The Professors of Cool (Unofficial Biography)

[Ghost of Fraiser]

(I was browsing around on Professor Cool's computer [eegads, that's some porn collection] and i found and little article which was about his band the Professors of Cool, it's some interesting...shit)

1000 years from now, some explorers will investigate the ruins of Chicago. Through the rubble of the sears tower and onto the crater that once stood Wrigley Field, they will find random things along the way. Once will be a cracked disc. After research, they will find out it was a CD, after their space age technology repairs it they put it in a now ancient CD Player. They will heard freakish noises that will make their ears bleed. They would read the name of the disc and would now know pure evil as to be called "The Professors of Cool."

Or not.....

Either way, it was a wild ride.

-Summer before Junior Year-

Two scalawags sit on a porch of a suburban home of suburbia. Without a car and without a thing to do, one plays guitar while the other taps on the side of the porch post. The guitar kids name was Brandon and the other Mark. They always had the wild idea of having a band, but never put any effort into doing it. Doing things require some work, and they hated working. But every now and then, they would get a rush to actually try something for once. That summer day was it. Brandon and Mark walked to Mark's house, and got his drums. They started playing music. They weren't that good, yet it was a start. And it was a start, a start of a wild ride.

-Junior Year-

The two scalawags now stood upon a copy machine. Making copies of a sheet ripped from a spiral note book that read.

NEW BAND FORMING
Basic Rock band forming
NEED: one rhythm guitarist, one bassist

It then gave out the address and such. Not that they wouldn't want you to contact them, it's just that no one lives there anymore, but then I digress....

They post them one the walls along school. Although hall monitors rip them down carelessly a week later. It was enough to ge 5 people to come.

The first one could play 3 notes, but that was it...NEXT

A pretty young woman walked in, us being young males first thought it was the guy's girlfriend coming in to console him. But she had a guitar with here. She played a Pixies tune, beautifully. There was no doubt in her minds she was in.

The third guy didn't own a guitar....NEXT

The fourth was a guy we knew, he brought a saxophone. He was kidding around. But there was something about the blaring chords Brandon played with the sound of his saxophone. We let him join, they were beginning to make a interesting sound.

Forget the fifth guy, we didn't need another guitarist. He looked stupid anyway. His hair was curled on one side and straight on the other. What a doofus, I hope he's dead.

Sorry about that, getting out of character.

And so the band was formed, Brandon, the guitarist, Mark, the drummer, Jennifer, the other guitarist, and Dave, the saxaphonist.
It was a beginning of something new, all they needed was a voice......and some money.

End of Part 1

[Immortal Goat]

Don't ruin it for me, I'm waiting for the movie to come out.

[Professor Cool]

I'm glad you consulted me before you post my things Mark

[Ghost of Fraiser]

Just for that, here's Part 2

Some folks wondered what Professors of Cool meant. One man thought it was an anagram, the POC was part of the word APOCALYSPE. With this in mind the government ordered the CD to be destroyed. The worker went back to retrieve it only to find out it was stolen. Someone took the key to the Apocalypse

it's good to dream....

Part Two

-Mid-End Junior Year-

After finding a bassist, Steven, the bad was formed. They meet and a grease pit known as Jack's Pizzarea. After waiting for Dave to finish playing Pac-man on the Pizzarea's Arcade Machine, they all sat down to discuss a name. 3 names emerged...

The Bad Ideas (came up after several stupid names)
Hall Nazi (Talking about the hall monitors)
Professors of Cool (Take on a intended stupid name)

They ended up picking The Bad Ideas. Without any idea, they began practicing in Mark's Basement. Somehow no matter how organized they tried to be, their instruments disagreed with each other. It sounded like rusty punk music, and they went with it. Making a deal with a long time pal, Dave got them a gig at a guy's party. Without a dount, they thought they would fail, they picked up their instruments and played....

...and to their suprise.....the amps werent plugged in. When that was covered they did played. Yet, while Brandon started playing one song, Mark was playing a drums for another, and Jen just stood there. YET, the people didn't boo them off the stage...they threw beer bottles instead. On smashed right into Brandon's heard. Another one cut up Steve's arm. They left like instantly. The walk home was a quiet one. They all looked down at their feet, walking in a staight row. All of a sudden laughter broke out between them. It was either blood loss or just insanity, but it was the start of something else.

-Senior Year-

After a summer of practice, they actually begun to sound like a band. Now with a more smoother alternative sound. They seemed ready for the school's new Battle of The Bands, they missed it last year, and now was their chance. Dave moved 2 weeks into the year, so they decided to keep in strictly rock music. During that summer, they recorded some songs on cassette and made a couple copies of it. It only had 6 songs on it, it was called "A Lousy Peice of Shit made by the Professors of Cool" (They changed the name in honor of Dave leaving the band who made up The Bad Ideas in the first place).

