a thread from mradventure (no fags allowd)

[MrAdventure]

hi guys i know i dont do much here anymore and i'm awful sorry about that

but see the sad truth is that even if i did do something most of you wouldnt get it anymore

so i'll try one last fucking time


so, i had just jumped out of a cunt (being born is completely awesome like a fresh album of songs that are really cool at first but after you play it once you realize none of the songs compliment each other)


i was fresh like springsteen in 86 but i was covered in placenta and cunts and stuff (oh man)



"aahh help me i need to learn to read" i cried being a smarter than average one


luckily there was a line nearby (lines are paramount in leading to laerning) and this line was about books (i was in luck, as they say)


so iread about my family (what else i love them!) except for my sister and sometimes a brother or two but whatever and i find out that i'm not supposed to be able to read so i put the book away


well when i turn around my family is gone, i go to try and find our car but i'm lost and i this nice guy asks if i'm lost well i say "i am : cry i was just checking out the postage stamp machine and they levft"


so he walks around wtifh me for a bit (i dont trust him but he seems to know where he's going) and i find out he's a book salesman and i explain it and then he leaves me there


i go bacvk inside the building and i see all these people in groups looking like they should be there and i dont know wehre i should be and it makes me fucking hate them oh my god you organized faggtots and i want them to notice me


unfortunately when they see me standing there they get all quiet and i try to say "excuse" but that's as far as i get they leave and then i read a poster in the corner and it says "fucking dicks club"


then i realize why they left it's because i smell like smegma and left-over flavored toostie roll wrappers


blushing so hard that i turn a whole new nationality i go take a bath asap


shit shit you know how trouble always comes when you dont want it well this cat was trouble and this was his bathroom and well me being fresh out of a cunt i didnt want any hassle so i avoid eye contact but he's still like "hey kid puto pendejo montana" to me so i run



and i fall oh no!!!!!!!!



the ninja turtles werent there but i pretended they were here so i was all like "look out here comes splinter hah hah" and pretending i freaked them out anyways i couldnt get out the way i came in and i drowned a week later after i fell in a vagina

the end

edit goddamn sites are disappearing even!!!

[sspadowsky]

I love you, Mr. Adventure.

Oh, shit. Is that "no fags" thing still in effect?

[ArrowX]

That was beautiful

[executioneer]

no fags allowed arrowx

-willie

[Jixby Phillips]

VALENTINES DAY

[liquidstatik]

hello guys! :o

[executioneer]

that picture looks like they're trying to make them kiss

[MrAdventure]

oh man this thread turned out remarkably tolerable, thanks yall

so i figure a new story would be a good idea !



it was a normal day for a breakfast party at the padna cafe but today the kitchen was distinctly quiet suspiciously quiet like a cat that stops moving



"i hear the food is in the ktichen" we say to each other but we're not saying it to the kitchen who knows who is in there


luckily we all sit together and we look at each other and before you know it time passes like a man with a feces in his drawers


putting on a quick costume or three we silently look over the counter (well okay not so silent i mean someone kept crakcing jokes about how there's a ghost in the kitchen)



oooo shit we say to each other! its a gang, a gang has come to our town but we dont gasp at the slow erosion of our societal values we watch them for their antics



son of a bitch they were eating a really nice brunch-style meal while laughing at the two-foot diameter reel of reduced price and free lunch tickets



they heard us (it ws the joke about the ghost in the kitchen it hink they liked it but they sure dont like us!!!)


"AFTER THOSE KISDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"



oh crap they got a friend only one friend left ;eek eek



man theyre fast theyve got long legs



whered my other friend go fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck (so i run down an alleY)


"stay back mother fuckers" as i think of a plan i am hoping my friends are better off than i am because it's the point in the story where i show that i'm not as selfish as i initially seemed to the audience i have a heart o gold you know



swearing at them didnt work and they used their fists to rape me of every last bit of self-esteem and they used their feet to splatter my mouth and my trust in society



later i find out my friends were right there was a ghost in the ktichen but it just so happens that it's incredibly fast strong and violent towards people that spy on their activities so the lesson is nevefr stick your nose where it doesnt belong okay kids

the end

ps edit red x ville maaan

[Rongi]

Make the next story about dogs.

I like dogs.

[sadie]

mradventure rules.

what are those, jixby?

