Features

McClain · #1

So I'm at a Holiday Luncheon for terminally ill children. I'm there as a volunteer to help out with gifts and for general welcoming. I'm in my uniform. (Kids like to see that shit. Makes them all happy and whatnot.)

A young child, who was battling lukemia and had no hair, sat down next to me as I was enjoying a brisk iced tea and asked if she could wear my Navy hat. It would have been a nice gesture and there were cameras standing by for the photo op. Her mother clasped her hands and made that, "awwwwww!" noise as to say how cute!

As I opened a pack of Sweet & Low and stirred it in my iced tea, I said, "Hell no. Get your own. This cost me $6.00."

She ran to her mother and cried. I carried out the remainder of the event as if it never happened.

Am I going to hell?

Dynamic Dustin M. · #2

Going to hell? Maybe. But what does it matter, the kid would be there before you anyways.

Emu · #3

You only qualify for Hell if the hat is less than $5.

kellychaos · #4

It has been written into the big Book Of Life ... and dog-eared.

Dr. V · #5

No, but you will go to purgatory. Sinner.

Cosmo Electrolux · #6

You are my new Hero, McClain......

StonerDave · #7

If you use Sweet n' Low, I would assume you would go to hell.

carey · #8

it depends on what the hat looks like. if it was the policeman's-looking hat, you are teh big meanie, but if it was the one that looks like a dogfood dish you did her a favor and will be rewarded.

mburbank · #9

The 'hat' goes on your 'lap'. This is a variation of the 'popcorn trick' which is in itself a variation of the 'candy in my pocket' trick. Trust me, if you have never fooled a terminally ill child into touching your 'personals' while her mother watches you haven't lived.

PS. You might want to 'practice' this trick on 'mh' or 'mr' or just sick kids before going for a terminally ill version, as in many such cases you only get one chance.

I'll save you a 'seat'.

in 'hell'.

I'll bring the 'popcorn'.