Different Morals/Values/Beliefs and Such...

[DeadKennedys]

There is a girl that I have been in love with almost 3 years ago, and her the same for me. We met in school, dated over the summer, broke up the next summer, and got back together a few weeks ago.

Something has been troubling us though... she is a little bothered by how different our morals and values are. She says that sometimes they conflict a whole lot, like the fact that she is spiritual (not organizedly religious but believes in divine stuff) and I'm an atheist or agnostic or whatever you want to call it. Life is but a dream... Her family taught her to value her tradition in alot of ways and even though she doesn't always follow it, she gets a little flustered with me. I'm a good old fashioned gentleman, but I know that times are changing and like in Fiddler on the Roof we can't hold on to those traditions forever.

Her morals are different than mine. I don't have much value for
money or the concept of justice, but I always fulfill my obligations.
I always want to do everything my own way and I am very impulsive, but I have faith in my own values. So, that usually gets me into trouble with other people, and with her. I love danger and always can crack a joke no matter how bad it gets, but sometimes that doesn't jive with her.

I am falling in love with her again, and I'll probably end up marrying her someday, I'm just worried that she's right about our beliefs and values clashing. Is there any way to keep two very different people in good harmony? We have never had troubles with it until now, and I don't even feel the problem, but she says (especially the religion part) bothers her.

[Helm]

Is there any way to keep two very different people in good harmony?

What sort of answer to you expect to that? No, I guess? There's always exceptions? Depends on how much you and her are willing to disregard about each other. When it comes down to it, if you're both brutally honest with each other though, and trace your differences down to their philosophical roots you'll end up in a very uncomfortable stalemate. I say this because I was once with a girl that was religious and as mature adults we decided once to talk about it. Because she claimed that she wanted to understand where I'm coming from, since I wasn't such a bad guy otherwise. To make a long story short, it came down to me finding blind faith absurd, and her finding the lack of, 'spiritually dissapointing' (in the sense that god permeates this whole world and whoever cannot see it must be blind in some essential way). Both very different opinions, not reconcilable, inexclusive and both thoroughly fabricated. They are value judgements that hold connotations that the relative people are stupid and/or misguided. Different roads to life so to speak, but everybody supposes they're the one walking on a pleasant downhill road and the other guy is walking barefoot on thorny gravel. This polarity will cast a strain on any relationship (especially if the people in the relationship aren't humourous about it) because you know that the person you're with essentially dissaproves of you and you do the same.

My thoretical solution is to have a relationship which (both people agree that) shouldn't require compatibility on any other level than the barest essentials.

[kellychaos]

Is there any chance that you might set up an opportunity to test her faith like killing her grandmother or a beloved family pet and making it look like the work of a random, sadistic killer? ... not including religious overtones in your work would be a plus in this case.

[kellychaos]

Other than attraction, isn't respect for each other one of the barest of essentials?

[kahljorn]

That whole thing read like a Profile on a 60yearolds+ dating service.

[KevinTheOmnivore]

"My thoretical solution is to have a relationship which (both people agree that) shouldn't require compatibility on any other level than the barest essentials."

What the hell are the barest essentials? Sex and film taste?

I hit a similar cross road with a girl I was with for a few years. We're still trying out the friendship thing, but I know we can't be in a realtionship, nor could we ever get married, so what's the point?
Should we be a couple just for the sake of being a couple?

You might wanna ask yourself that.

[ziggytrix]

Gender preference and religious/social values, IMO, would be the barest essentials.

Religious compatibility doesn't mean you both believe the exact same thing, so much as you don't have incompatible beliefs, such that you feel the need to change the other's values.

[Helm]

What the hell are the barest essentials? Sex and film taste?

Actually yes, sex and film taste.

[MetalMilitia]

I think i read somewhere that the most sucessful (longest together etc) couples have very little in common. If you are with someone who likes everything you like and dislikes everything you dislike you will have a pretty boring time together

"Lost in translation sucks right?"

"Yea i thought so to"

All your conversations would last about 30 seconds.

If you disagree about things like religion you can have heated week long debates and all manner of other simulating conversation.

...or something.

[Emu]

People don't typically want to fuck people who dislike everything they value. So, I don't think that's true.

[Helm]

I think that's bullshit too. Why would a conversation with someone likeminded last 30 seconds? It might not turn into an argument, but not all conversations are arguments. "Lost in translation was very good." "Yeah I agree for x and y reasons." "Note how y really foreshadows x in that part of the film" etc etc

What you said sounds like cheap cosmo style crap.

[AChimp]

1. You don't have any value for money.
2. You don't have a concept of justice.
3. You play by your own rules.

You sound immature and childish. No wonder she's concerned.

[kahljorn]

lol. It's always funny to see people demoralize and completely destruct somebody's boring personality. CONGRATULATIONS CHIMPY, YOU WIN A LIFESAVER.. A PURPLE ONE... FROM A THAI FOOD PLACE.

[!!!!]

sounds like she needs a rough assfucking

[kellychaos]

Originally Posted by Emu

People don't typically want to fuck people who dislike everything they value. So, I don't think that's true.

It doesn't have to be to be this absolute. Anyone with common sense can see a good person beyond what that person thinks may be there social/religious values. Maybe they were brought up to think this or that are their values but you can tell they are hedging their bets based on what they were taught. Again, this is where respect and seeing the real person for what they are comes in to play. Did that make any sense? I'm feeling nonsensical.

[Dole]

I have dated several Nazis and radical Islamists, no problem.

[kellychaos]

Originally Posted by AChimp

1. You don't have any value for money.
2. You don't have a concept of justice.
3. You play by your own rules.

You sound immature and childish. No wonder she's concerned.

Pee Wee Herman: There's things about me you don't know, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.

Dottie: I don't understand.

Pee Wee Herman: You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

[DeadKennedys]

Rebel without a cause

Anyway, everything worked itself out. She realized this week just how much she loves me and she doesn't care how much we argue or anything, she'd be happy to be miserable with me And frankly, that was already my point of view

[Yggdrasill]

Yay, true love conquers most things that aren't physical.