Jul 11th, 2006, 01:29 AM
There's a new drug on the streets, kids callin' it Blizzard
Hi, my names Genmo, and I've been blizzing for more years than I can remember. It all started when Warcraft hit the streets. Sure it was a little rough ride, but I loved it all the same. I was young back then and had the energy to handle hardcore s*#@ like that. I didn't think I had a problem. So what if I spent my hard-earned lunch money on a new mouse, that cafeteria food was poison anyways. How ironic I call that the poison now...
The day when my local dealer started carrying that Diablo and Warcraft II, well that is when things got out of hand. I was getting blizzed for three or five hours at a time, easily. My friends and loved ones would have intervened, but I never took the time to acquire any. They day I stopped would be the day I checked into the Tristram Rehab Center, because those guys where my friends.
I wanted to stop, I really did. My grades where plummeting, my precious cat was starving and in need of a good role model. But everyone was snorting Starcraft like it was candy. People are still gettin' buzzed from that today for crissakes. You can't blame me!
I'm sorry, the reason I'm here is because I have a problem, I admit it. I got so hopped up on Zerg I blacked out, and woke up naked and wrapped in a cocoon of plastic wrap, hoping to hatch in two of me for one supply point, so I could inject twice the minerals puff twice the vespene. I robbed the jewelry store and told them make me a marine combat suit.
These people are evil. Whoever they are, shipping their product from California, they made Warcraft III. With its custom games I could get an entirely different experience with each hit! It was also comforting to know that at a given time, 12537 other users with blizzing right along with me.
How'd I quit? Standing before you today, I almost forgot, until I looked down upon the tattered rags of the homeless I now wear. My dealers called it WoW, and what said WoW the most was my wallet. I lost everything trying to pay the Blizzard Cartel, the kids I didn't have, the house I didn't own, and most importantly, the super-model girlfriend I never had. I couldn't afford to Blizz up and live at the same time, and for one time in life, I chose life! I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry, its just that... I can't believe I finally escaped!
I'm sorry, know that I've regained composure. Thank you everyone for listening to me, and I will wear my 24 hour blizzard-free pin proudly! Why, it sure is nice! Do you think this pin could give me an endurance aura? I heard Best Buy got some new copies of TFT in and I want to make it there 30% faster. Y'know, just to gloat... yeah....
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