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Jeanette X Jeanette X is offline
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 01:20 AM        Jeanette Goes to the Gynocologist For The First Time
I am in a serious relationship, and so I decided to go to the gynecologist, get some birth control pills, and have my fun parts checked out. It was the first time I went to the gynocologist.
At first, when I informed the nurse that I was menstruating, I was told to come in another time because the doctor could not examine me. Then the doctor said she could because I had mentioned that my flow was not to heavy.

So I go in.
"I'll be right back. Take of your clothes."
"All of them?"
"All of them."
So I strip, including my undies, and put on the little gown that they make you wear and waited for her to come back. I sippose that a little blood on the gown doesn't matter because they sterilize them. When she came back, we discussed birth control pills and how they work.

Then it was time for the pap smear.
"Place you legs in the stirrups. Okay, you know what a speculum is, right?"
"Yeah...uh...its this metal thing that they stick into your cervix and scrape a little bit of..."
"Very good. Now just relax...I see your legs are a little tense...just relax..."
*sensation of cold metal being inserted*
"Just relax...breathe deeply..."
*Sensation of metal being moved across cervix*
*Jeanette gritting teeth and trying hard not to kick the doctor in the face*
*sensation of metal scraping across cervix and painful pinch*
"Eee...oww.."
"There we go. All finished."

I thought there weren't any nerve endings in the cervix but I guess I was mistaken. Thank God I am only going to have to do this once a year.

And I used to think going to the dentist was bad...
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 01:58 AM       
WE ARE THE CARTOON HEROES, OH-WOAH-OH, WE ARE THE ONES THAT GONNA LAST FOR-EV-ER
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 05:37 AM       
I opened this thread expecting pictures.

Instead, I'm once again glad not to be a woman and will be unable to perform sexually for the next five minutes.
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 07:07 AM       
Chojin made me LOL
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 09:41 AM       
I used to want to be a gynecologist until I realized that, apart from the highlights of a few pap smears that may feature some interesting eye candy, a lot of the patients arrive dragging in problem peepees ... let alone the prospect of having to take your work home with you, so to speak.
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 10:47 AM       
http://www.thedailybull.ca/article.php?id=58

Yes, it's spam, but it's very related to this topic.
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 11:03 AM       
Now if THAT wasn't a dick softener, I don't know what is.
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 02:25 PM       
This thread Is great. Or not. I hate people hurting pinkies.
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Old Jun 18th, 2003, 04:01 PM       
You should have checked your rectal passage too. Always pays to be careful.
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Old Jun 19th, 2003, 12:12 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helm
You should have checked your rectal passage too. Always pays to be careful.
I mentioned it to her, but she said it wasn't neccessary. Which is good, because as far as I was concerned, I had been probed and prodded enough for the day.

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Old Jun 20th, 2003, 05:37 AM       
I went to see the onologist for the first time yesterday, how fucked up is that?
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Old Jun 20th, 2003, 10:07 AM       
[quote="Jeanette X"]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helm
I know this is a necessary piece of medical equipment and all but I'd just as soon have it stay hidden behind the little "Wizard Of Oz" curtain than to know the magic that makes medicine work. :/
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Old Jun 20th, 2003, 11:44 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Geggy
I went to see the onologist for the first time yesterday, how fucked up is that?
What's an onologist?
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Old Jun 20th, 2003, 11:57 AM       
Maybe he meant oncologist ... as in cancer specialist ... I hope not.
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Old Jun 21st, 2003, 12:08 AM       
Maybe he meant urologist.
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Old Jun 21st, 2003, 11:15 AM       
... or maybe Snuffleupagus.
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Old Jun 21st, 2003, 03:45 PM       
I had the oncologist test my bunghole for any signs of colon cancer. Turned out I was ok. I want colon cancer so I can take a long vacation from work.
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Old Jun 22nd, 2003, 08:49 PM       
I'm sure there are other types of cancer that are more pleasing to have than cancer of the ASS.

At least pray for something like little finger cancer, or right ear lobe cancer. Something not potentially fatal.

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Old Jun 23rd, 2003, 10:56 AM       
If you had hair cancer and received electrolosis, would it keep coming back again?
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Old Jun 23rd, 2003, 06:48 PM       
Women can't have sex 48 hours before they have a pap smear.
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Old Jun 23rd, 2003, 09:38 PM       
I hate how they keep telling you to scoot to the edge of the table even after you are practically hanging off
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Old Jun 24th, 2003, 12:18 AM       
That gave me a boner.
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Old Jun 24th, 2003, 10:41 AM       
I had to focus on the crotch of my lifesized cartboard cutout of David Hasselhoff in briefs to fight mine off.



Hey, it scares thieves off
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Old Jun 24th, 2003, 11:04 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helm
I had to focus on the crotch of my lifesized cartboard cutout of David Hasselhoff in briefs to fight mine off.
You could sell that to hospitals as a "de-boner" and make gazillions!

Of course, I'm the guy who tried to corner the market on "boobie pillows" so you might not want to take my advice.



Another David Hasselhoff softening LINK
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