U.S. TO LEAVE IRAQ JUNE 30, RETURN JULY 1
Bush Announces ‘Operation Iraqi Re-freedom’
In his weekly radio address, President George W. Bush announced that if the new Iraqi government asks the United States to leave Iraq on June 30 it will do so, but added that it will return to Iraq on July 1, one day later.
Mr. Bush expressed his hope that the U.S.’s one-day absence from Iraq would stir nostalgia for the coalition troops and cause a public groundswell of support for their re-occupation of the country.
Calling the U.S.’s planned July 1 re-invasion of Iraq “Operation Iraqi Re-freedom,” Mr. Bush said the troops’ return to the Middle Eastern nation would give the Iraqi people a unique chance to “get it right this time.”
“Last time we invaded, we were not greeted with flowers,” Mr. Bush said. “There are operators standing by at 1-800-FLOWERS even as I speak.”
The president also revealed that U.S. forces were currently re-erecting a statue of Saddam Hussein to be re-toppled upon their July 1 return.
In other developments in Iraq, Mr. Bush announced that as a goodwill gesture the U.S. would close Abu Ghraib prison and re-open it as a Wal-Mart.
The president pointed out that the prison was an ideal candidate for such a conversion since it already had the facilities necessary to lock in its employees at night as well as an extensive ladies’ underwear department.
Mr. Bush concluded his radio address by confirming that he had asked Congress for $25 billion for Iraq and a books-on-tape version of the Geneva Conventions.
http://borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=865
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