Depression

[Dole]

I do think the internet is the worst place for those who have a tendency to be insular and overly analytical of themselves, it tends to perpetuate and exaggerate those feelings in people who are that way inclined.

[AChimp]

I think I am cured!

After I turned off my computer last night, I sat there for a bit and thought about what has been said here, especially Vibe's comments, and I realized how completely and utterly stupid I have been. I was depressed over nothing. I was blowing everything out of proportion.

All this time, I realized, I had thought that she was the one who changed, and while this IS true to an extent, I see now that it was me who changed. I became angry and withdrawn and eventually lost myself in my own misery.

It's kind of disturbing to realize that for the last three months, you have not been yourself at all.

The best part is, though, as I climbed into bed, I suddenly realized that I was happy. I can't explain it; I was happy because now it is finally over. I was being gay, and I have finally seen it. Why the hell would she want to talk to me if all I was going to do was bring up little details and demand explanations for the most mundane things? Why would she want to talk to me if we would both end up feeling worse?

I think the thing that made me snap out of it was the realization that I brought this upon myself. Once I realized that I was being a stupid faggot about everything, it all snapped back into place.

Once I realized that I was happy, I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed until I thought that, rather than going back to normal, I'd finally lost it.

Now I have to initiate damage control. I've been a real drag on all my friends for the last three months and they've put up with a lot of my moaning and whining.

I also need to figure out a way to best approach this girl and try to explain what happened to me, or if that's even a good idea at all. Of course, at this moment, it doesn't matter to me anymore if I actually do talk to her, though... being happy again is a very strange feeling indeed.

[Dole]

Thats good chimp, but DONT go and tell her all this crap, just leave it. Then you can get on with life

[AChimp]

Yeah, I think she already knows I'm a stupid faggot.

[Protoclown]

No relationship is worth that kind of trouble anyway. Toss it aside and find a better one.

[Sethomas]

Proto: I don't really have strong faith in the normal sense of the term. I arrived at my beliefs by a process of observation and reason, and so my "faith" simply depends on what makes rational sense to me. It follows that my beliefs require a certain lifestyle which I generally strive to follow. I realize that my life would be a lot easier (and shorter) if I were to not believe in God, but I have never seen a convincing argument to those ends. The only way I could abandon my beliefs and lifestyle would be to convincingly contradict my observations, otherwise to live as an atheist would go against my own rationality.

I believe because belief makes sense, not because I have faith.

[Baalzamon]

Good job chimp. Just be carefull about how much you throw around the "I AM CURED!" thing. Theres no way to be sure that this wont cycle back on itself once in a while, and you dont want to fool yourself. You never know what will happen inside your head next time you see or talk to her, and you should be prepared for that.

But otherwise good stuff.

I also need to figure out a way to best approach this girl and try to explain what happened to me, or if that's even a good idea at all. Of course, at this moment, it doesn't matter to me anymore if I actually do talk to her, though... being happy again is a very strange feeling indeed.

Um, seriously man, just start acting normal again and it will take care of itself. People can notice these things. Theres no need for another letter when all you have to do is act normally. When you try to spell these things out for people it just makes you sound crazy. Let it reflect in your attitude and actions instead.

Now I have to initiate damage control. I've been a real drag on all my friends for the last three months and they've put up with a lot of my moaning and whining.

I think those of us that have been following this online understand. Just ignore any insults from snake, because thats probably the only shit you'll have to put up with about this.

Once again, if you want to do damage controll, all you have to do is act normally. There is no need for any type of gay formality to it.

[AChimp]

You never know what will happen inside your head next time you see or talk to her, and you should be prepared for that.

Hmm... maybe I should carry Peril Sensitive sunglasses with me. Or a hardhat.

Once again, if you want to do damage controll, all you have to do is act normally. There is no need for any type of gay formality to it.

You're such a fag.

[Baalzamon]

fuck you fag

[AChimp]

STFU. You can't intimidate me with your big cock like you do to the ladies.

[Baalzamon]

Hey man, you're the one who keeps bringing up this "intimidation" thing, not me, so YOU STFU!

[kellychaos]

Quote from The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D.


Life is difficult.

