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  #1  
MockBot MockBot is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 03:28 AM        Bottled Waters Guaranteed To Aid You In Your Quest To Become A Douchebag
Automatically generated comment thread for Bottled Waters Guaranteed To Aid You In Your Quest To Become An Douchebag.

Last edited by Mockery : Apr 12th, 2008 at 03:00 PM.
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  #2  
Blank Frank Blank Frank is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 05:25 AM       
There are acceptable circumstances for bottled water: emergencies (e.g., suffering from dehydration at a concert where they don't have water fountains or bathroom sinks that haven't been pissed in), or if you live somewhere that doesn't have potable water (i.e., your taps run brown and you don't like the full-bodied crunch of sediment when you're drinking).

If you're stupid enough to buy (or lucky enough to be somewhere you can steal) a bottle of bottled water, look for an expiration date on the package.

An expiration date.

On water.

I'm just waiting to hear "Don't drink that, Charlie! That water went bad two months ago!"
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executioneer executioneer is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 06:01 AM       
if it stays in the bottle too long it starts leaching stuff out of the plastic :/ glass bottled water should never go bad, but it's probably way more expensive and pretentious
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g_tonttu g_tonttu is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 06:30 AM       
MMM...kinda reminds me of the Bullshit! Episode concerning bottled water;
T'was brilliant.
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  #5  
Ashmodai Ashmodai is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 08:18 AM       
"It's times like this when one must really question whether or not certain humans should be allowed to live. "

I question that fact every day of my life. Eugenics can't be all bad can it?
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  #6  
Fufuless Fufuless is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 08:56 AM       
I love water.
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  #7  
Captain PirateFace Captain PirateFace is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 09:42 AM       
fuck water
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  #8  
Kirbykid Kirbykid is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 09:46 AM       
I had no clue most of this shit even existed! And I was a happier man....
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  #9  
BakaGaijin BakaGaijin is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 09:55 AM       
This "Water Bar" claims to have more than 80 types of water. So, now you can be even more of a douchebag by hanging out with other douchebags and pretending you can taste the subtle differences in the different waters:

http://wcbstv.com/seenon/via.genova.....2.245815.html

http://www.viagenova.com/

It reminds me of that "Penn & Teller: Bullshit!" episode when they fill water bottles from a hose out back of a fancy restaurant and tell people it's rare imported water and all the douchebags who drink it fawn all over the taste and color like a fine wine. HA!
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Jigby Huggletinks Jigby Huggletinks is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 10:43 AM       
Gorgoroth reference FTW.

Good piece though, I've always thought this stuff.
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  #11  
Aries Aries is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 10:44 AM       
Penta is easier to drink than normal water.

Yeah, when I try to drink tap water I often end up missing my mouth and spilling it all over myself. It's just so damn hard to drink!
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BlackjackTom BlackjackTom is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 10:56 AM       
Koalas aren't bears.
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Icculus Icculus is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 11:20 AM       
I like to drink hose water. That might explain a lot of thing about me looking back now.
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Colonel Flagg Colonel Flagg is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 12:45 PM       
I couldn't believe it, so I had to check for myself. There it was, on the "Penta Water" website:

"Our strongly held conviction is that Penta Water helps its drinkers be and stay active, alert and healthy. The additional studies now completed corroborate that the reason Penta Water works to support overall wellness is because Penta Water enhances or increases antioxidant activity at a cellular level."

What they neglected to mention was that NONE OF THIS IS PROVEN. Thus, they can say whatever they want.

Drink Penta. Because, we think you'll believe anything.
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nirvana_infinity nirvana_infinity is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 01:25 PM       
Ok... Did anyone else read "Tŷ Nant Water" as "Taint Water?"
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  #16  
Angryhydralisk Angryhydralisk is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 02:30 PM       
Hilarious article!

On the bright side, most of this probably "tastes" better than Aquafina, which tastes like it had been filtered through an old 1957 Mustang with it's metallic taste.
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Tayeloquin Tayeloquin is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 03:14 PM       
Ok... Did anyone else read "Tŷ Nant Water" as "Taint Water?"

I was about to ask the same question.

I don't fee so icky now...
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  #18  
Roggs Roggs is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 03:36 PM       
Thanks be, my life search for a good sippin' water has come to its end.

Thank you, -RoG-, for putting up this excellent informative article.
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stonewar stonewar is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 03:59 PM       
I saw Voss at a gas station/liquor store in Missouri it was 75 cents a bottle. I was tempted to buy just for the novelty of the bottle. But it was late November and I had stoped for hot chocolate to warm me up and chilled water did not look good at all to me
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  #20  
ginmortal ginmortal is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 04:54 PM       
Yep, on bullshit they served water from a hose with the label reading "Agua de Culo" and the people actually said something along the lines of it being more refreshing... Yeah... Culo means ASS!!!

hey -Rog- will drinking "evian" make me a douche?
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  #21  
Ant10708 Ant10708 is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 05:14 PM       
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfPAjUvvnIc Here's the penn and teller episode on the same subject if your interested,
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  #22  
Nick Nick is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 08:16 PM       
I drink straight from the tap. Hardcore, yo!
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  #23  
Marthaeus Autolykos Marthaeus Autolykos is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 08:25 PM       
What's funny is that a lot of these "spring" bottled waters loosely define "spring" as "run of the mill municipal" water. One of the big brands around here is Kentwood, and people have actually told me they won't drink it, because that's where Brittney Spears is from, which suggests that there must be something wrong with that water...
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Dungeonbrownies Dungeonbrownies is offline
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Old Apr 11th, 2008, 09:42 PM       
so true so true, another great piece, but honestly, i drink massed purified water, the place I get it from is ironically also a dry cleaners... but ii really hate the taste of tap.
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  #25  
greenimp greenimp is offline
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Old Apr 12th, 2008, 02:04 AM       
i ususally drink tap water, here in canberra it contains fluride so it's actually good for you're teeth, hmm, theres money in that. "drink platypus brand water, promotes healty teeth!"

"if you want to proclaim "Fuck poor people!" with every sip of water you drink, then this is definitely the product for you!" finally! water i can realate to! (jk)
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