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Game Features


Zombie Smashers X2
Game: Zombie Smashers X2
Developer: Totally Screwed Software

Demo Download: Click here to download the demo
Registration fee: 20 measly bux.

Our friend Jim Silva over at Totally Screwed Software is no slouch. In the few short years that he and the rest of the gang at TSS have been making games, heís managed to turn out the gore-o-rific tribute to River City Ransom that is Zombie Smashers X, the epic party-based slaughter fest that is Blood Zero, and the guns-ablaziní zombie holocaust that is Survival Crisis Z. Now, though, it is time for us to get back to the basics, and look back upon the game that first won Jim the acclaim of countless gaming publications and homoerotic humor websites such as this one: the original Zombie Smashers X.

The plot was simple enough: there are zombies (and others) that need smashing, so get to it. And it was a good game. A great game, in fact. The fans clambered for more; more zombies, more ninjas, more blood, more everything! Well folks, Iím tickled pink to announce that your prayers and bestial howls have been answered with the sequel to the game that made you wax nostalgic even as you were decapitating the undead. Presenting, Zombie Smashers X2.

Those zombies don't stand a chance.

Now I, personally, didnít have a problem with the plot of the first ZSX being summed up as simply ďkill,Ē but ZSX2 comes with a plot that unfolds as you play; a grisly tale full of zombie raves, killer robots, magic, and the internet. The principal players in this gory story are five, distilled from the original ten from ZSX:

Choose your champion!

From the left, Punker, Chelsea, Hiro, Rudy, and Maybey. As in the first ZSX, each character starts with one of the many special abilities, such as a punch combo and a neck-breaker, and the rest can be ďlearnedĒ by getting tattoos. However, unlike the first game, the skills have been divided into seven different disciplines. The Crusher tree gives you some interesting things to do with enemies that have been knocked down; the Kung Fu tree gives you lightning-fast punches and aids your blocking; but for my money, the one of the most useful moves you can perform comes from the Assassin tree. Fans of the first ZSX will recall the Heartbreaker, a delightful coup de grace in which you rip out your opponentís heart and eat it. In that spirit, the highest Assassin tier will bestow upon you a move called the Spine Removal:

Call a chiropractor!

A simple spine removal is somewhat impressive. However, the Spine Removal move not only kills your foe; it lets you keep his spine as a freakiní weapon! And let me tell you, that column of vertebrates is one of the deadliest melee weapons you can get your hands on. Just donít let one fall into the hands of the enemy. A backbone bludgeoning is among the quickest ways to wind up back in town with half your money gone.

Each discipline has three different levels. To obtain the highest level, youíll need to undertake quests for different people, running the gamut from fetching a loaf of bread to quelling a horde of angry ninjas. Why, thereís even a celebrity quest-giver in the game:

My contacts fell out!

Admiral Ackbar, or rather Sea Captain Ackbar! After you bust the heads of some local mummies, Ackbar gives you the greatest gift anyone can receive. No, not the laughter of a child. Magic.

The colors!

As you bloody your fists and feet, a magic gauge will slowly charge, and when itís full, you can input a few key combinations to unleash untold carnage upon your foes. Ackbar gives you the ability to slow time, and youíll gain other spells as you complete other quests. Thereís even a spell that will let you magic up an uzi for yourself.

Thatís right; in addition to boxes, frying pans, pipes, and heads, youíll find a number of guns in the game as well. Reloading is out of the question, but fortunately, an empty gun is still handy for bashing those enemies who didnít submit to a steady stream of bullets. You can even bring the action back to town with you and start trouble there.

Self control?  What's that?

As you can see, Johnny Law is not about to sit tight and let you gun down the part of the populace that isnít out for your blood. And boy, those cops pack a wallop that rivals the damage from a pointblank shotgun blast. Still, itís always fun to see how many you can pummel before they bring your ass down.

Anyway, in between killing and questing, there are a few mini games here and there that you can try. The very first town has a basketball court where you can challenge zombies and local folk to a game of Combat Hoops.

Air Punker.

Itís like regular basketball, except that the ball is slightly larger and fouls are encouraged. Also, there arenít any lucrative endorsement deals if youíre good at it, so thatís a bummer.

Your journey isnít limited to dusty crypts and nameless towns. This time around, youíll get to travel the world, traveling to such exotic locales as France.

Par lay vooooooo!

Itís just as I imagined it, only with less accordion music. Then again, all I have to go on are old Bugs Bunny cartoons. Anyway, if France isnít your cup of tea, or fromage, youíll also be headed to other nifty places, including beaches, fancy office buildings, and even the moon! And also junkyards, crypts, and forests, but itís hard to get excited about that when you get to go to the frigging moon.

Also new to the series are some ska, punk, and hardcore bands providing the music by which zombies are smashed. Of course, some of you may not view this soundtrack as an improvement. Well donít you worry; you can create your own custom music playlist to properly set the mood.

We can dance... if we want to.

Ah, now I feel like killing something.

As you can see, ZSX2 has been crammed with new features without losing any of the mindless fun of the original. Stay tuned for ZSX3, which will feature time travel, dune buggies, jetpacks, dinosaurs, home ownership, ballroom dancing, and even more ninjas. Or maybe just more zombie smashing fun. Til then, hereís a shot from a trip I took to the Interweb:

Spyware is even scarier than zombies.

Review by:

Dr. Boogie


Thanks to the spiffy bastards at Totally Screwed Software, we're able to give you the opportunity to win the full version of Zombie Smashers X2! Yep, they're offering a free registration code to anybody who wins our contest. And what contest is that?

Once again, you need to draw a zombie.... and then smash it. Smash it it the bloodiest, goriest, cruelest way you can possibly imagine. All entries must have before and after shots of the zombie! All entries will be put up on the site for everybody to see! And the winner of the contest will get a free registration code for Zombie Smashers X2 so he/or she can play the full version of the game!

That's all there is to it! Email your entries (or links to your entries) to:


  • All entries must be received by July 31st 2005. Contest results and all of the entries will be posted for all to see shortly after that.

  • Don't forget, you need to send in a "before" and "after" picture of your zombie. (ie: pre-smashed and post-smashed versions)

  • Pictures should not exceed 500k

  • Animated .gifs and Flash .swf animations are acceptable too.

  • Entries are going to be judged on humor, creativity, blood, and gore.

  • ANYBODY can enter, you don't have to be an amazing artist to win.

  • Winning entry receives a free registration code for Zombie Smashers X2!

That's all there is to it! So start coming up with some twisted zombies and smash 'em!
Then send in your entries before the July 31st!

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