the all purpose george thread

[george]

today i was sitting in the kitchen smoking and listening to my kids watching TV. it was the episode of the simpsons when bart works in the burlesqe (sp?) house.

best line:

"are you wearing a trashbag (possibly grocery bag, i am very high right now and can not remeber exactly~take that short term memory) sir?"

"i seem to have misplaced my pants."

earlier i had my first good idea for the first series of short films i am going to make. INSULT VIDEO THEATER. i will reveal no more of this idea but trust me it is MILDLY AMUSING AT BEST anyhow.

there was a cracked out black woman shouting at the retarded kid at the safeway. i hate that retarded kid because he once told my son "YOU JUST GOT TO TWIST THAT FUKING WHORE" when my son was having a difficult time getting some stickers out of one of the machines at the front of the store, so i was rooting for the crack head. she had big floppy titties, and watching her jump and shout was very amusing. the retard kid looked ready to explode. all i could think was "sproingie, sproingie, spriongie"

a crippled guy had left his lights on in the parking lot. i told my wife "HA HA! lets see you jumpstart youR car MR FANCY PANTS UP FRONT PARKING SPACE CRIPPLE GUY." when i pictured the guy trying to jumpstart his car wwith the battery from his chair the joke seemed funny. but i dont know, it just seems a little stupid and a hard stretch. but those up front cripple spaces peeve me off for some reason.

[george]

i am gonna fly, punk-ass fly.

[Evil Robot]

He cant jump start anything if his wheelchair runs off 24 volts. This is the same as the other thread.

[george]

THAT WOULD NOT STOP SEEING HIM TRYING TO START HIS CAR WITH FROM BEING FUNNY.

it would make it even funnier.

and i bet with you being a retard kid at some other safeway has you all full of "if some crack head came up to me's", and that is what inspired to add your two cents to a a thread that is obviously about ME, but it is now time for you to go back to getting your carts in a straight line and putting groceries in the trunk.

[Les Waste]

I had a great idea a while ago: Sasquatchula. He's a sasquatch, but he's also a vampire. The problem being I can't decide if he's a count or not. Obviously, the sasquatch nobility would not bestow a countship on him if they knew he was a vampire, but Count Dracula somehow tricked the Transylvania nobility, and he hung around people like the mummy and the wolfman and Frankenstein.

Also, here's another great idea: Slammurai. He's a sammurai, but he's x-treme, and also a robot. He wears Adidas jumpsuits, but actually they just look like Adidas jumpsuits with the Adidas logo upside-down cause the cartoonists who animate him couldn't get the copyrights to make Adidas jumpsuits. He also has a big clock around his neck, and he talks like a robot but he uses street slang, and he carries around a folded up cardboard box with him, so whenever he feels like breakin' he can make it flat and he doesn't have to break dance on the sidewalk, thus preventing oil stains from getting on his threads.

I also decided that Sasquatchula and Slammurai should run for president, with one being the presidential candidate and the other one being said candidate's running mate, but I can't decide who would be the president and who would be the vice president. Help!


Also George you need to post more.

[george]

i think that would be a wonderful show bobo.

would there be room for a guy i met today that felt so good about having three testicles that he got "triball" tatooed in seven inch letters accrss his back?"

cause that dude was way fucking weird.

[Les Waste]

I believe Triball would make a fine addition to any show ever. He could act all tribal, and than it would be a pun, cause he would wear loinclothes and hunt elephants with a spear and get a lip disc and always talk about the will of the tribe, and also he would have three balls so it's funny.

Every time I see a retard working at a gas station or McDonald's or something, I try to call them Corky to their face at least once, cause usually they don't get the reference so they don't get angry, only confused.

[george]

MY NAME IS GEORGE

[AChimp]

Aleks Rakocevic

Comments:
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I don't normally send comments to websites, but this one is aimed at broverg for the editorial Ass Hat, Halloween, and Porn!... just wanted to say wow... You made me laugh so hard i choked... then found myself still laughing despite the choking... and about to die... i seem to recall something about passing out too... meh... good job!!!
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[george]

ok. i PROMISE YOU. with all my heart and soul, on the heads of my children, i will write something for you and have it to you by friday.

today has been uninteresting so far. i took my kids to school---ooohh oooh i just had an idea for what i will write you chimp---when i dropped the kids off at the school, i was already feeling like a rotten parent cause i had been reminded by my son that HE DID NOT HAVE HIS VIOLIN YET AND NEEDED IT TODAY OR HE WAS GOING TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT, he almost certainly not get the thing today, cause we have to take him and get him "sized" at the local head/music shop, so tommorow is much more realistic, which means the boy is going to freak the fuck out.

and i had forgotten i put a trash bag in the trunk to drop off at the dumpster, so when he went in the trunk to get his book bag, there was a huge bag of garbage on top of it.

i used to think that my white trash moments were just random exceptions to a fairly normal life. i now realize that my normal moments are the real exceptions. I FIND THIS SHAMEFUL

[glowbelly]

[FartinMowler]

I have an idea for a movie but I wish that I could get someone like james to do it like a comic strip.

[george]

last night i get in from vermont. sixteen hours up to st albans, sixteen back to DC with some of the cheapest fuck faces in the known universe.

the highlight of my trip was an austrailian guy who asked me if i was from texas. i was highly insulted for two reasons, first I ONLY HAVE A MILD SOUTHERN ACCENT AT BEST. i was not inbred (although i once attended a marriage between a sister and brother, he had gotten her pregnant and was "doing right by her"). second, i hate texas and texans with a burning passion (succeed already cow fuckers). he was very determined to insist i was from texas and marveled at my accent. I HATED HIM, and he did not even leave a tip after bothering me for like ten minutes to say different words.

another interesting part was a black guy who apparently fell in love with me. he annoyed me for sixteen hours, and then insisted that i give him my phone number (301-867-5309). i never had a man ask for my number. he offered to put me up in LA and introduce me to comedians that he worked with out there (apparently this guy was a comedian, he was pretty drunk so i had a hard time knowing what to make of him.) whoever has the number i gave him sure will be lucky to get that call

then i get home and:

the brakes have gone completely on the car.

the dogs have shit in nearly every room of the house

the electricity is about to be cut off cause i have no money left after getting parts for the brakes.

and i have a giant zit on my neck.

thank god for drugs.

[mburbank]

I don't know, man. Sounds pretty wak.

[george]

wak right in the sac my friend.

AND I JUST SAW a mouse.

sigh.

at least i was able to get my son his violin, and buy Zoe a new guitar and amp. priorities and poverty do not mix well at all.

[mburbank]

Buy Gerbils.

They have babies every five weeks for years. Starting with two, their exponential population growth will give you several thousand in less than a year.

Children can live on one gerbil a day.

[george]

but why buy the gerbil when you can get the mouse for free????