my job. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization if you don't know what it is. Oh christ I feel so awful. I wish my friend Paul was home so I could call him, he's always so reassuring and he makes me feel so much better.