Hello again! Seeing how I am now in good spirits once again I've decided to adress Royal's concerns about my sexual prowess - or lack thereof as he'd put it what a clever fellow - and general well-being. Let me first start with a sincere apology for taking out what was the frustration of a difficult night on you, Royal. I'm sure you're not depressing in the least bit in person. I'm sure you're neither overbearing to a sickening degree, nor that your hair is indeed extremely weird and frankly a little scary like I've heard. I'm also sure that your dick is very long and thick - contrary to what chojin suggests - if not however a bit crooked like a crowbar and that you blow yourself off every other day sometimes on the weekends in the weather's nice
Now, I'd like to do two things, first set up this little scene that will go a long way to make you understand why I overreacted in that horrible way and also, I will use some old material which many would consider an internet oldie but goodie. Fun for all! So let's go.
See this here thread discussed what I felt was an interest topic and indeed most people that participated did so in a civil manner, which is more than one could expect from the mock usually. One could make the analogy of a circle of - if not friends, frankly - at least well-mannered individuals sitting around and chipping in their 2 cents. And then there's you. You'd approach this circle of friends and you would try to belong by doing what you think you're supposed to do in this forum - fling your shit at someone in an akward throw that one could attribute to your mishapen atrophic hand, or perhaps your posture, the result of a hunch directly related to your horrible birth wounds on your back. From inside which a yellow rancid liquid would ooze. Which you'd pick up with an overgrown finger and rub it on your only two front teeth and make this erie moaning nose. Anyway, to make a long story short, even the monkey in the group had better manners than you even though your thumbs looked longer and stronger than his, signifying a more advanced evolutionary position, or perhaps just your seriously scary masturbatory habits. Following me so far? Good. So you'd lisp your little bit of bulshit and everybody would look at you blankly - you know the look - and you'd laugh your screechy little laugh and short of pat yourself to your back with your misshapen grotesque arm on your horrible festering wound and make sploshy sounds and and and. Then you'd shut up and go back to whichever masturbatory mental image you were in the middle of before you decided to comment on whatever was said. You see we bear with that. Most regulars have beared with the squishing and sploshing and the lisping for a few years now.
But when you overstay your welcome, and especially when you take the lack of attention towards you as some sort of silent acceptance you become a tad bit irritating. And frankly in such a situation in real life, as much as I detest the abuse of severily handicapped individuals I would (here comes the internet classic!) punch you in the fucking nose. Not too much I wouldn't want you to lose your last two teeth, although that could make your sunday blowjob session a bit more enjoyable. I'm sure the fist meet face scenario has happened many times in your life because not everybody else is as tolerant as I. So until someone invents the internet-slapper, I'm going to do the metaphorical next best thing. To verbally wuss-slap you like your white and rubbery ass deserves. Which is a bit gross but I'm going to do it for you. Because deep down inside I really feel for you. Just in the same way I feel for a man born without testicles. Although just a bit more in your case. Which is not to say that some mild physical pain is out of the question. Get ready for a big post of fun. This is what you come in the mock for, right? So here it is.
So uh. Ok. You fucking moron. I equated sexual inadequacy with impotency. I'm greek and I struggle with the language. What's your excuse? Besides being fucking ugly and stupid, I mean. It's not anyone's fault your dad used you for bowling practise (ball, pin, it's all good) and your mom as a chair. And what's with the sexual advice? I could see you getting all hot and bothered and thinking it's sunday while you were talking about going down and using your grotesque overgrown fingers and all that. It was fucking scary, you little beast. You might be ok with seeing festering wounds turn a particular shade of pink and spurting this white iffy snot everywhere because hey, let's face it -you live there- but it was just mildly disconcerting for everybody else. And for the record, I would not be so quick to brag about how I have 'good sex' with my retarded mother. How do you know if she likes it? We can't fucking ask her she's a vegetable you shit. Just because she drools on you when you fist your awkard little atrophic arm up her hole jesus it doesn't mean anything other than you're stirring up what's inside there. God damn it.
Anyway. Keeping with this setting the record straight trend, let me just add that I have had sex in which my partner had orgasms and that didn't make so much of difference about how I felt about it because to put it in terms you'd understand, just because your mother's making this horrible moaning noises which you interpret as 'thank you' every time you have your way with her doesn't make the whole buisness any more worthwhile and frankly neither does it make it even the tiniest bit less gross. Sorry. Turning the lights off sorta does but that messes up my analogy so fuck it.
So do you understand you crooked and stumpy little fellow? Not only are you a disgrace to humanity, but you also aren't too fun to kick around (I mean look. I'm doing all the work here) , no matter how much your dad would adamantly profess to the contrary. So I'm just going to leave you be for now, safe in the knowledge that this will not be the last time I'm going to have to put your miserable existence into perspective. But that's what you're here for and while it may definately not be that
I am here for, hey, I'm feeling charitable.
So do us all a favour and go swallow your dick or something.