Zombie Smashers X
Click here for
10 measly bux.
*Click here for results
of the Zombie Smashers X contest*
the Age of Strife (read: the 80s), there was a severe lacking in
entertainment outside of cocaine and all those one-hit-wonder bands
you see compiled on “Best of the 80s” CDs. Then one day, the Nintendo
Entertainment System was released, with a promise to shepherd us from
the darkness. There was only one problem: the Nintendos were only
built to last a maximum of three years before it became nearly
impossible to get one of your games to load.
Despite such a glaring defect, the NES has withstood the test of time,
passing from the era of its birth all the way into the end of the
millennium. In its wake, there were numerous memorable titles, such as
the Double Dragon series. In the tradition of that series, Technos,
the company behind it, brought forth another spectacular fighting
game, with just a hint of RPG within it. Thus, River City Ransom was
In it, you punched, kicked, and beat your enemies with sticks. Plus,
you’d earn money from doing so, which you’d spend on various foods and
trinkets that would boost your fighting ability. Indeed, it was truly
magnificent game, where you would be assaulting a gang member with a
trashcan in one scene, and then eating a strength-boosting
cheeseburger in the next. I asked myself, how could you improve on
such a simple, timeless formula of ruthless beatings and fantastic
powerups? Well, my question was answered, and not with a resounding,
“you can’t,” like the more cynical among you might be thinking. No,
the wonderful people at Totally Screwed Software have managed to
revive the presumed-dead RCR legacy with a little gem they call
Zombie Smashers X.
Choose your smasher!
longer confined to selecting just two almost identical characters, you
now have a whopping ten characters at your fingertips. They all start
with the same statistics, in terms of strength, agility, punch, RBIs,
etc. In this game, however, each character starts with a different
special move or ability. They range from a simple headbutt, to being
“crotchety” (always starting with the “crotchety cane”), to the gory,
visceral “heartbreaker,” which I will talk about later.
Enough about pre-carnage stuff, though. Let’s take a look at the
bloody, bone-crunching, face-shattering, bowel-blasting combat:
Clean-up in aisle seven...
you will about zombies, they retain a lot more blood than you’d think
they would. Every blow that draws blood splatters it across the
pavement while you sit at your computer and giggle maniacally. During
an extended battle, in other words during every fight scene that you
don’t leave early, you may be hard pressed to see even a single inch
(or centimeter for our friends overseas) of the ground.
For the most part, the combat is very similar to that of RCR, but with
more special moves. Plus, to further boost your zombie smashing
abilities, your character has an adrenalin bar that build up with each
successful blow. When the bar is full, you start shaking like a crack
addict with Parkinson’s, and the strength of your punches and kicks is
increased to the point of hurling your enemies backwards, or just
popping their heads like juicy zits. Sadly, all good things must come
to an end, and you will soon be back to beating the crap out of
everyone with an empty adrenalin bar. On the plus side, you don’t need
to have the bar completely full to experience its benefits, as the
adrenalin bar will gradually empty and refill your health bar for some
Mmm, weapon-o-rific goodness.
you familiar with RCR will remember that for weapons, all you got were
a few poorly drawn items such as baseballs, pipes, trashcans, and
other things that you’d expect to find in an alleyway of a
stereotypical American big city. Not this time, as this game was made
by people that actual live in the country they portray in their game.
You can find many of the same items, but you’ll also happen upon
wrenches, shurikens, knives, the “crotchety cane” (shown on the far
right), and other deadly fighting accoutrements. What’s more is that
you can throw lighter items, such as the shuriken, farther than, say,
the crate or trashcan. The tire and other similar, rolling-potential
objects, rolls along the ground instead of coming to a dead stop,
making them into a sort of long-range weapon. One that can
accidentally (and easily) knock you on your ass, but a long-range
Apu? Are you in there?
examples of updating from the original RCR can be seen with the modern
in-between store sections. That means no more 50s era diners or places
like “Chez Walle.” Plus, instead of learning new special moves by
reading about them in books, you can now simply go to the tattoo
parlor and get one etched onto you! Screw literacy! Of the available
tattoos, however, the most useful one allows you to see what benefits
the different foods will give you (i.e. Boost your strength, raise
your maximum health, etc.). A very useful thing to have before you go
and blow $20 on a huge pizza that won’t boost the stats you want.
How many editors do you know have have a "ninja" box to check off?
Check the box of spite! You can never have enough SPITE!
doesn’t end once you’ve beaten the game, oh no. Zombie Smashers X
comes packaged with an editor so you can make your own custom game.
Piece together a location to match the crappy town you live in. Make your
own stores that sell your own custom food. How many games can say that
they have a food editor? Max Payne? Hell no. Unreal Tournament? You
There you have it. A truly marvelous, yet devilishly simplistic game.
One that avoids today’s overemphasis on cutting edge graphics to
offset horrible gameplay, while at the same time being as wonderfully
bloody as all get out.
Download the demo right now, and
if you like it, send the creator a ten spot to get the full version
for even more pointless violence. Sweet, pointless violence *drool*.
Ahem, more importantly, if you like the game and pay for the
registered version, I won’t look like such a stinkin’ crook for
tricking him into giving me a free copy.
THIS CONTEST HAS
CLICK HERE TO SEE THE
to the spiffy bastards at Totally Screwed Software, we're able to give
you the opportunity to win the full version of Zombie Smashers X! Yep,
they're offering a free registration code to anybody who wins whatever
contest we come up with. So what did we come up with? It's quite
to draw a zombie. And then smash it. Smash it it the bloodiest,
goriest, cruelest way you can possibly imagine. All entries must
have before and after shots of the zombie! All entries will be put
up on the site for everybody to see! And the winner of the contest
will get a free registration code for Zombie Smashers X so he/or she
can play the full version of the game! Then you can waste the 10 bux
you would have spent on the game on something else... like
all there is to it! Email your entries (or links to your entries) to:
entries must be received by September 15th.
Contest results and all of the entries will be posted
for all to see shortly after that.
forget, you need to send in a "before" and "after" picture of your
zombie. (ie: pre-smashed and post-smashed versions)
Pictures should not exceed 500k
Animated .gifs and Flash .swf animations are acceptable too.
Entries are going to be judged on humor, creativity, blood, and gore.
ANYBODY can enter, you don't have to be an amazing artist to win.
Winning entry receives a free registration code for Zombie Smashers X!
That's all there is
to it! So start coming up with some twisted zombies and smash 'em!
send in your entries before the
Are you an
independent game developer? Is there a great indie game you've
Email us some info about
the game and we just might do a feature on it