Deadly (Literally) serious. Long, but please help.

[AChimp]

Most of the time when a girl says she wants to kill herself, she is just looking for attention. I know it's hard to think of it like that, from a guy's perspective, but it's true (when guy's are seriously threatening suicide, they almost alway mean it). However, I've had the misfortune of learning the differences between the male and female psyches the hard way over the last few months.

I think this girl has realized she's in a pretty gay situation, and it's affecting her now. Girlfriend to a guy on the other side of the world? WTF? Everyone knows that long distance relationships usually don't work, so global-scale relationships are hopeless.

Anyways, I had more to say, but I've just forgotten it. I have my own issues to concern myself with, but the best advice that I can give is treat this with a grain of salt. I mean, yeah, she's probably in a messed up situation, but IT'S OVER THE INTERNET.

There's no way to prove that she isn't some fat guy with a really hairy back who's living in Alabama.

[James]

If she is a fat guy in Alabama, that would completely devastate Wreck and his view of me. We can't have that.

And unless the fat guy has a girl who does his bidding for him, then it's safe to say she's very much a female. And it STILL doesn't matter either way, aside from the psyche, as you put it.

As I said before, it seems like a failure if it's an attempt to get attention. She keeps it all bottled up, unless you manage to squeeze a VERY tiny bit of information out of her. She pretends nothing's wrong, and only a few people out of a greater number will notice otherwise, while a fewer number from that might actually care. If she wanted attention, she'd get it other ways, or she'd make these thoughts much more public to get more people to take notice. So I really do doubt it's a play for attention. If she wants attention for me specifically, she knows she can get it without making up something like this.

I'm not saying there obviously isn't a chance it's not true. But it seems overly complex and flawed to be a lie.

[AChimp]

There's no way to squeeze blood out of a stone, and there's nothing you can do to squeeze information out of a woman who doesn't want to give it.

I found that out the hard way, too.

[James]

Well, there's a difference between wanting to share, and being reluctant to share.

I don't know. I'll take all this advice into consideration, and I'll just try to see how things go between me and her, and see how she's feeling. But I don't really know about the whole "ignoring the problem and she'll handle it herself" deal. I'm just going to be her friend, whatever that may mean. And whatever happens from that, as long as it doesn't involve harm to herself, I'll be fine with that.

[Brandon]

Let me ask you this, James: Would you feel responsible if she actually did kill herself? If so, why?

At any rate, I wouldn't worry too much. Just by reading your description of the situation, I can say with near certainty that she won't kill herself. People who are absolutely serious about doing themselves in will make sure nothing thwarts their efforts (meaning they won't let anyone know ahead of time) and employ methods that are fail-proof (i.e. guns, jumping, hanging, etc.).

As a few people noted already, suicide attempts that involve pill-popping, superficial cuts, etc. are usually considered to be "gestures" or "cries for help." She feels crappy, and she wants people to know it and "save" her from her depression. She doesn't really want to die. This isn't to say that all suicide attempts shouldn't be taken seriously, but the mere fact that she tells you about it is enough to prove that she isn't even half-committed to it.

I wouldn't say abandon her outright, but back off a little and try to detach yourself emotionally from the situation. You can't fix her problems, only she can, and she could most definitely benefit from some professional help in doing so.

[James]

Originally Posted by ArtificialBrandon

Let me ask you this, James: Would you feel responsible if she actually did kill herself? If so, why?

I wouldn't feel responsible, as I am not the cause for her to feel this way. But I would feel guilty in that there wasn't anything I could do to stop her.

She feels crappy, and she wants people to know it and "save" her from her depression. She doesn't really want to die. This isn't to say that all suicide attempts shouldn't be taken seriously, but the mere fact that she tells you about it is enough to prove that she isn't even half-committed to it.

The thing is, I may very well be the only person who knows she did this, and I had to "force" it out of her. If I hadn't pried enough, she never would have said a thing. It seems that when you people are discussing this matter, you're acting as if she's running around with a big sign that says, "I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF. HELP ME." I may just be taking it the wrong way, though.

And still, let's say there really isn't much a threat to be worried about. Let's say she does want someone to "save" her. Is it a bad thing then to be there for her? To get her to share what's on her mind? I'm not saying I'm the be-all-end-all solution to people's lives, but does it hurt so much to try and get her to face her problems, if only just by talking about them?