This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths *. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Most do not fully see this truth that life is difficult. Instead they moan more less incessantly, noisily or subtly, about the enormity of their problems, their burdens,and their difficulties as if life were generally easy, as if life should be easy. They voice their belief, noisily or subtly, that their difficulties represent a unique kind of affliction that should not be and that has somehow been visited upon them, or else upon their families, their tribe, their class, their nation, their race or even their species, and not upon others. I know about this moaning because I have done my share.

Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach out children to solve them?

Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing.

* The first of the "Four Noble Truths" which Buddha taught was "Life is suffering."

[kahljorn]

Medications are lame, because of them we lost all our soothsayers and Seers. What a waste.

Schitzophrenia runs in my family, both of my uncles are schitzophrenic. One is drug induced, one is just natural(but drugs helped I'm sure). They say the later needs to be medicated, and he does if he doesn't want to see God in a milk carton. He's always happy though, after breakfast, and he's had a nice conversation with God. Or he left the liquor store and bought cigarettes for Jesus and left them in the Fridge next to milk.
How could you want to medicate someone who has found God. He drinks alot of milk, stays healthy. The only bad thing is he wanders the streets for months at a time and smokes lots of crack. But the love is there.

I'm mostly Bi-polar, mood swings are fun. One day you want to sleep, the next you can naturally be up hyper dance style, writing like Chigi the left handed guy who sings in a spoon. Yogurts pretty good when you think about it. One day you're sad, the next day you're glad you were sad but then you get mad and the thoughts you had become bad and your dad hates your latest fad.
Occasionally when it's dark out I see black cats, these blackcats soon transform into such objects as soap containers and the like. It's my spirit guide I'm content to say, occasionally when high enough I see a wolf, or hear the hymning. You know that hymning noise, it's important. An electric impulse is occasional, with that slight glee and danger surrounding it. You can't help but wonder what the fuck I'm talking about. Light fringes on vision often tranforms into celestial wisps, dancing to and fro in the lack of my comfort, in the space of my transcending of current.

[sspadowsky]

Perhaps someone should shut down the PC and sleep it off for a while.

[Sethomas]

I've mentioned before that I have schizoaffective disorder, but never really explained it. Basically, it's bipolar disorder complicated by schizophrenic episodes. My schizophrenia plays out as a complete lack of desire to live and inability for joy, as well as what I rationalize has hightened awareness of God's interaction with the world. As things work out, I have three week periods of extreme depression, followed by three week periods in which I still want to die but at least I'm not barraged with constant reminders of how much life sucks, and then I have three weeks when I can read minds and the radio tells me to murder people.

I really find the whole thing hilarious, it just sucks that it happens to be my life.

[Vibecrewangel]

Chimpy - I'm so glad you are feeling better! I'm not sure how what I said in any way helped you...it seems to me that what others said played more of a part......but either way the important thing is that you feel better.
Much hugs and happiness to you my little monkey man!

[AChimp]

I am mellowing out now. I am no longer euphoric, but the overall happiness/contentedness has remained, except for a brief period where I got pissed off at my dad.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I can;t remember what my doctor called my particular disorder, but I get no pleasure out of life..they put me on meds for a while, but I took myself off of them. I hated the fucking things.

[AChimp]

Stop seeing psychiatrists. See psychologists instead.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

that was my family doctor....

[AChimp]

General physicians aren't qualified to be diagnosing mental disorders.

[kahljorn]

I noticed it's the latest trend to pretend you're insane and pretend you take a bunch of meds. That's so lame, I was talking to this girl and she said she takes mood stabalizers and anti-psychotics, I asked her what kind and what she said was some kind of anti-seizure medicine or something :/ Are mood stabalizers for seizures?

[AChimp]

I don't think so. :/

Either she's making it up, or she's too stupid to know what the doctor was telling her.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Actually Chimp, he told me I'd hate them, but he wanted me to try them and therapy...I tried the meds, they made me want to die. I did some research and found that some SRI's make people suicidal. He changed my meds and it got worse. When I found myself sitting at the end of my driveway crying because I didn;t have the guts to pull out in front of a speeding dumptruck, I decided that this wasnt normal and the meds had to go. I'm still quite miserable, but no longer suicidal.

[Anonymous]

kahljorn - actually yes there are a few she could be referring to

cosmo - make sure it gets reported, especially because there is a big cover-up about that, and now they are trying to say it only affects people that way who are under the age of 18
https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/medwatch/

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