McClain

[sspadowsky]

Hey, I've been searching all over for your story about the guy in the mall bathroom talking on his cell phone, but I can't find it. Hook me up!

[executioneer]

flampoo.com

[McClain]

I put it in the Stories forum.
http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?p=309736#309736

But guess what! I have another fun story to tell!

++++++++++++++


Me and a buddy were en route to a friends house to play some Poker. During the drive Geoff (must protect his identity) was insinuating that he could kick my well-seasoned ass in Texas Holdem', never having played a hand in his entire life, but based solely on the fact that he watched a 10-hour Celebrity Poker marathon. Naturally I called him on it and before I could say "bullshi..." he pulled the car over in a Bennigans parking lot so we could play a couple quick hands. It escalated very quickly and to be quite honest I'm not sure exactly who was the perpatrator of this racket.

We opted to play in the handicapped spot. I should say "spotted up there de facto," as the copious amounts of testosterone were clouding our judgment and we didn't really know where we were. But there we were - two grown men playing cards on the pavement of a handicapped parking spot. Our bill$ were secured under a painted blue rock.
I immediately took the first hand with 2 pair; Kd, Kh, 5h, 5c. Jeff, excuse me, Geoff, was livid. We dealt another hand.
At this moment some cripple drove up his Caddie and obnixiously honked at us to move. Careful not to avert our eyes from the flop we waved him off and kept playing. I won the second hand, too.
After that we looked up and saw that the crip had to park like, 15 spots away and the dude had one leg. FUCKING HILARIOUS! He had to hop to the rear doors to remove his crutches. The wind caught the back door and popped it closed, knocking the man in the ribs and in his own back seat. We heard him mumbling under his breath as he crutched by and it made us laugh so hard we nearly shit our pants. His phantom pant leg was pinned underneath the nub. WHO DOES THAT?
Still a bit teary-eyed, I got back in the car so we could leave. Geoff had to piss (Texas is the only state where people still drink and drive like it's nothing) so he ran in Bennigans.
When he came out he said he saw the crippled guy emptying his colostomy bag in the bathroom sink - and there was blood in his urine!
LMAO!

[The Damp Moose]

Crips are hilarious.

Who won when you got to your friends house?

[executioneer]

damp moose, you are a real jerk from hell

[The Damp Moose]

OH YOU

[executioneer]

thats what you get for using a jerk-picture for an avater

[Carnivore]

A minor medical correction. A colostomy bag has shit in it, not urine. A foley catheter bag has urine.

[Dole]

Its the way you tell em Mclain..never has laughing at the misfortune of others given me such a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

[McClain]

Originally Posted by The Damp Moose

Who won when you got to your friends house?

We both lost all of our money. Wanna' hear the kicker? The guy that beat us was deaf. Swear to god. HOW IS THAT FOR A KICK IN THE NUTS?

And Carnivore, I never thought I'd say this, but you can lick my cornhole! (Okay, I actually knew I'd say that eventually, but I thought it would be in a public toilet with you in your uniform. And me with a pair of rubber gloves on my feet and a dripping wet stethoscope dangling from my boner.)