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xXxASPERGERSxXx
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Oct 30th, 2004, 03:06 AM
8:47: I ingest 700 mg of DXM
8:49: I notice immediately my hands are trembling far more than normal. I feel somewhat light.
8:53: I remember that it takes about 30 minutes to start. I will clean up the sticky shit all over my room.
9:02: Music has changed. I can hear each intstrument individually. This makes The Postal Service sound extremely irregular because some of their “instruments” are just weird noises. Singing voices are beautiful.
9:06: I am extremely warm and feel fuzzy all over. I put Romeo and Juliet in the DVD and am going to watch it. it’s a nice movie so I figure it wont be all scary when I start “tripping balls” so to speak.
9:08: The parental control password on Lewis’s Playstation is 0000. I am a l337 Haxx0r.
9:15: My legs are quite shaky. I will watch the movie for some time now and report what has transpired later.
9:21: the movie was boring me. Drew is online so I will talk to him.
9:28: talking to drew was fun. I feel drunk.
9:34: My head is insanely itchy. It is extremely annoying.
9:37: I have to rub and scratch my head constantly to keep it from hurting. Its starting to get numb though so that’s good. Unless I did damage and am just to high to notice. Meh.
9:44: I feel very high. This is excellent. Also… I forgot what I was saying.
9:47: The itchiness is on my neck now.. Owchies. I am going to turn off the lights.
9:49: Ok that was extremely scary. Never ever turn off the lights on DXM. Everything becomes scary.
9:50: This feels really good. Music is relxing. Telepopmusic right now.
9:51: Ok I figured this out. If I touch my body somewhere it starts itching real bad…. Im itchy everywhere. Lol.
9:55: Paise Odin there is a party upstairs and I am going to check it out because they are playing milkshake and that is a funny song. I look weird in the mirror. I am wearing my purple jacket. Lol.
9:58: party was lame. My music is beer. I’m going ot dance.
10:06: Talked to hana online. She told me to take more. I agree.
10:07: Ingest additional 200mg. Realize deep down. I am a moron. On the surface. I do not care.
10:17: I am about to cross the threshhold. I will not be able ot convey thohht clearly when I do.
I am not going to record time. Its too confusing. Im warm. Vetry drunk feeling. I like closing my eyes but I want awareness. I feel different. Very itchy, eway too itchy. Omg/. I realize I am fat. My giner smell like balls because scratched htme
My body must look ridiculous because I scratched it so much
I m gong to try to take a showr to stop itching. I decide a showr would not be a good idea itching persits but not as much.I dicvored that the itch is all mental. I can control it. I have comlete control over the tiching now. I am listening to something corporate. I fel woozy. I am going to turn the lights off and listen to music.
I now realize angela is my mom. I love her so much I cannot explan what I mean by this I do not know how to rell you basically I just realized all of my life with angela just now. I will try to do the same with Michael and drew because that wad AWESOME.,
A ghost is stopping me from going back to bed. I will go anyway.
Tge itch is back and it womnt go away. Ok it gores c`away when I switch.
I have scratched myself to much I think. I had some weird epiphany with angela involed. I can hear through wallas btw. But musid takes more precedence to my conscious mind for some reason.
I played ythids video game and this frog gave me a sword but I fdont want a swor I wantr angela she is my GIRLFREIEDN I did not realize that omfgi am so lucky this like falling in love again. This ia `great., I keep on realizing angela is the girl I love and its like I keep doing it over and over., its awedsome.
Ok im tired, I need to lie downng
I realize now that the itch is mearly armotr and if I wear it so it does not harem me I am in a stra nge state, I habve seen mutiple exitances yet nothing strikes me as hallucinating
I am tap-dancing an d talking to colin
Also I talke to my sister. I feel dizzy but still aware. VI am not at third plataeu. Damnit.,
Everything is wied, Lying down again.,
Ok I lied down for while and I saw many things that I thinkm I undertansd. I saw myself. He led ,me through my inner thohgts. He showee me the eror of my most basivc thought and why I musyt change myself to be what I have ti becomne. He let me fall in love ewith naglea again mamnyh times because he knew id like that. He let me and drew race each other in reen chariots that flew through a white sky and michaewl wads my narroator/. I feel sick rom yping
I am still high, but am experiencing something terrifying. I had an amazing experience in which I was shown the evils of my own mind and what I could do to destroy them. But I am STILL HEARING VOICES.
I THOUGHT THEY WERE REAL. THEY ARE NOT. THIS IS SCARY. I REALIZE NOW I HAVE BEEN HALLUCINATING NOISES. I can hear the voices of people having sex in thbe room behind me. Voices of smal girls playing with toys in the room to my right, boys watching television in the other rooms.The voices do not stop. I can hear a girl moaning. She keep on speaking even hough I do not understand her. Sometimes she sounds as though she is in pain and other times she sounds like she is laughing. Most of the time it sounds lik3e she is having sex. It scares me.
She goes “Uhhhh” in a sex way. Some annoying voice is arguing with her. Shec`sounds angry. I don’t understand. Why do I har voices? They are all women. They sound lke they are arguing. ONE IS YELLING. I don’t want to see them. I think they would be scary.
I hear a tornado and more yelling. Now screaming. People are dying. Beeps. There is a hell beast shouting. Marines are yelling to attack him. This is all outside my door. When I look out All I see is a blur. I heard gun shots and blood.
Ok I am calming down and the voices arent as loud. I will attempt o desrcribe what is still fresh in my mind:
I began to fel extremely ichy and I convinced myself that it was a mind game and a test poised by me many years ago to unlock the key to myself. I solved it and the itch became an armor of fire rather than an itch. Once I was granted the armor I could feel my body spinning upward but I told my body that I did not want to go up, it began to spin downward, but I feared this would take me to hell so I told myself to stay equilateral. Then things started shifting in my eyes. I could see the window begin to wave back and forth and I felt as though I was losing my virginity to an experience that I knew existed but couldn’t describe. I fell back and rested my head on the side of the bed. Light became more and more white until two images appeared, but I turned m head away and it left. I saw myself instruct m to look back at where the light started building so I did and It got stronger and stronger until I saw me and drew in green racer outfits racing in jets in a pure white sky faster than anything ive ever seen. We busted forth every time my hear beat and the lead constantly changed till we both agreed wed rather just go get something to eat. Then my self presented me with an explanation of why Michael is my friend. It didn’t really make sense but it looked like a big gyroscopic diagram and we kept coming in contact or something. I didn’t get it. Then he showed me the side of my mind that interacts with angela and he explained to me that I am building a dream world and I am forgetting my past, present and future and that in this angela is being lost to my own revisions and that I have to learn to respect her more and remember that all the figures from both of our pasts are true people and not figments of my fevered imagination. He told me it was essential that I fall in love with her again. Then he showed me a picture of her and I can only describe it as a deified image of her.
Now I simply hear strange noises and voices that scare me quite a bit, but its ok. They will subside. I have read of it.
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