Fucking Mormons.

[Jeanette X]

*ding dong*
*Jeanette answers the door*
Jeanette: Yeah?
Missionary: Hi. We're from the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints.
Jeanette: We're not interested.
Missionary: Have you heard of the Book of Mormon?
Jeanette: Yes. I own a copy, I have read it, I am not interested.
Missionary: Have you prayed on it?
Jeanette: *disgusted look* Do I come to your door and start bothering you?
Missionary: We love you...
Jeanette: *slams door in missionary's face*

[Big McLargehuge]

You should have knocked them out and tied them up in your basement.

[Spectre X]

you should have started swearing like a sailor.

[Skulhedface]

Next time that happens, say something along the lines of "You may be right! Quick, Roy, let's release the half-dead children with pentagrams carved into their chests and the shaven goats! We don't need them anymore! We'll just sacrifice LAMBS for JESUS!"

[Helm]

I don't remember exactly which christian sect a person that once came knocking represented, but he told me that before he let me in on his information, I was ignorant and I wouldn't suffer if I died as one, but now that he had told me, if I didn't become a born again whatever like him, my soul would be doomed in hell forever.

Thanks

[AChimp]

If you want to make them go away and never come back, Jeanette, just answer the door while topless next time.

EDIT: For added effect, hold an open beer bottle. It can be empty if you want; they won't stick around long enough to notice anyways.

[Immortal Goat]

Take pictures to prove it and put them up on the forums.

[Blue]

My grandfather was a part of them once when he was younger. He died 7 years ago and they still come around asking for him. Stupid bicycle riding fucks. They just built an ugly temple too. Most of them are kiwi's too on "mission". I wish they would stay in NZ.

[Big McLargehuge]

My home town is 60% Mormon. They suck.

[soundtest]

My friend's mom was a devout, hardcore Jehovah's witness (I think? one of those wacky Christian-like groups that). While she never went around annoying people and never tried to convert me, she was pretty fucking hardcore in her beliefs. One day I came over to visit my friend and saw a couple of clean cut young men sitting at her kitchen table, looking a little anxious to leave while she was spittin out quotes and prophecies like they were going out of style! My friend told me after that they were Mormons who came to the door - she gladly invited them inside, offered them refreshments... but then she brought out her bible and started lecturing them on the error of their ways and how they were lost sheep. He said she always did this.

[Helm]

You're an atheist, right? (I assume because you're a cool guy ) How did your mom take that, then?

[soundtest]

Originally Posted by Helm

(I assume because you're a cool guy )

Let me tell you about another cool guy... a guy who also had long hair and some wild and crazy ideas...

Originally Posted by Helm

How did your mom take that, then?

Actually that was my friend's mom who was the Jehova's witness. My mom is Catholic I guess, but not devout by any means. She goes to church once a year on xmas eve and doesn't eat meat on good friday.

Me? Well I was atheist/agnostic depending on my mood, but now my eyes have been opened to the wonderful world of Scientology! Let me tell you all about it...

[kahljorn]

One time I was sleeping at a friends house, or getting faded, or some combination of the two, and the doorbell rang, my friend answered.. apparantly it was some mormons or some shit like that. My friend was drunk as fuck, so he decided to have a philisophical conversation with them. I don't know what all was said, but he asked them if they thought his Dog had a soul, and they said no. So he got pissed and asked them if they wanted to see his dog. They got scared, they left.
Now, my friend has a gigantic Chocolate dobermen, and he decided he should get him out and go show him to the Zealots. THey got terrified and threatened to call the cops and shit, hoped in their car and left.

[AChimp]

There's a guy who hangs out one of the malls downtown and walks around the food court at lunch asking teens if they've heard the good news about Jesus.

He told me once that I was making a big mistake when I told him that I didn't care if God existed or not ("... what if you died right now?") and then wanted me to pray with him right there.

Funny thing, though, is that he keeps introducing himself with a different name, as if I'd forget his pompous face.

I think the next time someone asks me what I'd say to God if I were to meet him "right now", I'm gonna say "Hail Satan!"

[Perndog]

Just remember that jackass sketch with the guy in the devil costume on the sidewalk.

EDIT: This was my 666th post, and I didn't even notice. Wow.

[Spectre X]

"Keep God out of California!"

[VinceZeb]

I do hope those of you who are confortable in your view of a non-God situation that when you die you are prepared for the conquences.

[Spectre X]

I do hope that you are prepared to undergo the same fate as us then, you being blatantly arrogant and stupid an' all.

[AChimp]

[Dole]

"I do hope those of you who are confortable in your view of a non-God situation that when you die you are prepared for the conquences."

-face the consequences of eternal nothingness? I think I can handle that. I dont think I will be that bothered as I slowly decompose.

[Dole]

In fact, I'm even less scared of the 'conquences'.

[VinceZeb]

And if you are wrong; if there is a Supreme Being that judges you based on a set base of criteria and you fail the main one which is a belief in Its existance?

[mburbank]

I'm pretty sure God doesn't accept "Hedging your bets" as a sincere basis for faith.

I'm also pretty sure "fear of punishment" isnt acceptable as as a basis for faith. Any petty tyrant can achioeve that, and I think God aspires to a bit more.

The fact that your conception of God would use the same methods to achieve obedience that behaviorist psychologists use on rats comes as no surprise to me.

[The_Rorschach]

"I'm pretty sure God doesn't accept "Hedging your bets" as a sincere basis for faith."

Didn't work for Cain when he was making his sacrifice before God

[Zhukov]

And if you are wrong; if there is a Supreme Being that judges you based on a set base of criteria and you fail the main one which is a belief in Its existance?

It should say "And when you are wrong..." becasue He does exsist.


So what if I dont believe, God might forgive me. When I start floating away from my body, or when I am about to be judged, I'll just start believing. After all, if I start work in the fields half an hour after someone else starts work in the fields; at the end of the day we should both get in to heaven at the same time.