Features

Perndog · #1

http://www.okcupid.com

I liked all of their previous work. Hopefully this will turn out to be a good source of humor and more longevous than the Spark was.

EverythingWillSuck · #2

I am 'The Backrubber'

Anonymous · #3

I got "The boy next door".

Supafly345 · #4

I got "The Slow Dancer"

Brandon · #5

I got "The Billy Goat"

Dr. V · #6

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Boogie

I got "The boy next door".

Me too

I'm a loser.

Perndog · #7

I'm The Last Man on Earth. Hmm.

Mike · #8

I'm "The Billy Goat". Geez, it's scary how accurate the assessment is. Everything it said was a pretty accurate description of me.

Jixby Phillips · #9

I'm "The Pool Boy"

eggyolk · #10

I got "Stud"

Stabby · #11

The Manchild...

Quote:

we'd like you to consider NOT using OkCupid. You can be unthinking and hurtful, and we think you LIKE seeing bad things happen. You've had a moderate number of relationships, but broken a disproportionate number of hearts.

Jerks. What do they know?

Emu · #12

it crashed my computer

i must really suck

brandinoel · #13

I'm a Random Brutal Love Master "The Sudden Departure" :/

Pee Wee Herman · #14

Quote:

Friendly and eager. You are The Pool Boy.

A teen at heart, you anxiously move about your daily tasks, hoping, praying for a good, instant lay. You're carefree, enthusiastic, and rarely discouraged. Love is cool, but it's not for you right now. You know what is? Crotches.

You're a fun person in both big and small groups, and your friends trust and love you. Inside you, meanwhile, your lust is only growing. Imagine your beating heart sprouting pubic hair. Exactly. Try shaving that.

If you're not scoring enough--which you aren't--you should adopt new strategies. Lower your standards. Be aggressive. Pool Boys are often submissive and hope (desperately) sex will find them. Realize that passiveness will not hook the horny girls you desire. A bolder approach and sheer repetition will.

MisSFiT · #15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supafly345

I got "The Slow Dancer"

I got "Ghengis Khunt"

And I'm supposed to stay away from people like "The Slow Dancer"

executioneer · #16

boy next door

-willie

Dole · #17

The Loverboy
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm)

Matt Harty · #18

I am The Mixed Messenger
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLDm)

Quote:

Just...take...the...fucking...flower...darling. The Mixed Messenger apologizes again.

You're looking for love, but you'll always maintain your independence. You're prepared for a real commitment, but it's also likely that you're ambitious, which creates a certain romantic tension and ambivalence within you. So although you can be very affectionate to someone, you are also capable of pulling some dubious shit.

In a relationship, you're usually the emotional leader. With your friends, you're a little bit more part of the pack. You're well-liked but you're not the uninhibited type, so the spotlight's often on someone else. In both social and romantic situations, however, you almost always get what you want. Influencing people is something you do very well.

Mmm... yep that's me. :/

Rez · #19

this thing is useless to someone who knows who they are. or even had a girlfriend/boyfriend.

it's almost like i'm reading "you like oxygen, not sulfur"

Hobo Renee · #20

I got The Priss. Winks to all of you Manchilds out there, I suppose...

Hobo Renee · #21

Haha, they won't let me sign in until my birthday. Losers! Oh well, it's only...35 days and counting. Not to mention that it's only 36 days until I see Kevin Smith speak at UC Berkeley. Yee haw.