[Esuohlim]

MrAdventure is seriously the only person here that makes good threads anymore.

[MrAdventure]

sadie those are valentines of course (seriously they awwwre baby panda beawwwwrrs )

so how about a story about love (sorry dgo fans)



it was just like any other day in bed surrounded by my assortment of bedtime assistants and a few bedtime assistant interns (like they sya you havent lived until you've had your urethrar scrubbed by a pair of dark native hands)



suddenly there was a knock on the door - a knock of authority



"excuse me did someone call for a heart repairman"



sitting up i felt the work of today's scrotal cleaning was particularly sub-par (fucking interns right folks) i noticed no malfunction of my hearticual musculatures, so with a wave and offer of a scrotal cleaning position, i sent the young professional on hsis way



"sigh" i sighed to myself amidst the scents of cocoa and lilac body wash "its not enough that i have an abundance of age but the rough handling of my conditions has preempted my enjoyment of todays newscast of a one-way relationship with the world"



thinking back on better times, i realized that not only were they not better times, but that the process of focusing my mind to the point where i could actually feel the bacteria breeding in the sweat pools between folds of skin was date-rapingly superior to anything i had previously accomplished (having my dainties scrubbed daily by a brute notwithstanding)



sbnapping back to the present i saw something terrifyingly interesting



not only was there a crazed and infuriated non-native beast approaching me with carnal intent



but the one single force and entity solely responsible for my not having killed myself engaging in kinetic activites was present and in goddanm action (that's fucking right cnn news cameras were live and rolling on the sceene)



suddenly the picture of normalcy occured as the feces in my bowels struggled past the few coordinated muscles i had left in my anus in a birthing fight so brave i was sure the camera would be pulled to view it by a pure and sensible universal force (so i put on a brave face)



not only could you not imagine my surprise, but for the first time since i had montezumally shit-blasted my first pair of pre-worn khakis, i felt embarrassed



you see apparently my now worst enemy, worst arch rival in the whole world, was now the oldest man to ever celebrate a birthday in a christian society with a papertrail dictating all the necessary evidence of his grizzled stature and the cameras loved him so bad it was like saying "sorry mr nobody i cant even afford to give you the lion's share of the saliva to lubricate the last wrinkled refuge of joy your life might possibly havfe held"



so in the middle of his victory speech i fucking rubbed it in his face and died (and when i mean died i mean rolled out of my chair clutching my chest as the hands in thge cold floor slowly seeped up and stole away even the dullest nervous sensation while i moaned "it's the big one (lol)" abnd "i dont want to die ")

the end

[Jixby Phillips]

:D

[sadie]

they sya you havent lived until you've had your urethrar scrubbed by a pair of dark native hands

[Poxpower]

:D

You're just one small step from having your own line of children's books.

[Anonymous]

It's the big one!

[MrAdventure]

hey thanks i'm glad to share a story or two!

ghere's another one you'll find

it's called "Friendly the baby"



one day like any day baby was working at cute labs inc. judging the ratio of frogs to babies (you see friendly baby was a bit of a philanthropist and his work was very difficult, the study of discovering situations in which an ugly baby is made comparably cuter)


taking a break frmo his hard work, friendly the baby ran into his scientists friends who were talking about the lastest in science related to them
"hey guys guess what i smelled at the cafeterai"
"what what tell us what!"
"it was really gross!"
"eeeewwwww"


well friendly theb aby figured, such a lead would surely further the cause of his cause, and off to the lab he went nodding to all the other smarts on theway, until he heard "help help kelp jk help it's really gross"


legging as fast as his legs could leg him he burst through the door from which the sound emanated to see the truest form of possible sceintific miracle ever


standing as tall as a seat and as yellow as a blanket a korean man, with a calculator, sharp shirt, and kim chi, was sitting at the counter making a scene!


"hello new american friend baby" cried the asian man "i am fond of you and of hobbies as well" taken aback friendly the baby giggled and chirped "are you here legally?"



"legal" said the korean "i am quite well at legal i also am fond of partake in america!" friendly the baby realized that perhaps another scientist had let his expirment free, so friendly let fly a list of the names of his associates "babyton?"


