Features

Geggy · #1

on my way home from north station today, a black woman sits down next to me and starts eating mcdonalds french fries. when she is done she crumples up the bag, puts it in her purse and then gets up and leaves. i didnt quite know why this lady would get up and find another seat, but i remembered that i got a text message from my friend that said 'big, black, smelly, drippy, gooey poon.' maybe she read this off my pager when i got the text message? i had no idea what the message was going to say so i am NOT at fault here!
but heres where it got REALLY strange. a kid a few seats behind me kept saying 'cheers!' to everyone that walked by him. i figured it was just a wiseass kid making comments to everyone, but he kept saying it over and over again for about ten minutes.
the kid who was saying 'cheers!' was in his teens and i wasnt sure if he was on acid or retarded or both. a few minutes passed and i saw a pissed off guy in front of me say to the kid, 'is this yours? because i dont want it.'
the kid had tossed his notebooks and then his book bag at an unsuspecting passenger. there were papers everywhere. people on the train were horrified, watching this kid melt down in front of them.
the 'cheer' kid had began throwing his papers at people sitting near him while mumbling incoherently about something, possibly his book bag being expensive.
i was tempted to stand up and tell the kid to shut the fuck up but after looking at him I knew he was completely mental. it looked as though he was having a breakdown. when i looked at his face, it was the most crazed face i have seen in a long time. it was the pissed off face you would make if someone shot your mother in front of you.
the conductor came over to him and asked him where he was going to. 'where you going, pal? where you going buddy' no answer. he was just staring at him with glassed over eyes. the look was almost indescribable. the conductor kept his cool and just kept asking him where he was going.

he finally answered 'it's important for safety first.' repeatedly 'safety first' and then he went back to 'cheers!' a few minutes later.

i noticed the train slowing down in the middle of nowhere. we weren't at any train stops. i saw that a police car pulled up next to the train. the kid got up and ran to the next car and a police officer came charging through our car after him.
the girl next to me looked at me in complete disbelief shaking her head. i said to her 'he was either retarded or on drugs.'
slowly, all of the victims began talking about what we had witnessed. soon, almost everyone was talking to each other, giving their opinion of what went wrong with this kid.

strange how things like this bring people together.

Snatchtastic · #2

Did you make out with the girl? Cause that would be like i n a movie .

Matt Harty · #3

I'm confused as to what triggered the kid to start throwing things.

Trippy · #4

Cheers

Emu · #5

The epic tale of how one crazy motherfucker united an entire train car of folk into friendly discussion.

bigtimecow · #6

OMG LIFETIME

Trippy · #7

cheers

Tonberry · #8

TONBERRY IS SORRY, TONBERRY WAS HAVING A BAD DAY AND ONLY WANTED TO GET HOME.

ArrowX · #9

Was the guy who paged you a psychic?

sports · #10

Maybe the kid wanted to tick some people off?

Geggy · #11

sighs, you guys...

it was surreal. words could not do the scene justice. it was one of those moments that makes you go 'i wish i had my camcorder.'

mburbank · #12

Sounds pretty much like the avewrgae North Station to Salem commute to me, Geggy.

I was the kid. It was just a lark.

Here's the FAH-reaky part.

Big, black, french fry eatin' woman? Me, too.

Geggy · #13

this morning on the train into work, the announcer came on the speakers 'downtown crossing next stop. doors will open on your right.' then there was this loud, clearly audible bang, like someone knocking into something and the announcer goes 'oh! my balls!'

was that you, max?

cuz half the people in the train were dying laughing.

Trippy · #14

Did that happen?

Spastic Colon · #15

I was just thinking, "Wouldn't it be awesome if the subway conductor came on the speakers and gave the entire 'Large Marge' monologue from PeeWee's Big Adventure, making sure to replace all instances of 'truck' with 'train'."

Drew Katsikas · #16

Something very weird happened to me, as well. Today, I went to the music shop to get a string. However, there was a beuatiful looking Gibson Firebird, which I needed to try out. So I amped up, and just fucked around for a while. I started playing the riff to "Twist and Shout."

Then this kid, maybe 16, pops up out of nowhere, and says "You have to show me how to play that!"

He had no guitar and he was just standing there looking at me with a strange excited face. I looked at him, trying to see if he was retarded or something, but he was completley normal in every way. So, I played the riff real slow like, and said "there." I turned around and started playing again.

So I started playing some other things, but the kid still stood there standing there, hovering over me. 2 Minutes went by, and the kid said, "No, it went like this." He then proceeded to hum the riff. I didn't know what to say. I bumbled some "um's" and "yeahs" and played the riff again. He kept standing there, staring at me. I told him I had to go, hung up the guitar, and took off.

It was very strange, he had no friends around him, so it wasn't him fucking with me to get a laugh. Very weird.

Big Papa Goat · #17

Once I walked on to a train platform and there was some kid, maybe 15 or 16 years old walking around, looking kind of uncomftorable, and then he took out a knife and started jabbing at the air.
Another time a van pulled up at the stairs to the train platform and the driver went into the back and let some guy out of what looked like a cage, and then the guy was walking behind me

Matt Harty · #18

I was walking in NYC and this woman with no shoes on and a bald head seems to be walking directly towards me. She moves a bit and slaps herself in the head. It was funny because she had an oversized pink outfit on, like something they'd make people wear in a psychiatric ward. She was wobbling around and then slapped herself directly on her bald head, making a loud clap sound.

After I made sure she wasn't going to turn around and attack me, I continued to walk past the WWE store. A black employee goes "Hey, I saw you slap that woman." I thought it was funny cause he probably see's freaks slapping themselves in the face all the time in NY.

AChimp · #19

There's a guy at one of the bus stops downtown that "plays" the harmonica for spare change. He has a crazy facial deformity that prevents him from having an upper lip.

He also has a small amp with him and cassette player to provide background music for his playing. One time he stopped playing and began talking to someone nearby, and the harmonica music didn't change at all.

There's also a guy who rides around my area on a bike with a large wooden box attached to the back of it. He has an old-school ghetto blaster with big subs on it, and he rides around at all hours playing hardcore rap filled with swears at the maximum volume. We call him Subs Guy.

kellychaos · #20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emu

The epic tale of how one crazy motherfucker united an entire train car of folk into friendly discussion.

It's the "It sucks to be him, but I was alright" syndrome.

Drev · #21

Command Prompt · #22

Holy fuck chimp do you live in north kildonan? I know exactly the fuck up you're talking about

I was at 7-11 the other day on narin before going to work and this hick looking guy on a bike with speakers all over it came tooling down the street

fuck I hate this city

AChimp · #23

Shit, he's all the way on Nairn sometimes? I saw up up by the 7-11 on Rothesay, and on Watt almost everyday last semester. Subs Guy must be Duracell's best customer, or he has some car batteries hidden in there or something. :/

I live in East Kildonan.