Sooner then they thought, the day of the Battle of The Bands arrived. They put in their 20 bucks entrance fee, and just their luck they went last. They only could do 2 songs. They decided on doing their Super Mario Cover first and then a song called "Frog Grenade." With their only competition being a cheesy as hell punk band and a metal band where in the middle of the song the LEAD SINGER has a asthma attack. They won by a landslide, and what did they get. A plaque, a stupid plaque that said nothing but "Band Winner" on it, total bullshit.

Eitherway the band became popular. Brandon, who worked for the newspaper wrote a one page bad review of them and signed it as Hugh Jassol. "The band is noise for noise sake, it the worst thing i ever heard..." Some people even wrote hate mail to the newspaper saying how much they liked the bad. But that ended soon enough. Oh, how it did.

End of Part 2

[Spectre X]

this kicks ass

[Drew Katsikas]

Please, I must hear the music. Send me a tape, I'll give you a buck or sumpin'.

[Ghost of Fraiser]

(Drew, this should answer it)

Professors Of Cool
By Brandon Joe Mills

A group of terrorist have obtained the disc and stole the prehistoric player and giant speakers. They go in front of the Metro Capital Hall and play the Professors of Cool demonic chords. Their evolved ears cannot handle the sound and the terrorist's brains explode. Along with them went all the government officials and people with in a mile radius. The sound traveled miles and miles, destroying peoples minds. The future wasn't ready for this.

La-Dee-Dah

Part 3

-Mid-End Senior Year-

It was a wild ride. They played 3 gigs in the small town each week. They were a beginning...of the end

In Seattle, grunge broke loose along with Nirvana and leaked throughout the U.S, and not even The Professors' small suburben town was able to escape the flood of it. People slowly turned on them and fell into the murky waters of the new rock. None of the member would ever forgive Nirvana for fucking up what they had.

In a effort to regain the little fanbase they had, the band got rid of Mark who missed practice after practice (Which was located in a parking lot behind a Mexican restaurant). They got a new drummer named Alex, who in the long run, wasn't even as close as good as Mark. Mark also started a relationship with Jennifer, which put her against the other band members.

On May 10th, Brandon's youngest brother Dan, was killed in a car accident. Brandon called the other band members to meet at their old spot and Joe's Pizzarea. They were greeted by him, and even before they could express their condolences, Brandon simply said "I'm done.." and left. Those words marked the death of the Professors of Cool.

-Graduation-

In a outstreched plains of Illinois, there was 4 people standing by a fire. Brandon, Mark, Jen, and Steve joined together a day after graduation to put their differences aside, and they put the Professors of Cool to rest. They took all the extra copies a burned them ceremoniously, Steven lit his cigarette with the fire. It started to get out of control and they put it all. They all said their goodbyes and went on with their new lives.

-1995-

Brandon, started off to leave the small town to Chicago. Going through junk in his old home he found a cassete, it was the original Professor of Cool tape. He put it in it's pocket...nothing else, nothing more.

-1999-

Brandon, now cleaning junk out of his apartment found the tape again. This time he decided to listen to it. He grew nostalgic of it, and his bandmates. He kept in touch of Mark who kept in touch of Jen. They decided to reunite one more time.

In Mark's basement, 3 members of the original band came back together. Mark got a hold of Steve, who started another band called "Rinnais", and Steven came to Chicago. They couldn't find out what ever happen to Dave, who started a Jazz band in New York. They didn't know where Alex was either, not that they really cared. The original 4, who haven’t been together since that one night in the plains, picked up their instruments once more and played. They were very rusty, but they knew how to play their songs. It was more of a cleansing from a harsh breakup. There ones no talk of a new album or playing anymore, they had different lives from there crazy teenager years.

Brandon lives a simple life in Chicago and dabbles in writing and art.

Mark still lives in his old town, some places just grow on you.

Jen got married and had kids, and now spends her time with her family in Denver.

Steve still plays with his old bad, who are in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

So goes a story of an average rise a fall of a everyday garage band, it happened now and then. People don;t seem to realize it. Some there is a CD of the Professors Of Cool worked made by Brandon. It has been lost, along with the tape, and along with the short lived simple legacy in a small Chicago suburb. The Professors of Cool are now, and will always be lost in it's rawkus sound.

-Fin-




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[Professor Cool]

I hope your happy

[Dole]

And I thought 'hammer of the gods' was a wild ride!!!

[GADZOOKS]

OMG

[Professor Cool]

you got me that time, dole