We've already seen a
pile of Halloween
candies that you can find in just about any grocery store
this year, but there's more than just that stuff out there. Target,
for example, has totally embraced Halloween this year... going above
and beyond the call of duty and I salute them for it. Not only did
they already have large sections of their store dedicated to the
holiday in early September, but they've got all sorts of great new
exclusive goodies. First and foremost, there's
Jones Halloween Sodas which you've all heard about by now.
But there's also some great candies produced by Galerie called
Gruesome Chew-Somes. These gummi candies are so nicely packaged
and cool looking, you'd rather keep them as decorations than
actually eat 'em...
First up we have
Sour Face Bats. These candies came with the promise of being so
sour that you'd instantly pucker up your lips and shout "Wooooooo
Weeeeee!!" Well, at least that's what the bat on the cover is
Just like the package
art, the gummi bats are extremely vivid and and nicely designed.
Problem is, the bats themselves aren't very sour at all. They just
taste like regular gummi candies to me. Maybe just the slightest
hint of sour... but nothing like Sour Patch Kids or anything. Not
even in the same league... or cave.
Not just Vampire
Teeth... Old Vampire Teeth! Let's hope the "old" part is
referring to the age of the vampire and not how long ago these
candies were actually made. I'm gonna assume we're safe since the
vampire on the box looks pretty elderly and his dentures are
cleaning off there in a cup.
Holy sweet bastard!
These just may be the most awesome looking candies I've seen in
ages! These don't belong in my stomach, they belong on a jeweled
fucking plaque for all to see! And let me just say that these are
perhaps the gummiest of the gummi gandies I've ever tried. I
swear, rubber must be one of the ingredients.
"I told you not to
lose your head, and what did you go and do?" Har har har! Such
brilliant humor can be found on the package of the Diabolical
Demon Heads candies. And look in the bottom corner there,
instead of a fire extinguisher, it's a flame thrower for use in case
of emergency! Har har har again! Hmmm... let's just hope the taste
of these candies isn't nearly as bad as the jokes.
Well these things
certainly smell good, a nice cinnamon smell hits you as soon as you
open the box. The flavor is ok, but I've never been into big chewy
cinnamon candies. I definitely prefer the tiny little cinnamon
hearts over these.
Attack of the
Fly-Eating Kids! That's the actual name of the candy! No fly is
safe! Just look at the sheer terror on the face of Mr. Fly there as
he goes in to his job at "Fly by Night, Inc." Wow, they really do
load these packages with the gags, eh? Seriously though, I'd love to
hear a cooler name for a candy than "Attack of the Fly-Eating Kids".
I have serious doubts that it's possible.
And talk about
colorful little goodies, these flies have it all. It's no wonder the
kids want to eat them. Plus they smell like fruit roll-ups. I guess
that makes them fruit flies, ha ha ha! Ok, now their terrible humor
is rubbing off on me.
Ok, this is by far my
favorite of the candies. Not only do the Brain Storm candies
have a fantastic cover, but the candies themselves look great too.
RAINING BRAINS!? That definitely beats raining frogs in my
book any day. It's obvious that the girl is horrified by the brain
storm, but the boy I'm not so sure about. He seems to have the look
of a satisfied pirate, and why shouldn't he? It's raining goddamned
brains for chrissakes! That's something he'll be telling the
grandkids about when he's older.
Just look at those
juicy cerebellums just aching to be devoured! Yeah I know they're
brains, but you can't tell me they don't look delicious. Well,
unfortunately looks prove to be deceiving, because they still aren't
all that tasty.
And finally we have
Frogs In Your Throat candy, runner-up in the contest for best
candy name. You see the look on that kids face? That's pretty much
the look I had when I opened the package.
That's right, one of the frogs was missing! The package was sealed
too, so I dunno how it did it. Perhaps it escaped overnight and
resealed the package to conceal the evidence, and now it's
determined to kill me. Just like the frogs did in that movie, "Hell
Comes to Frogtown". As fate would have it, I also made that same face
when I actually tried to eat one of the gummi frogs.
All in all, the
Gruesome Chew-Somes may not be too tasty, but they sure do look
better than 99% of the treats out there. And good packaging goes a
long way. Oh and let's not forget the one other thing that they
throw in with each candy pack:
See? When you have
candies that look this good and they come with stickers, you really
don't need to concern yourself over trivial little things such as, "How
do they taste?" Frankly, it just doesn't matter.
Want to see more
new 2005 Halloween Candies?
Check out this Big Pile O' Candy!