May 9th, 2004, 06:11 PM
Toy Frog Dissection Kit!
This is a pretty old story. Bear with me. and note that I do NOT really want to kill animals and small children.
Well, several years back, I went to buy a copy of Simcity 2000. (I heard it was supposed to be a fun simulator. It was fun but complicated. But that's another story, for another day, when I drink enough soda to drvie me into a sugar-induced message board spree...) I asked where they sell it, and they said in two places. The Smithstonian Museum Store and some seedy little computer store. Seeing as I was about 20 feet away from the Smithstonian store, In went there. I as looking around, when I found...
A DISSECT A FROG KIT!
Now, I was excited, and had to decide whether to dissect a frog, or buy the "Chemistry Set". Potential explosives or gutty fun... which is my choice? Deciding that the chemistry set wouldn't have anything particularly poisonous and/or explosive, meaning I couldn't kill insects, animals, and small children, I went with the dissection kit. Now, you had to make a toy frog (which had wicked cool skin-- imagine jello fused with playdogh). When I opened it up, I saw a lot of stuff. Frog skin mix (about a pint of the stuff, althought it was just powder-- you added water), a mold, and the plastic bones and organs. I put my frog together, but realized I screwed up when I saw his kidney peeking through an eye socket. I made the skeleton right, put it in the mold, mixed the skin with water, and waited for it to solidize. I waited an hour, but my efforts weren't futile. I had a frog to dissect!
As I took my plastic scalpel (forgot to mention it in the pieces. Oops!), I was having problems about what to do with the victim. I could rip the flesh off is skull and put a pin in its brain, or cut off the arms and legs. So many torture options! At the end, I decided to cut it open like one of those snack cereal boxes. You know, with the two flaps on the end, so you didn't have to get a bowl. Being quite a lazy bastard, I chose this. Turns out Rice Krispies DO taste better coated in frog guts! After my meal, it still was in OK condition.Sure it had a huge gash in its back, but plenty of frogs have lived through worse. So I got a bit of string and hung it off the balcony haning over the living room. He still seemed OK, so I took it to torture.
"So, you don't wanna die, huh? I'm not gonna kill you in a messy way, as I'm cleaning you up. So, tell me how to kill you without blowing frog skin all over my house. Or else there may be dire consequences..." I said, holding a plastic frog in my hand. I got no answer, so I chucked it into the furnace. That slippery shithead was tough!
"Ok, now you wanna save your papa?" I said, holding a huge stuffed frog. (Don't ask why I have all this stuff-- I just never threw any of it out.) No response.I got the string used for our friend, and hung the big frog. only for him, it worked.
"Last chance..." I said, holding what was the frog's best friend, a similar kit with a caveman made of ice. it was ice and a person, but almost exactly the smae as the frog. The plastic hearts were exactly the smase color. The caveman was the frog's best friend, and he was about to face a gory death. No reply. Angrily, I took a hammer, smashed ice boy open, ripped out his guts and shoved them in the frog's slice. I then tried anging him again, but thinking that maybe it was the inside air, and maybe I could use physical torture, I took him outside.
This is where things got ugly. I hung the slimy rebel from a tree branch, and got my hose.I had on the nozzle I had gotten for it, which allowed me to vary the pressure. I set the hose to sprinkle.
"Why won't you die?"No answer. so I hit him with a blast of water.
"Let's try this agian..." I said with an evil grin as i set the hose to drizzle. "how do you die?" He ignored me again, so I hit him. But this was exciting-- when I hit him, his skin ran a little! His main part of his skin was his downfall! I got a bowl, placed it under the hanging frog, and turned the nozzle to force jet, the highest setting.
"You can avoid this..." I told him, as a final warning to a doomed man. But, as he gave me the cold shoulder for the final time, I got pissed. I took the hose and had a great time melting the flesh off him.
Anyone else have similar stories about these dissection kits? Post 'em here!
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