Features

punkgrrrlie10 · #1

Should this be mutual or is there always someone in the relationship who is always being the mediator and smoothing things over even when it was the other person that sucks?

ziggytrix · #2

sometimes people are just natural mediators, but ideally it should be mutual, in my arrogant opinion.

and sometimes people think they are being the bigger person, when really they are just turning all their aggressive feelings into passive ones... i used to do that a lot.

AChimp · #3

Hmm... I think that's what I do, ziggy.

kellychaos · #4

Quote:

Originally Posted by ziggytrix

and sometimes people think they are being the bigger person, when really they are just turning all their aggressive feelings into passive ones... i used to do that a lot.

Further, I think the same people assume the same roles over and over again telling themselves that they're the correct ones in doing things the way they do them. It's kind of hard to see just how you may be getting the short end of the stick as the person on the "inside" of the relationship. A little help from a third person can help in these situations. Perhaps you're being too analytical of the situation ... and perhaps not enough.

wreckreation · #5

relationships are for FAGETS.

punkgrrrlie10 · #6

Quote:

Originally Posted by ziggytrix

sometimes people are just natural mediators, but ideally it should be mutual, in my arrogant opinion.

and sometimes people think they are being the bigger person, when really they are just turning all their aggressive feelings into passive ones... i used to do that a lot.

Isn't turning into passive feelings just part of compromise and give-and-take? If one person goes passive while the other remains agressive, isn't that the same as just mediating the situation?

wreckreation · #7

no, that is just passive-aggression. It's just gonna eat you up inside. Mediating involves resolution. The problem with couples is they always wind up arguing about how they argue. They cannot step outside themselves to achieve resolution because they wanna keep analyzing everything. You'd be better off staging a bunch of fun arguments so when the real ones come up you both just joke around and not let it get to you. Well, you'd be better off GETTING A DOG and not being in a relationship anyway.

Zosimus · #8

We are all different from each other in the way that we give and receive. Some people are greedy and take more than their share, while others give too much and get too little in return.

If you always are the one that forgives, or you are the one (regardless of who started it) that always says: "Sorry," then you will eventually implode with all the frustrations you are carrying inside.

You have to talk to your friend/partner about how this makes you feel, and hopefully/eventually, over time he/she will have a better understanding of when it is their turn to take the responsibility of "being the bigger one". I

Helm · #9

Great post, wreck. Much seconded.

sadie · #10

i concur.

Spectre X · #11

I thought this thread was about the size of a person's peepee.

executioneer · #12

BEING THE BIGGRE PERSON MEANS YOU HAVE TO BE ON THE BOTTOM OR ELSE THE SMALLER PSERSON GETS CRUSHED

-willie

Skulhedface · #13

IN a perfect world, yes, there would be no need for the "bigger person" but pessimistically speaking, as long as there is SOME tenet of your personalities that is different, there WILL be something to argue about. Just hope you have good luck and it's not anything serious. But it IS important to know when to step outside of yourself or to get input from someone that knows what's going on and gives an unbiased opinion.

But whoops, I'm slipping into that perfect world again..