I know I can't "fix" or "save" her. I'm not trying to make it sound like I have the ability to turn her life around. What I'm saying is, I feel that if she had someone just to vent about what's wrong, it would help. From my own personal experience, I feel very alone and very much in pain when I have no one to talk to about what's wrong. But I start to feel better, and start putting things in perspective when I'm talking about them to someone. I figure it might be helpful for her too. I figure that, given the situation, and given that I consider her a good friend, it's basically all/what I can and should do to at least get her to vent, in hopes that it will benefit her.

[noob3]

tell her why you wanna kill yoself, hoe? i be yo cryin' shoulder, bitchhoe

[James]

Talking to her right now.

I asked her a couple of things, like why she feels the need to keep things bottled up. She said that she doesn't want to think about them, that she doesn't feel comfortable trying to explain, and that it doesn't help her feel better.

But then we did talk about a couple things on her mind. She opened up, and we talked. I didn't pry. And after that, I started talking about the suicide stuff. I told her that she is a wonderful and special person, and nothing should ever make her feel like life isn't worth living. I told her that she is strong enough to handle anything that comes her way.

I asked her if she felt better, getting some stuff out like that. She said she did. I told her I'm going to try and not pry as much, but she needs to remember that even if she doesn't feel a lot better, it's better than she felt before we talked. And she can come to me with anything.

I'm still going to worry, but I think things will be OK.

[AChimp]

[Jixby Phillips]

Tgis reminds me of my problem, i have a girl friend who usesd a mac :/ ps chekc out my thread about it

[Dole]

@ jixby

James: jesus man, get out in the feckin world and off the goddamn internerd!! Stop worrying about people who could in reality be a sophisticated sofware program (Attentionseeker for Windows).

[wreckreation]

DOES SHE HAV E A GUN

[wreckreation]

NIGGGGER NIGHTMARE

[Command Prompt]

The problem with being friends with girls is its hard to tell whether it is a true friendship or if she is just using you for her emotional barf bag while she is continuing seeing her boyfriend.

My hard learned advice is, if shes not fucking you, and talking about fucking someone else and asking the same questions over and over again to get reassurance than you my friend, are in the emotional punching bag zone. Be polite, get the hell out, and let her waste someone else's time.

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by C:\

The problem with being friends with girls is its hard to tell whether it is a true friendship or if she is just using you for her emotional barf bag while she is continuing seeing her boyfriend.

My hard learned advice is, if shes not fucking you, and talking about fucking someone else and asking the same questions over and over again to get reassurance than you my friend, are in the emotional punching bag zone. Be polite, get the hell out, and let her waste someone else's time.

Amen.

[Casey]

ya serious Jamesypoo! you needs to get out more hun! ur a great guy and i luv talkin to ya online every night for hours and hours on end, but these peeps r right - u should take a look outside adn see what the world has to offer!!! don't ignore me completely though hun take carez k!!

<3 Casey

PS: thanx for buying everything for me on my amazon.com wishlist!! ur the best!! *muah*!

PPS: oh... i'm sure u just haven't gotten round 2 it yet but ur payment for this month is late hun...

[Professor Cool]

[James]

I've seen Casey's tits and vagina. She's nothing special.

[Protoclown]

@ character

[brio]

Originally Posted by James

Just enlighten me further on how this will help her get better, please. You saying that doing this is the best option, but how will this help her to feel better about herself and her life, so that she doesn't want to die?

Okay. I'm new here, just joined, and I think I may be able to bring a tad of clarity to this above quote (but if ya don't agree don't get nasty cos I'm the biggest bitch around lolol)

Right, firstly, people that talk about killing themselves never do. She wouldn't even have told you (evenn if you say you did pry) if she intended to go ahead and do enough to finish herself off because there's always the chance you could stop her by some means. Telling someone etc.
Secondly. Cutting yourself off, even if for a bit (but don't tell her you'll be back) WILL work. She's saying all this to you, and you're lapping it all up like a thirsty dog. In other words giving her the attention she craves, and by giving her the attention she will carry on saying what she does and it will end up damaging YOU. So by cutting yourself off she'll have no one to say those things to, so no one to feed from attention wise, so she'll find something else to do which will help her.

Alternatively, if cutting yourself off from her is something that just doesn't bear thinking about, don't indulge her if she says about it. She'll soon get bored.

[AChimp]

Right, firstly, people that talk about killing themselves never do. She wouldn't even have told you (evenn if you say you did pry) if she intended to go ahead and do enough to finish herself off because there's always the chance you could stop her by some means. Telling someone etc.

You are a fool.