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FartinMowler · #1

James a script by FartinMowler

Mr. Will Graham (Has entered suburban home to find FartinMowler crouched examining woman in her 50's dead in a bedroom)

Mr. Will Graham

Motive?

FartinMowler

I'm guessing some sick kid

Will Graham (turns to see small hole in wall then exits room to next room and looks through hole)

I can see young women

FartinMowler

Yep Sears Catalogue

Mr. Will Graham

Young man drills hole in wall puts Sears Catalogue of young women picture and what?

FartinMowler

I'm thinking he stuck his wiener through the hole, mother sees wiener and heart attack

Mr. Will Graham

So where is this James character?

Fartinmowler

Skipped town I would guess and when we find him

FartinMowler · #2

James a script by Fartin Mowler (part 2)

CSI Shirley (Hot Blonde in her late teens with nothing on but a blouse and a name badge) has searched the home and speaks to Detective Fartin and his partner Will

Shirley

I've searched the home and it's filled with small holes.

Mr. Will Graham

DNA?

CSI Shirley

Too much DNA I don't know where to start. There is a hole in the middle of the young mans bed and it' looks like he's made a lipstick mouth on the bed sheets

Fartin mowler

Surely you can't be serious

Shirley

I am and I've also found one where the handle of the fridge used to be

The three detectives are slowly walking down the hall when Mr. Will graham sees something moving

Mr. Will Graham (talks quietly to the other detectives)

Wiener twelve "O" Clock

The other detectives look up to see what is suppose to be a light fixture in the cieling is actually a wiener with a lamp shade that pops up as quick as the detective can move and shoot

Fartin Mowler

He's gone

CSI Shirley

He must have been hiding in the attic

Mr. Will Graham (holding a Japanese magazine full of pictures of life size female dolls)

I found this in his room I'm thinking we might be on a trip to Japan

CSI Shirley (bends over to pick up some DNA)

I'm sure I can help out

Fartin

I'm sure you can (High fives Mr. Will Graham)

FartinMowler · #3

James (Part 3)

We see James clearly upset and out of breath enter a phone booth

James (dials phone) and hears this on the other end...

OOH OOOH Ya....oh sorry just a sec (giggling and a towel snapping) Hello?

James

Is this Julies home?

Megan

Julies just having a shower can she call you back?

James (a tear runs down his face)

No it's ok Megan

Megan

James?

James hangs up phone and sniffs some Japanese mail order underwear and wipes his tears with it

James (walks back to the phone and puts another quarter in)

Phone rings and Julie answers this time

Julie

Hello?

James

Hi, I was just wondering if you saw the news about me?

Julie

Who is this?

James

It's James, I was on the news today and the police are after me

Julie (towel snaps again and giggling in the background again)

Ow ooooh ya...look I'm kind a busy right now and I'm sure you will be fine

James

Ok

You can hear some talking in the background before the phone hangs up

"Is that the freak that drilled holes in the wall?" towel snap and giggling.

Sethomas · #4

I remember years back during the Kevin versus Ronnie feuds, someone made a comment that it'd be great to take even the mocker you dislike the most and just chill over a few beers in a pub or whatever. We're all comrades in this life, you know? I'd love to think that about you, Fartin, but I think if we met in a bar I'd be very worried and uncomfortable.

FartinMowler · #5

If anyone moderator finds my stuff objectionable they can delete it. I like James and it was only meant to be fun.

AChimp · #6

I approve of this story.

FartinMowler · #7

I don't think I'm going to post anymore on this site though

I think most of the "Vets" struggling to make a name writing crap don't like competition

kahljorn · #8

no fartin dont leave us

FartinMowler · #9

I can feel a wave of hate from too many people on this site and I'm going to step back and leave for a few years again soon.

MrAdventure · #10

oh man excellent script dude i hope things settle down soon!

FartinMowler · #11

....continued.

FartinMowler Private Dick

I really miss what really exists

Mr.Will Graham narrates

“My day’s are numbered” was the only thing Fartin had written. Kidnapped and locked in a room, shot up with Heroin with only posters of Oprah and a piece of chalk. I had found him but this was to be the last time.

Part one Omnipotence and frozen fruit

(Two day’s before) The Two Detectives are in a Food market lunchroom. Sprawled on the floor is a young lady surrounded by Popcorn

Will Graham

Did she just move? (Quickly Will takes his fist and slams it on the young ladies chest, she coughs out a throat full of the butter concoction, quickly you see her color come back)

(The two detectives head to the Managers office)

Fartin Mowler (talks to Food market manager)

So what is going on here? Didn’t anyone check to see if she had a pulse?

Food Market manager (behind desk typing on his laptop…you can see the words Bye Bye and logs off)

Everyday she would make popcorn and never share it and I guess someone snapped (one eye twitches) I hate this fucking job and dealing with perverts that drill holes in the bathroom stalls and now this I’m sure you can understand (loosens up his tie and squeezes his stress ball)

Will Graham (Will notices the Managers name tag Kevin the Omnivore)

She’s going to be fine, she claims someone came up behind her and held his or her hand over her mouth, that’s a strange name tag you have there Kevin

Food Market Manager

Not sharing your popcorn could be construed as strange

Will Graham

Mr.Will Graham mumbles to himself : / Ya whatever faggot, (I ran so far away by Flock of Seagulls plays on the Muzak being pumped through the stale fluorescent cubicle

Part two Jin and Tonic

(The radio plays The on going history of new rock with Allan Cross as Fartin gets into the cruiser and waits for Will to grab a few beers for his night out)

Fartinmowler

Remember that Character James? I noticed a picture of him on the wall “Employee of the month”

Will Graham

James is a slippery character and if we had enough proof to show the D.A. we could have been on a plane to Japan