Features

CaptainBubba · #1

YOU KNOW, YOU NEEDLE-DICKED PANSIES COWER IN FEAR WHEN I WHIP MY TOWERING CYCLOPS OUT. MY PENIS CONSUMES LIGHT AND WHOLE ASTEROIDS LIKE THEY WERE NOTHING. ONE TIME I GOT AN ERECTION AND THAT CAUSED A WHOLE GALAXY TO BE SHATTERED BY THE SHEER FORCE. WHEN I EJACULATE IT CAUSES THE GRAVITATIONAL CONSTANT OF THE UNIVERSE TO BE ALTERED BECAUSE OF THE SUDDEN INCREASE IN MASS. AT THE END OF TIME THERE WILL BE NOTHING LEFT IN THE UNIVERSE BUT DARK MATTER AND MY PENIS. MY PENIS EXISTS IN FOUR DIMENSIONS, EXPANDING OUTWARD AT LIGHT SPEED LIKE TIME ITSELF. MY PENIS COMPOSES THE UNIVERSE AND TICKLES AZATHOTH'S OMNIPOTENT BUNGHOLE WHEN THE STARS ARE RIGHT. ENTROPY IS BUT A FART IN THE WIND FOR MY PENIS. MY PENIS CAN BREAK MATHEMATICS! IT IS ABLE TO TRANSCEND REALITY AND DESTROY HUMAN THOUGHT WITH ITS SHEER VOLUME AND MASS. MY PENIS HAS A PENIS, AND THAT PENIS IS STILL BIGGER THAN YOUR PENIS.

Sethomas · #2

I'd love to see your explanation for why increased mass would alter the gravitational constant. I mean, I'm not in topology or anything, but the intrinsic properties of gravitons seems like a given to me.

CaptainBubba · #3

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainBubba

MY PENIS CAN BREAK MATHEMATICS!

kellychaos · #4

My penis can form many geometric forms but has trouble with parabolas and sin curves.

Marc Summers · #5

I thought those would be the more easy geometric forms to make...
I mean, can you make an octagon or what...I don't know...

ArrowX · #6

Wouldn't your penis get in the way of Typing?

kellychaos · #7

i'm a hunt and pecker

Slinky Ferret · #8

Any man who talks about their dick in that way must have a tiny pencil in his pants.

Of course there are exceptions to the rule.

CaptainBubba · #9

YHEA I MUST BE LYING ON THE INTERYET AM I RIGHT GUYS> LOLOL

Guitar Woman · #10

Thread backups

The One and Only... · #11

Clearly, Bubba and I must duel with our wangs to settle who has the most massive member.

Archduke Tips · #12

The penis mightier.

HickMan · #13

Quote:

Originally Posted by The One and Only...

Clearly, Bubba and I must duel with our wangs to settle who has the most massive member.

haha

Emu · #14

Quote:

Originally Posted by The One and Only...

Clearly, Bubba and I must duel with our wangs to settle who has the most massive member.

shut up

Blaber66 · #15

MY WANG IS SO BIG I COULD PUT A WHITE PIGON IT AND MAKE A WHITE PIG POPSICKLE. MORE LIKE PENISSISCKLE!!! ROFLMAO

kellychaos · #16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Slinky Ferret

Any man who talks about their dick in that way must have a tiny pencil in his pants.

Of course there are exceptions to the rule.

as any homophobe must be a homosexual, surely

CaptainBubba · #17

THE INTERNET IS A PLACE FULL OF INTELLIGENT PEOPLE.
SOMETIMES WHEN I AM LONELY I SAY HEY THERE ARE HUMANS
ON THE INTERNT
THEY WILL NOT JUDGE ME BY MY PENIS THERE

kellychaos · #18

I imagine it to be quite awkward in social circles with such a large member. What do you use as an ice-breaker?

Dole · #19

I remember being in a pub a few years ago, and this guy in his late thirties-ish came in, looking slightly dishevelled. He was wearing tracksuit bottoms and no underwear because he just obviously had the most jaw droppingly humoungous cock in the southern counties.
It was obvioulsy freakishly large, clearly visible from the 20 feet or so me and my friends were sitting from him. Thing was, he was on his own, and just stood there uncomfortably drinking a pint on his own for half an hour. It seemed to me, that the this poor guy's only hope of starting any kind of interaction was based solely on 'I have no friends, but look, I have a freakishly large penis'. It had obviously become this unremarkable, lonely chap's only defining characteristic. It was all he had to give to the world.
It was disturbing and depressing. He left on his own - anyone who noticed, particularly the females present, were visibly freaked out. Think on. Careful what you wish for.

kellychaos · #20

sort of like the guy in the Twilight Zone episode who wished to be left alone to his reading only to have his spectacles ruined after he got his wish :irony

sadie · #21

obsolete.

kellychaos · #22

Not so. What if the remaining earthly women were asian or some other urbanly-legend, small-vagina types?!

sadie · #23

that was the name of that episode, fool.

kellychaos · #24

Time Enough At Last

Quote:

Henry Bemis (Burgess Meredith) is a bookish little man who can never find the time to read. He can't read at home or at work because both his wife and boss think reading is a waste of time. Henry takes his lunch breaks in the vault at the bank where he works. During one of these lunch breaks, a super hydrogen bomb is tested, ending mankind. Henry is the only one left. He loses hope and is about to commit suicide when he finds the public library. All the books he could ever hope for are his for the taking. He finally has all the time in the world to read. Unfortunately, as he is about to pick up a book, his glasses fall off and shatter.

To be fair, though, Meredith was in a bunch of Twilight Zone episodes. :/