Interactive Full Motion Video Games Suck!

[Command Prompt]

On this board we often celebrate the past golden years of the Nes Geneneration and embrace the future of video games with the current crop of systems, but we often, and with good reason forget that five year span of time that started with the dawn of CD based gaming and created some of the most useless, overpriced systems the world has ever known, which spawned some of the lamest games ever, all built on the same, lame arse, overused technology of interactive full motion video.

Here's some of my picks. Thank god I was too poor to ever think owning this shit was a good idea.


1. Dennis Miller - Thats News to Me! / 3D0

Finally, Dennis Miller Has his own video game! Now you can justify spending 700 bucks on that new 3D0? Right? Right? Just laugh along with everyone else, you don't want to look stupid by admitting you don't get his jokes. Whats not a joke is it apparantly sold so well, they made a sequel. That or Dennis had rent due.


2. Mad Dog McCree / CD-i

Did this game ever bloody work for anybody? All the two times I was tricked into trying it, all I remember is thinking how much better that money would of been spent on Mortal Kombat 2. Thats okay, who needs a lightgun when I have the powerful accuracy of.. the mighty CD-i controller? chumbawumba!


3. Hoarde / 3D0

Save your midevil kingdom by keeping your cows from being eaten by gremlins or some shit like that. Starring Kirk Cameron. Next. Oh sorry Kirk, didn't see you standing there. Next, please

4. Joe Montana Football / Sega CD

Imagine the cd skipping right at the point where Joe overpronces the word football. FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL! Joe Montana is the last person that needed to do voice acting in a game.

5. Night Trap / Sega CD

This is the game responsible for the formation of the ERSP after outraged parents wanted to crusify the makers of this game. I don't really see why considering the games contains barely any violence and absolutely no sex. Maybe everyone was just really pissed off about not getting to see any tits after playing through this idiotic game featuring women in bikinis that need to be saved by setting off traps, or something.

6. Sewer Shark / Sega CD

I can't think of anything funny to say. Its just a really shitty game.

7. Link: The Faces of Evil / CD-i

You've probably never heard of the this game, and you should thank bloody christ you didn't. Somehow, some people got Nintendo all pissed on Sake and convinced them it was a good idea to have someone whos not Nintendo make a Link game. It didn't turn out so well, as you may of imagined.

[ArrowX]

Whate the hell have you been fo rthe last year!?

[Command Prompt]

Sorry, thats ERSB, and god bless them, its hard enough being a parent without knowing that games with titles like "grand theft auto" and "manhunt" and "blow shit up into a bloody stump" might be poor choices for your 10 year old.

[ArrowX]

Wha?

[Schimid]

I think it's ESRB. I could be wrong, though.

Fuck you, anyway. Sewer Shark rocked, and so did a bunch of other games you forgot. Ever hear of Time Traveler? That game used to scare the shit out of me, the deaths were so gruesome.

There's also things like Brain Dead 13 and the obvious Dragon's Lair--I still love all these games, mostly for their creativity and "OH FUCK" responses.

There's nothing like pressing "up" when you're supposed to press "down" and getting tomahawk'ed through the head in Time Traveler by an injun. Seriously.

[ArrowX]

omg Sewer Shark was amazing! It was on the Sega CD right?

[Zomboid]

Arrow get the fuck out of the thread.

Yeah schimid, sewer shark and Dragon's Lair kicked ass. I always played those, along with Lethan Enforcers on my sega cd

[James]

Mortal Kombat was more to blame than Night Trap. Jack Shit heard of Night Trap, but everyone knew what MK was.

And you're all wrong. It was originally the IDSA. It wasn't until later the ESRB was created.

FMV games are great, in a B-movie cheesiness sort of way.

[EisigerBiskuit]

Was Dragon Slayer full motion?

[the_dudefather]

night trap roxxorz.

the only game i bought for its crappyness and i dont even have a megaCD

[Anonymous]

A Fork In The Tale was awesome, it had Rob Schneider as the protagonist and was 5 cds long ;>

[ArrowX]

Phantasmogoria

[executioneer]

[pissed off salesman]

Don't forget "Mario's Hotel".

[Supafly345]

Wherever you stole this from is filling the world with boring, C:/. The only reason I recognise most of these games is because I keep reading people who read someone else who wrote about them. It is funny though how this is written like he believes himself to be the chief editor for Gamer Chic magazine, despite the glaring fact that someone who owns all three the Sega CD, 3DO, AND the CDi probably still isn't quite sure what a video game is.

I think these games are just a mistake, that happened when they tried to make a game that could fill an entire CD, with an NES-sized staff. Thank god they made the product itself so expensive, or else somebody might had seen it.

[Command Prompt]

Another quality post by SuperFly!

[WhiteRat]

Does anyone else remember Corpse Killer?

[Helm]

Chojin, rip a fork in the tale and send it to me right now. I played a demo and it was awesome and I want want want to play the full thing now like crazy


Also, the sega cd with the driving avenger was excellent, and Gabriel Knight 2 falls under FMV adventure game and is also amazing.

[pjalne]

Did the demo include Schneider punching people in the groin? I think I've played it.

[Fahrenheit 1337]

Originally Posted by executioneer

I... I love you

[executioneer]

r u a hawt chick

[stitchfan626]

don't forget daedalus encounter for 3DO. it had Tia Carrere (from the Wayne's World movies, and currently the voice of Nani from Lilo & Stitch)

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Helm

Chojin, rip a fork in the tale and send it to me right now. I played a demo and it was awesome and I want want want to play the full thing now like crazy


Also, the sega cd with the driving avenger was excellent, and Gabriel Knight 2 falls under FMV adventure game and is also amazing.

i'd have to find all the discs... :<

[Helm]

Pjalne: most definately yes.


Chojin: if you can't, I'll try to find a torrent or emule link.

[TheBoogieman]

Most people never ever even herd of the Tex Murphy games, those games where fun.

Lets not forget the first released Playstation games like Warhawk, Resident Evil, and Twisted Metal (but it was taken out because its too cheesy [go figure]) they used FMV