"wellingbaby"


"gadsingsmith"


"chepardcastle"


"everjerk"


upon hearing the name everjerk the korean lit up, his mouth releasing a gibber that reeked of vinegar and beef slathered in sesame seeds. panicking with an extra k friendly the baby smashed the panic button on his beeper, bringing the help squad


"help" screamed friendly the baby as the korean wouldn't shut up


within seconds a group of white coat babies rolled in, a fierce scowl on even the nicest of them! "what sceems to be the problems!"


lacking even the time to alert them as to the nature of the emergency call, friendly the baby watched as the korean sprang upon his associates, screaming and wailing about how "ni pur wah wah bing wang i am very much like your family " soon they were reduced to nothing but shreads of tears and grains of white rice


panicked again, friendly the baby resorted to the escaspe tunnel only to wind up crushed to death by a cunt gone wild

the end

[Emu]

Originally Posted by MrAdventure

"everjerk"

Mario and Luigi!

[Ghost of Fraiser]

OMG, Friendly has a Smacks The Frog Plush.

[MrAdventure]

i am bringing this back because general blabber is once agani being for faggots and i'm sick of it

so i'll tell another story

this one is called "breakfast time is a moste xcelletn time to make most excelletn frienfdships"


"snore, snore, snroe" is aid, when suddenly


my eyes popped open!


i got a case of the *yawna* so i went downstairs


hi mom


hi dad


"hey son" they say together "found a job yet son"


"no," i say, wioth a wink "wheres the food"


"lol" said mom and dad "food is for people with jobs so u better get one betfore you starve son"


suddenly dad got up and i said "why dad where ar eyou goin"


"why the bills dont pay themselves!" and mom nodded sagely like she wuz suckin a cock (then dad left0


then mom got up and i said "where you goin mom" *smile*


"why the stores wont shop themselves" and mom nodded to herself as she hiked her cunt up so she could walk away as well;


oh man by myself and bhungry


i decided that since there isno food inside


there might be foofd outside


ill miss you house i grew up in!


i see soenmone! "hi there got any food"


"we got a lot on this boat cmne on the boat kid"


not having any food i decided that the boat would be an optimal cvhoice


"ah ow ah" i said as they hit me over the head


"welcome to the navy" they said


i put on a suit - a very good suit


i ate some food- some very good food


all o asudden i see something suspsicious in the water


"oh no it's stealth torpedofrom the msulsims" i cry being extra aware because i was in the navy (and they werent)


well luckily the impact mmissed me because as fast as a microwave i shouted " praise lalah"


so now i live ina cactus

the end

[bigtimecow]

mradventure.... will you be my...... daddy?

[sadie]

you used "cunt" and "cock" and george jones. is there a secret message? :O

[MrAdventure]

I DECIDED THAT OTHER FOLKS SHOULD BE ALLWOWED TO MAKE STORIES IN HERE

OS COME ON FOLKS SHARE SOME STORIES (HEY I MIGHT EVEN SHARE SOME MORE)

PS. SASDIE IT'S ALL JUST A BIG COINCIDNECE *WI*NK*

[Rongi]

You make Judy Blume look like Judy Garland.

That's good

[MrAdventure]

oh hey i guess it's "mradventure tell some stories we dont want to do any work we're just freeloading invisible bumper-hitchin spic readers" or are you scared you'll fuck up (id ont remember posting this in general pussies forum haw ghaw) hehe j/k another story is what we need (besides faget sites that dont go all red-x on me a day later)

here it is, a subtle and dapper caper "being a dad" (ps its a dog story cuz im a swell fella)


i knew i love dher from the "get go"


it was that special soemthing we all hope for


everyone went "aww" areour hugs


but behind closet doors we went *kiss kis* a lot

NSFW


eventually it led to somethin a bit heavy


eventually one thing got put in another and *blush*&


the first signs were really gross but i was like "i luv u hun"


but soon i panicked and said " i cant breathe help help i cant breathe i feel trapped"


"thanks a whole lot texticles," i cried


my wife called and guilt hit me like the urge to take a steamy feces


luckily before she could cry she siad "help there's a head in a my cunt"


so we *raced* to the hostpitla


"doctor doctor is she okay"


"im afraid she's given birth to..."


"9/11" he said as he handed me a "congratulations its a terror attack" cigar


"noooo," i yeled


"just kiddin yall that always works *wink"


"being a dad fucking rules *thumbs up*" i say with a grin

the end