This flaming bag of dogshit arrived in my email today.
When they were making the regrettable crapfest called "The Grudge 2", the director
admitted that he was out of ideas and just pulling stuff out of his ass. (All of these shit analogies are very much on purpose, by the way, including the "anal" in "analogies"). I like Takako Fuji a lot and she scared the hell out of me in the v-cinema versions, particularly Ju-On 2.
So with
great patience I sat through every. fucking. incarnation of this movie, waiting for the day they accidentally stumbled upon a similar magical formula. But it didn't happen. It had too many versions in Japanese cinema, and I saw the whole franchise going down like the Titanic when they did the
Grudge remake. I disliked
The Grudge, did not find it in the least frightening even when I was the only person watching it at night in an abandoned theater.
I did buy the DVD, out of the Walmart $5 bin, for the Takako Fuji commentary. I will admit that. When
The Grudge 2 came out, I was in disbelief that they'd gotten a few more drops out of the teat. I rented it, shook my head, and put the Netflix envelope back in the mail.
The Grudge 3? What the
fuck? This whole thing is so completely tired and
done that the project should have been aborted about 5 movies ago. Surely this isn't still bringing in money?
Not counting the short that spawned this whole mess,
The Grudge 3 makes the SEVENTH film in this series.
We have:
Ju-On- v-cinema 1
Ju-On- v-cinema 2
Ju-On: The Grudge 1
Ju-On: The Grudge 2
The Grudge (American Remake)
The Grudge 2 (bad, so bad)
The Grudge 3
And you know what? THEY'RE ALL THE SAME. IT'S ALL THE SAME DAMN MOVIE, and you're hearing this from someone who is very inclined to be generous with it. I can spare you hours of watching and summarize every movie in a few simple sentences.
- Random idiot outsider stumbles upon either a cursed house or a cursed person. The plot stopped making the slightest bit of sense a few movies ago.
- Cue appearances of creepy blue or white croaking woman, creepy crouching naked kid who meows from time to time, and copious amounts of black hair.
- Sooner or later, someone crawls down a staircase in jerky stop-motion*
-The whole story of the curse is ponderously rehashed in a series of flashbacks that take anywhere from 20-50% of the movie's run-time.
So, no thank you, Sony, but I think I'll skip catching
The Grudge 3 on DVD. I think I'll even skip those
TERRIFYING clips, thanks. I have a feeling I already know what's in them.
If anyone feels up to it, watch for croaking chicks, crouching/meowing naked kids, frightened white girls (possibly with phones or in showers) and random gobs of black hair. Get back to me and let me know if I was right.
Stop. Now. Please.
* Takako Fuji claims that it's all her own contortion work coming down the staircase. I'll give her that she's surely an expert at it by now. But I believe either stop-motion or sped up film is involved until I'm proven otherwise.
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