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demo download options
10 measly bux.
Click here to buy it!
Hateful Chris and win a registered copy on CD!
Let’s face it: We live in a commercial world. You can look in almost
any direction and see some form of advertisement, from lingerie ads in
the paper, to the TV spots for drugs that claim to elongate… things,
to those goddamn weight loss leaflets that keep showing up under my
windshield wiper. Everyday, another sells out to big name corporations
(henceforth known as “the man”) and hocks stuff that they wouldn’t be
caught dead using. Then, dead celebrities are reincarnated to sell
even more crap. Why, it’s enough to make a bitter and cynical guy like
me into a slightly more bitter and cynical-type guy.
even been talk of game designers selling space in their games. Imagine
it: cutting down hordes of enemies with your America Online Broad
Sword of Slaying. Terrorist and counter-terrorist forces engaging each
other in the aisles of a Wal-Mart. Cavorting about in a post
apocalyptic wasteland sponsored by Pepsi! Egad, the possibilities are
horrific! The future of gaming is bleak and doom-ful!
once again, independently made games are there to snatch us out of the
stinking miasma of boring mainstream games to deliver the wonderfully
simple, yet entertaining gameplay of yesteryear. They may not have
fancy 3D engines or lucrative movie tie-ins, but boy, do they deliver.
Case in point: Hateful Chris – Never Say Buy.
In HC -
NSB, you assume the role of the chipper, optimistic young skeleton
child for whom the game is named. After failing to bring him in as
their new mascot, the evil faceless corporation, International
Infotainment, has attempted to duplicate the Hateful Chris experience
by creating a second-rate clone named “Dreadful Dana,” and unlike the
real deal, this clone isn’t as concerned with tearing down the
materialistic views of society, as he is with selling out big time and
ruining Hateful Chris’ image. Well, our hero is not one to take this
sort of thing lying down, and he sets off to do what anyone would do
in the same situation: rage across the city.
As much as I like destruction, though, if it’s not properly directed,
it won’t accomplish much. As such, you have eight different quests
that you can do along the way to toppling International Infotainment,
of which you need do only four. They range from something as simple as
getting a giant gun from some sailors in exchange for beer, to ruining
a boy band concert, to planting a big bomb in a shopping mall. Each
one is trickier than you’d think (especially the one with the
sweatshop workers), but with the right choice of weapons, any quest
can become child’s play.
what weapons there are! There is a plethora of weapons in this game,
from ninja stars to chain guns. Hell, even seemingly innocent items
such as Popsicles and Salami can be used with deadly force. Here are
some of the more notable weapons:
know what you’re thinking: “Ooh a pickaxe. How original.” Well, stuff
your gob, Lucinda, because this isn’t just an ordinary,
put-a-hole-in-someone’s-head pickaxe, oh no:
right; in a few seconds, you can dig a hole, line it with punji
sticks, and put a little sign next to it. And don’t think that the
sign will stop people from walking right into it either; people are
stupid like that.
is this curious device? Why, it’s the Lardlord 2000, used by the
employees at Überburger to extract more grease from the basement
storage tank. As you can see, it has an adverse effect on human
even throw a junkie’s used hypodermic needles at people, just like
that guy from Narc. The only real difference, aside from you not
having a mullet, is that instead of flashing all sorts of colors, the
people you hit with the needles start repeatedly vomiting.
At one point, you can even buy yourself a schnazzy mech to traipse
around town in. Now I ask you, how many games let you throw needles at
people, and buy your own mech? None, that’s how many. Of course, mechs
don’t run on happy thoughts; you’ll need to watch your fuel supply.
Fortunately, fuel can be easily obtained by smattering a few members
of the populous.
All of the worst elements of society are all here: goths, ravers,
wiggers, punks, white trash, bums, old people, and the like. Plus,
they each have their own attack method; the ravers throw pills at you,
the bums send noxious clouds at you, old people throw their dentures,
and goths run away as soon as you hit them. You’ll need to kill ‘em
all to get the job done. Fortunately, as you’ve seen, you’ve got
plenty of firepower to get the job done. As if that weren’t enough,
however, you have a trump card:
You see, whenever you hurt someone, there is a spray of blood. If
enough of that blood gets on you, you can activate "Berserk mode", and
slaughter whatever streetwalkers are around you with a single,
gruesome attack. Plus, the method of attack changes every time, so you
may be slicing throw a row of them with a scythe one time, and the
very next time detonating a bomb at your feet, which is a surprisingly
effective method of mayhem.
So there you have it: Carnage and sadism once again form an
entertaining duo, and we are shown once more that almost any problem
can be solved with wanton violence and a general disregard for laws
and morals. With that in mind, download the demo. Better yet, spend
ten bucks and
buy the game. Come on, sell out. It’s fun. One of us!
One of us! One of us!
while you're at it, come check out the next installment in the Hateful
Chris legacy: "Shoot the Moon". It's in 3D!!! Holy crap!
Check it out here.
NOTE: THIS CONTEST
CLICK HERE FOR THE RESULTS!
again, we're happy to announce another contest. This time, the
ferocious fiends of Furious Entertainment have been kind enough to
provide us with a fully registered copy of Hateful Chris to give away
to you, the ungrateful cheap-ass who can't spend 10 bux on a great
game. Yes indeed, whoever wins this contest will receive their very
own free copy of "Hateful Chris: Never Say Buy" on CD! Not a
bad deal eh? Ok so here's how to enter...
to draw Hateful Chris. Make him look better, make him look more evil,
make him look however you want. It's up to you. You have to draw
Hateful Chris brutalizing, maiming, and yes, even killing the one
person/thing you hate more than anything. For example, if you hate sea
monkeys, you have to draw Hateful Chris ending their existence in the
most painful way you can imagine. HOLD NOTHING BACK! The winner
of the contest will receive a registered copy of Hateful Chris on CD.
Then you can waste the 10 bux
you would have spent on the game on something else... like
*yet another blatant advertisement*
entries must be received by APRIL 1ST, 2003.
Contest results and all of the entries will be posted for all to see
shortly after that date on this page.
Pictures should NOT exceed 500k
Animated .gifs and Flash .swf animations are acceptable too.
Entries are going to be judged on humor, creativity, blood, and gore.
ANYBODY can enter, you don't have to be an amazing artist to win.
as many times as you like, there is no limit.
Winning entry receives a
free registered copy of Hateful Chris on CD!
Runner-up entry will receive some free
Are you an
independent game developer? Is there a great indie game you've
Email us some info about
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