Oct 26th, 2006, 10:27 PM
More Horrifying Love Stories!
Helm made a thread that would become internet gold almost two years ago. It's in thread backups if you're interested.
But two years have passed and even MORE horrifyingly true love stories have unfolded right before our very lives! It's time to contribute to the good of the board and keep a tradition going!
I'll start!!
Okay, so, if you read the old thread, I had this crazy girlfriend all the way in Massachusettes who was a really cool person but totally not my type, right? So um, after that whole escapade, we distance from each other for about a year and then she just randomly IMs me one day. We just start talking politely and I remember how smart and funny she can be, sometimes, sometimes. In a 2AM message on my home phone, she says something in a drunken haze about wanting to be with me again, even though there's distance. I don't drink or smoke, so I laugh it off, think of her as a lush, and go to bed happy.
We keep talking and I inexplicably deem it a good idea to visit her, all the way up in MA, for a week. She says I can't sleep in her house, so I say alright, I'll sleep in my car. I tell my parents I'm going on a trip with my friend and his family, and they say okay have fun without ever speaking with the family. I get in my big blue '93 Toyota Pickup and make a surprisingly short drive up to her place.
I get lost and she meets me at a local supermarket. We drop my truck off at her house, which I instantly remember and she tells me I have to hide my truck, because her parents aren't supposed to know I'm there. I don't know why, but I say okay and get in her car.
A few minutes of REALLY weird conversation and she tells me we're going to pick up her gay friend Phil. Now I have nothing against gay people, but I can't stand chronic whiners which is totally what this guy is. We end up spending the whole three days I'm up there WITH HIM AROUND ALL THE TIME, me feeling out of place and unwanted.
Worst of all, they're really, really unfunny. Usually I can just chortle off a few rounds to humor someone but these two with their laughing and kicking and a-hootin'-a-hollerin', I get fed up and just sort of remain quiet. The whole time I'm "hanging out" with these two, only because I'm saving the gas in my car, they're constantly asking "WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE QUIET. WHAT'S WRONG?" and I try as hard as I can to mumble out a polite "nothing i'm okay" and they just continue on.
One night they decide to drink in her basement. They invite me along, only because I have nothing else to do in Asshole, Massachusettes so I oblige and she tries to make out with me but I hate making out with drunk girls because their skin is all warm and their eyes do this weird thing and i hate the smell of it and i don't drink so i don't know. So I sort of just shove her off the whole night, and then go and sleep in my truck at the end of the night.
A few days later I'm really, really sick of this whole not being wanted, spending all day with this two raging idiots deal. I decide to go back home early and she tries to kiss me goodbye and I just turn my head and like the Marlboro Man, climb into my pickup truck and ride off into the sunset.
You'd think it'd be a happy story, but, I was young and naive and my father hadn't taught me to properly take care of a car yet. Somewhere in Connecticut, my hood blows up on I-95; I can't see anything but the smoke blowing all around my windows and some green stuff blowing out of my car. I have no idea what it is. I manage to get off the highway before dying and try to repair it myself. I call my dad, a mechanic, and no-one picks up, so I decide to BE A MAN and take matters into my own hands.
I can only drive the car a few miles at a time, so I stop at every autoshop in the whole city, and they're all closed up before 3 PM, and it's 4, so I'm fucked. Eventually I push my car to a Pep Boys and they look at it and yeah, my engine blew up.
Long story short, we strip the truck and abandon it, I stay at a local Days Inn alone for the longest night of my life, my father has to drive 12 hours up and back to pick me up from Connecticut and I lose the only car that I've ever really wanted, all for these two bellowing morons and an expectation that people never change.
Now she still tries to talk to me and I remember that I couldn't even really be her FRIEND, much less a love interest, and I kinda chat back politely but in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, Oh my God I fucking hate you.
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