The Green Bean

[kellychaos]

As I have neither garbage disposal nor dishwasher, I rely on my trusty trapper/stopper to stop food-stuffs from going down my drain. Usually, with keen eye, I stop these interlopers from reaching the front lines of my wash basin with a simple scrape into the garbage; however, every once in a while, one of the clever bastards manages to get behind enemy lines. Call it camouflage ... give it a name ... whatever. The fact is that this cannot be tolerated. So there I was, having finished the dishes and pulled the plunger on the trapper-stopper, awaiting only the glorious gurgle of the last remaining teaspoons of soapy water to exit my drain in a Palmolive vortex, thus signifying the satisfaction of a job well done. That's when I noticed this story's anatagonist ... the green been. With soapy hand, I attempted to grab the scoundrel, only to have it slip trhough my hand ... adrift in thje vortex and making it's way to the now open drain. Egads! My sneaky nemesis was looking to undo me in plumbing damages. I made a last desperate attempt to snag the green demon before it entered the dark, gaping maw. This time I was more successful, but, having pulled it free of the dangers of the wash basin, my green enemy freed itself from my grasp and fell unto the kitchen floor. I immediately spied the fiend in his escape attempt. I was laughing impudently ... Nay! Mockingly ... at me from the kitchen floor. "Never darken my door again, Green One!", I scowled as I reached down to pick up the laughing legume.

End Part 1. Please tune in next week for further adventures of "The Green Bean".

[kellychaos]

So there I was "mano a mano" ... eyes locked with my vile, green enemy. Having noticed my grim determination and the set of my jaw, he relented and whined, "Forsooth, have mercy on me kind sir. I can explain and, can assure you that, not only will you be interested in the mission charged to me but also that the fate of your world depends on it!". I smirked at his sense of self-importance but, at the same time, I was intrigued by what preposterous yarn may ensue. Beings under duress of the possibility of death tell the best stories. He sensed my intrigue and was ready to continue but then a bitter face emerged out of the little bean ... doubtless due to my patronizing tone. "Scowl if you must, you little shit! I'm trying to help you pathetic creatures in this dimension. If you want to take me seriously, so be it. I will continue. If not, then kill me now as I have no care either way. The choice is yours!" I was taken aback. "I'm sorry", I murmurred, as I picked the bean up and place him on a paper towel next to the pepper shaker, "Please continue".

[kellychaos]

The green bean rolled himself on the surface on the paper towel in an effort to wipe off the remaining muck from the sink and muttered a low thanks. With this task completed, he returned his attention to me. "You can move!", I said, amazed". "Of course I can. All plants can. Intentional immobility is a passive form of camouflage. I have much to reveal from the world of plants but, to begin, I would like you to take these." A small slit appeared in the side of the pod and a red pill appeared. "This is a mind expanding drug which ... ", he began. "Did that just come from your anus?", I inquired. The slit reopened and another pill oozed forth. "You'd better take two of these. You're kind of an idiot", he droled condescendly. "Are you familiar with the concept of fractals?", he began.

[FartinMowler]

green beans and anus's instead of green eggs and ham :/