Good ol' Party City...
they always seem to carry the most amusing items every Halloween,
and this year is no different. You've already seen the oddity that I
dubbed the WTF Ball,
well now feast your eyes on Bubbagum Halloween Candy Teeth!
That's right, the
people behind Bubbagum are going where no gum has gone before:
they're preparing kids for those years later in life when dentures
are needed. Just like
Big League Chew teaches kids the joys of chewing tobacco,
Bubbagum shows them the wonders of products such as PoliGrip in the
form of tasty candy.
And you gotta love any
product that requires you to take the food out of your mouth
AFTER you've been chewing it. Yep, that's always a winner for
the kids. Well anyway, this year the Bubbagum people have released 4
different sets of Halloween candy teeth, so let's take a look at
First up is the
vampire fangs. I sharpened up the pictures in Photoshop because the
photos on the packaging are actually really blurry. Guess these guys
didn't want to invest in a decent printer. And who could blame 'em
since the kids who buy these things probably couldn't care less.
The gum itself is ok,
nothing all that tasty, but that's typical of novelty candy items
like this. It does, however, come packaged with a tattoo of the
Bubbagum company logo. So kudos to them for stuffing more fun into
this little package, even if it is basically turning the kids into
walking, talking billboards.
Perhaps I'm alone, but
I really don't like the feeling of chewed gum in my hands. I don't
even like the look of it, so applying the gum to the fangs just so I
can stick them in my mouth? Yeah, that wasn't much fun.
Call me crazy, but I
don't think I've made a convincing vampire here. Then again, none of
these packages come with the makeup kits that you'd need to finish
the job. A buck 'n change can only buy you so much.
Next up is is the
"Monster" gum, which is obviously supposed to be what Frankenstein's
teeth would look like if the mad scientist had decided to go that
extra mile by using individual teeth from different people when
putting Frankenstein together. Well at least that's how the teeth in
the photo of Frankenstein look. The teeth that you actually get look
quite different. They seem to have morphed together to form one
twisted toothy mass.
Well I may not look
like I have the teeth of Frankenstein, but I'm sure I could get just
about as many ladies as he could if I wore these out in public.
Come on now! Could
they not even find a real person to pose as a witch for their
package? That looks like a cutout that some kid made during crafts
class in elementary school using a paper plate and some markers.
To those who are not
willing to pay insane gas prices and instead ride on brooms, we
salute you! Seriously though, do witches even have a distinguishable
set of teeth? I mean other than being dirty maybe, I didn't think
there was much to them. They could just as easily be this next set
of teeth and no one would be the wiser.
So these are the teeth
that are capable of chomping through a human skull in order to reach
those tasty brains that lay hidden within? Damn, they're stronger
than they look. Either way, at least they didn't use a colored paper
plate for the character on the packaging this time.
No that wasn't me
trying to look like one of the undead, that was just my natural
reaction from having taken out the same wad of chewed gum and
putting it back in my mouth for all the teeth 4 different times. But
hey, why stop there? These zombie teeth may not look all that great
alone, but what about when combined with the fangs?
Oh yeah, I think we've
got a winning combination here, no doubt about it. Personally, I
think I'll stick with some classic Wax Fangs instead of these. Now
before I go vomit from having all this candy 'n gum in my mouth
tonight, let's at least check out my new hardcore Bubbagum tattoo!
SUGGEST THIS TO A FRIEND!