GTA: San Andreas - A Diary (SPOILERS)

[James]

I came back home, after a flight from Liberty City. Before I knew it, I was being arrested. What did I do? Oh yeah, the main character is black this time around. It was confusing though, because one of the officers was black too. He sounded a lot like Samuel L. Jackson. Maybe he's just mad because I can't remember any movie he was in except for Die Hard with a Vengence.

The cops threw me out into the middle of a bad neighborhood. Apparently, there are a lot of gangs who don't like me, but they like guns. I grabbed a bike, and started peddling around. I found myself being shot at by guys in purple clothes. I think their gang name is The Grimaces. Cops arrived on the scene, and killed them. One of the gang members dropped an uzi. Sure, it may be vital evidence that could be important in making sure the cops aren't found guilty of killing innocent people, but they should have thought of that before they threw me out of a moving vehicle. So now I have a gun. And a bike.

I think the game just called me fat.

Oh, wait. It turns out it was just a meter telling me I was losing weight. I also am getting really good at bunnyhopping, only by doing it once. Then I tried it again, and landed on top of a cop car. The cop was sad, and I was scared.

I'm starting to get hungry, so I found a .69 store, and bought two snacks for $1 each. False advertising sucks. I also played an arcade game that's like a Galaga, except it's fun. I got the lowest high score, because I accidentally pressed the quit button.

The bike is hard to steer. I took someone out with the tail end, and got a 1-star warning. I grabbed their cash, and ran away. It's hard to find a place to lay low when you don't know the area. But I got away.

I decided to try out my uzi. I'm a good shot, considering there was 4 Grimaces and I was at point-blank range. They didn't have guns.

I hit a cop with my bike. He was sad, and I got a 1-star warning again. While trying to escape, I kept hitting people while trying NOT to hit people. Apparently, they jump out of the way, but I kept moving to the side of them. And I kept falling off my bike, which allowed me to pick up the cash from the bodies.

I'm getting better on my bike. I've built up some muscle, trimmed some fat, increased my stamina, and I can bunnyhop higher and reverse faster. Then I got blindsided by a car, which oddly built up some more muscle.

I finally went to my mom's house. She's dead. Some fat guy tried to hit me with a bat, but he took me to my mom's grave, where I met my brother again and some gang members. A rival gang tried to shoot us, so we had to grab bikes and make it back home.

Got back to the neighborhood. Went into my house, and found a camera. I'm going to take pictures of my penis and post them on the internet. That'll probably earn me some Respect.

I found a pistol behind a house. I decided to try it out and killed some hookers. Got another 1-star rating. Come on, guys. They're only hookers.

I rode my bike to a local bar, and found a guy wanting to play pool. It was a close game, but I lost $50 in the end. So I cracked the pool cue over his skull and made a profit of about $75. An interesting addition: swinging a pool cue at the table will knock the balls around. Nice touch.

MORE TO COME

[James]

I found a park with a skate pool in it. I thought maybe I could pull some tricks with my bike. Instead, I just went flying out of the pool and landed on some guy's head. Neat trick.

I went into a pool of a different kind; One with water. My bike sank to the bottom, while I hopped back out. I dove in again, and my game froze.

I reloaded, killed some people, went back to the bar, lost at pool again, killed the guy again. I discovered a delightful video game, where you're a bee collecting flowers while avoiding thorns. I think the next GTA game should be nothing but this. The bee game music is better than the whole radio soundtrack. Oh, and I lost my Uzi.

By cycling stat is now maxed out. You've never seen someone bunnyhop like me.

Ryder gave me a mission, to go get a haircut. The barber cut off my pubes and glued them onto my face, so now I have a beard. Damn, I'm smooth. We then went to eat pizza, but the cashier doesn't like black people. He fired a shotgun at us. Well, I'll never eat THERE again. OK, that's not true.

I'm lost. I just see a bunch of empty road and dirt trails that lead up into the hills and woods. I just saw a thing about that movie Deliverance, so I'm scared of woods.

OK, I'm out now.

I found a tattoo parlor, but I could only get a gun picture. I wanted a flower on my lower back, so I could be a fly honey. I went home and cried.

I found a club, and decided I'd do like 50 Cent would tell me to 10 years from now, and party in it. I found a rhythm game where you dance to Snoop Dogg songs. I did pretty good. I wonder if the game supports a DDR dance pad. Chojin would like that.

Sweet told me to spraypaint some gang signs. I tried to draw boobs, and he was none too pleased.

[timrpgland]

cool write up James. Yeah GTA:SA has been taking over my life. This weekend finally the first time that I don't have to work the next morning... I don't think I'm going to sleep this weekend.

[James]

Sweet wanted me to go beat up a crack dealer and go to a crack house. Apparently, they don't like drugs. Black people? NOT liking drugs? The realism in this game just dropped a bajillion points.

Shot some more people just for fun, my pistol rating went up. Then I found a silenced pistol. I also bet on some horsies. I wanted to bet that they'd all just have a good time, but I was wrong. One horsie wasn't feeling so great, and another had just broken up with its boyfriend, and a sad song started playing and it cried.

