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Please, don't grab the bag. It's just a catchy name.



Good ol' Party City... they always seem to carry the most amusing items every Halloween, and this year is no different. You've already seen the oddity that I dubbed the WTF Ball, well now feast your eyes on Bubbagum Halloween Candy Teeth!

Suggestion: wash your hands BEFORE handling the chewed gum

That's right, the people behind Bubbagum are going where no gum has gone before: they're preparing kids for those years later in life when dentures are needed. Just like Big League Chew teaches kids the joys of chewing tobacco, Bubbagum shows them the wonders of products such as PoliGrip in the form of tasty candy.

And you gotta love any product that requires you to take the food out of your mouth AFTER you've been chewing it. Yep, that's always a winner for the kids. Well anyway, this year the Bubbagum people have released 4 different sets of Halloween candy teeth, so let's take a look at each one.

how realistic!

First up is the vampire fangs. I sharpened up the pictures in Photoshop because the photos on the packaging are actually really blurry. Guess these guys didn't want to invest in a decent printer. And who could blame 'em since the kids who buy these things probably couldn't care less.

I've had tastier rice cakes.

The gum itself is ok, nothing all that tasty, but that's typical of novelty candy items like this. It does, however, come packaged with a tattoo of the Bubbagum company logo. So kudos to them for stuffing more fun into this little package, even if it is basically turning the kids into walking, talking billboards.

So photogenic!

Perhaps I'm alone, but I really don't like the feeling of chewed gum in my hands. I don't even like the look of it, so applying the gum to the fangs just so I can stick them in my mouth? Yeah, that wasn't much fun.


Call me crazy, but I don't think I've made a convincing vampire here. Then again, none of these packages come with the makeup kits that you'd need to finish the job. A buck 'n change can only buy you so much.

Just call him Frankenstein!

Next up is is the "Monster" gum, which is obviously supposed to be what Frankenstein's teeth would look like if the mad scientist had decided to go that extra mile by using individual teeth from different people when putting Frankenstein together. Well at least that's how the teeth in the photo of Frankenstein look. The teeth that you actually get look quite different. They seem to have morphed together to form one twisted toothy mass.


Well I may not look like I have the teeth of Frankenstein, but I'm sure I could get just about as many ladies as he could if I wore these out in public.

What a scary paper plate!

Come on now! Could they not even find a real person to pose as a witch for their package? That looks like a cutout that some kid made during crafts class in elementary school using a paper plate and some markers.

Which witch ate my sandwich?

To those who are not willing to pay insane gas prices and instead ride on brooms, we salute you! Seriously though, do witches even have a distinguishable set of teeth? I mean other than being dirty maybe, I didn't think there was much to them. They could just as easily be this next set of teeth and no one would be the wiser.

At least that zombie has nice hair still

So these are the teeth that are capable of chomping through a human skull in order to reach those tasty brains that lay hidden within? Damn, they're stronger than they look. Either way, at least they didn't use a colored paper plate for the character on the packaging this time.


No that wasn't me trying to look like one of the undead, that was just my natural reaction from having taken out the same wad of chewed gum and putting it back in my mouth for all the teeth 4 different times. But hey, why stop there? These zombie teeth may not look all that great alone, but what about when combined with the fangs?


Oh yeah, I think we've got a winning combination here, no doubt about it. Personally, I think I'll stick with some classic Wax Fangs instead of these. Now before I go vomit from having all this candy 'n gum in my mouth tonight, let's at least check out my new hardcore Bubbagum tattoo!