I did a lot of driving, and got lost again. I got slammed on the highway while on my bike, which took a few other cars out. I couldn't find my bike, but I saw a nice motorcycle laying on the side of the road. Weird lettering on the side. LSPD? Oh, police bike. Oh, getting on one gave me a one-star warning. Suddenly, there were a lot more police cars on the road than there were a second ago. Using my pretty new bike, I decided I should re-enact a scene from The Matrix Reloaded, and drive down the wrong way of the highway. Results were mixed. But I ended up finding a new motorcycle at some point.

Welcome to the Jungle started playing, and before I knew it, I was on a motocycle speeding down the highway so fast, everything was blurred. Just zooming around, going God-knows-where. I ended up doubling the amount of area I'd explored.

Then I fell down a hill.

I couldn't locate my bike in the bushes, so I hiked it to the nearest road and stole a car, which happened to be very fast. After that, everything's kind of a blur. I found myself in an area I'd never been before, and I got some pizza.

I also noticed a fire extinguisher behind the counter.

I traded in my spray cans for the extinguisher, cracked the pizza cashier over the head, and sprayed him until he choked to death. Then I did it to about 5 customers. Then I left, came back in, and ate pizza.

I found my way back to the neighborhood, and decided on a cross tattoo for my arm. It's kind of pretty, and someone told me it was pretty.

We all went to the chicken place for some food, but a rival gang saw us, and decided to go to our neighborhood to kill people. A police car got between us, and my gang members shot them by accident. 1-star rating, and a LOT of cop cars around. Struggiling to get past the cars while keeping up with the gang car. For some reason, my guys were doing my aiming than firing, and I failed the mission. So I turned it off and cried.

[James]

While wandering around, I found a couple more barber shops open. First, I went to one and got my hair done in red. Then I decided to go for cornrows instead. I also got a new tattoo on my other forearm. I'm pretty now.

While driving around, I found a bouquet of flowers. I'm gonna try to give them to Smoke, because fatties need love, too.

He didn't want them.

I completed the drive-thru mission, and got the gym open. I started lifting weights, and got my muscle stat up halfway now. I learned some new fight moves, too. My respect went up while lifting weights, and it said I could lead a gang member.

I did another mission, where I went and got guns. The pistol replaced my silenced one, which made me sad. But my skill with this gun IS higher, so I guess it's for the best. A clothing store opened up, so I bought some gang colors, new shoes, and a chain.

I figured I'd try the gang leading thing, and got two people to follow me around. They're pretty good at starting shit, and managed to kill a few people who had uzis. So I picked those up. They they killed a few more people until they were both dead, so I went back and saved.

People keep making reference to my body odor. I don't see any showers in the game, so I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll go swimming.

[Spectre X]

Samuel L. Jackson actually does voicework in GTA: SA.

[FS]

I finally went to my mom's house. She's dead. Some fat guy tried to hit me with a bat, but he took me to my mom's grave, where I met my brother again and some gang members. A rival gang tried to shoot us, so we had to grab bikes and make it back home.

This part just sounds like a weird dream.

[James]

I'm doing too much in the game now and restarting too much to keep this up.

This game is pissing me off now.

[ArrowX]

YOu cAN ACTUALLY USE JUMPING To GET OUT OF Corners.

[James]

That lowrider race can suck my filthy asshole.

First time I tried it, Iw as actually out in first place by a wide margin. Then I took a wrong turn, because I didn't know the race's layout. I lost.

Every other time after that, I couldn't get anywhere near first. Fucking lowiders spin out the second you hit a curb. I got SO close; A neck-and-neck straightaway toward the finish. I busted out the nitro to try and get around of him, and I hit another car and spun out.

I FINALLY fucking beat the thing, and I was praying I could get back to my save house safely. Just as I get to my house, Ballas start rushing at me. Like 4 or 5 of them shooting guns and coming to pull me out of my car. WHY the fuck they're there, I don't know. Thankfully, I made it into the house and saved.

I'm afraid to leave again.

[Helm]

If this game is half as cool as you make it sound, it'll totally be worth the hours it'll take me to savagely pirate it from the internets

[racialslur]

Originally Posted by Spectre X

Samuel L. Jackson actually does voicework in GTA: SA.

So does The Game. Not a bad rapper, if you like rap. But if you don't IM NOT SURE THAT YOUD LIKE HIM.

[ArrowX]

huh?



Its fun leading cops through that big redwood kinda forest on a bike.

[eggyolk]

It feels weird, because I actually remember listening to some of this music. :/

[James]

HEY FAGS!

There's already a San Andreas thread to fag up with your talk. This is about my diary. GET IT STRAIGHT.

[Jim Duncan - Weather]

Change your clothes to make yourself smell better, then people won't call you Smelly McSmellpants.

[Imadjinn]

Yeah fuckers, leave James' thread alone!

By the way, I bought the guide yesterday. Maybe I'll just go and spoil the entire thing for everyone?

**!!SPOILER!!**
highlight below
There are quite a few cameos in this game. Including the silent "hero" of GTAIII and his bitch (or is he the bitch?) Catalina. Ken Rosenberg returns too, albeit with a lot less hair. Also, that British sounding band is in it too. Also, you make a brief return to Liberty City, to visit a buidling that was in III but you couldn't enter!
highlight above
**!!SPOILER!!**

[Imadjinn]

Oops. I thought that it would work but... er... heh heh.

Well, it's not much of a spoiler right?!

[timrpgland]

Yeah I talked about that mission in the other thread and tryed to hide it the same stupid way, damn edit not working! At least one of em. Haven't seen all that tho.

[James]

I tried to do a Lowrider bounce competition for fun. First I had to find a lowrider. Then I had to put hydraulics in it.

Now, one thing you have to realize, is that the mod garage and the competition are both around gang territory. So to get to either of them, I was dealing with a lot of enemy gunfire. This caused either shot-out tires and/or my car eventually exploding. So to try and keep my car in good shape (especially after dropping $1500 on the mod), I had to keep going to Pay N Spray (also in gang territory) and spending $100 per repair.

So in the end, I didn't even make the money back spent on all this by winning the compeition, since you can only win $1000, and I spent about $2000 just trying to get my car there in one piece. And what happens when I win? All hell breaks loose. I don't know what happened, but shots were being fired, and they were at me. So, fuck you, lowriders. First a shitty race, and now a competition where I lose money and get the fuck shot out of me for WINNING? Fuck you straight up your fucking ass.

[James]

I don't get this Sex Appeal thing.

I went to go do a mission, and I got some new clothes. My Sex Appeal meter was about half full. I failed the mission and restarted my game. I went back, bought the EXACT SAME clothes, and my meter remained unchanged.

And it's not a territory issue. :/

[timrpgland]

The car you step out of determines that as well. Like the better the car, the more sex appeal. Clothes/haircut/tattoos only determines a certain percentage. Get out of a Banshee with good clothes/etc your sex appeal should be full.

[James]

Thanks.

I found two oysters today. But I resent my game because if I don't keep track of where I find what, I'll be fucked when I'm missing that last one or two.

Explosions. Are. Fun. I found myself running around on the highway, waiting for a biker to spawn behind me so I could steal his bike. Here comes a bike. Oh wait, it's a police bike. Oh wait, he's not stopping fast eno- OW!

Bike stops fast. Car behind bike stops fast. Cars coming up behind car pile up. Traffic backs up. Has to be about 10+ cars there. And one of them is smoking. The driver keeps gunning it and hitting other cars as he tries to drive away. Now it's thick, black smoke.

Punch.

Car is on fire. The driver bails, but doesn't get very far. BOOM! Other cars are close enough to be hit by the explosion. Cars catch on fire. BOOM! BOOM! More cars, over and over, going down the whole highway. It was so fucking awesome.

After a few moments of looking around, some of the burnt out shells disappear, but there is still some smoking chunks left behind. New scars spawn, trying to get past the rubble. The fire damages their cars, to the point where one is smoking black smoke, as he backs up and speeds up to hit the blown up cars out of the way. Sadly, he makes it through and drives off.

Well, I wasn't about to left that happen again. Uzi, meet Mr. Gas Tank. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Two star warning. Apparently I can punch a car to its doom, but I can't fire a gun.

So, fuck. Two stars means active pursuit. Here's a cop car, a cop bike. Guns blazing, hitting me with their evil bullets. I run down the highway and grab the first car I see, and I drive. I drive the wrong way on the highway, going under a tunnel, into the airport. The airport is a round-about dead end, meaning I have to drive in a circle to get back out the way I came, which isn't too easy with cops chasing you.

So I get out, and since I can't remember where any bribes are, I figure my best bet is to get back to my safe house. So I'm driving towards to icon. Driving through the city. No cops. No cops? How'd I manage that? Going, going, going. I drive toward the... Whatever you call the big concrete ditch. I flip my car just as I get swarmed with about 3 or 4 cop vehicles. OK, it's not far now. Oh shit... I guess it is. About 5 or 6 more blocks. Running. With cop cars and cop bikes and cop guns. Guns shooting me. My armor is all gone, and I keep getting clipped by bullets. Life slowly depleting. Running. Running.

Getting into my gang's territory now. I see two members, and I run by them. They run interference with the cops, firing that guns at them and keeping them off my back. But not all of them. I still have some that keep hitting me. Life is almost gone. A few more hits and I'm done for.

BAM! I run past a telephone pole.

BAM! I run past a wire fence.

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! So close to my home now. I can see the arrow in front of the door. A bullet whizzes past and blows up the wooden rail by the stairs leading to my door.

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!



























I made it in. Clinging to a sliver of health, I made it in. I can't believe I made it in. Holy fucking shit, I saved my game.

Next time, I'll tell you about how I got access to a plane much earlier than I was supposed to.

[the_dudefather]

i found out how to do that too, but it almost seems to be 'a deliberate mistake' on rockstars part

[Ninjavenom]

2x pistols wreaks so much havoc it's not even funny. It only took a half hour or so to get to Hitman with that. When Ammunation sells me shotguns, i will double-sawed off the fuck out of the entire city.