There's no way around
it; motorized animatronics are a dime a dozen come Halloween season.
You can't walk down an aisle in a store without setting of some kind
of motion-sensing spookbot that's programmed to either sing some
annoying song or shout things at you like "Happy Halloween!",
"Gimme all your candy!", "Muahahahaha!" and "I'm a
cheap piece of crap that will make your life a living hell when you
purchase me for your kids because they'll have me turned on 24/7 and
sleep will become a distant memory of the peace you once had!"
Ok, that last one was
made up, but if somebody ever actually had the balls to sell a toy
that said such a thing, I'd be the first one in line to buy it.
Still, the main thing I'm trying to say is that most of these kind
of novelties aren't worth buying simply because they won't get much
use or they will drive you batty after time. Yes, every now 'n then
there are some gems out there such as the impeccable
Crawling Brain from last year, but good ones like that are a
Anyway, I was perusing
all of the usual goodies in Target's seasonal Halloween section when
I stumbled onto what must be one of the greatest and most random
Hallo-bots I've seen so far.
Magnificent Maggot! Perched next to a bunch of typical talking
skulls, vampires and other Halloween icons, you can see why this
thing really stands out.
Magnificent Maggot is part of the Doctor Shiver's Carnival of
Terror product line, which until now, I had never heard of
before and it looks like Target just bought the rights to it.
Considering it's a maggot, they sure do have some nice things to say
about it, don't they?
"The Doctor's STAR
gorgeous... and HE KNOWS IT."
Very flattering words
for a creature that lives off of eating dead flesh. But what about
that stuff about him singing? I looked him up online and according
UK retailer, "The Magnificent Maggot Musical Toy is a
sound-activated all-singing, all-wriggling, light up musical toy
which moves along the floor whilst singing the song 'Born to be
alive' in a crazy warped voice - his oversized big eye also lights
up and the whole of his body flashes!" Apparently he was changed
for the Target version, because he does no such thing, and I can't
say I'm disappointed at all. Instead, he makes some of the greatest
"slooshy gloppy maggoty" sounds you've ever heard. Just imagine
somebody with a really bad head cold and then sticking one of those
rubber suction tubes from the dentist up their nose to drain out all
the snot. If somebody recorded that sound, you'd probably be getting
close to the noises this maggot makes. I'm sorry, but I really don't
have any other words that can describe 'em... you'll just have to
hear 'em for yourself. Don't worry, I'll give you a chance to see
him in action in a minute. But first, here's a nice look at him out
of the box:
Awww... now who
wouldn't want to cuddle up with one of those at night? His big,
swollen eye change colors and his body wiggles around and flashes. I
mean really, just imagine yourself as a young kid lying in bed at
night. Would you want something like Glo Worm to hug or would you
want a Magnificent Maggot?
Personally, I think
the choice is pretty clear... but hey, that's me.
Still, no words or
photos can do this lil' fella enough justice, so as promised, here's
a video of him in all of his magnificent maggoty glory!
Click above to watch a video of Magnificent Maggot in action!
Who needs a pet when
you can have a Magnificent Maggot? Actually, I probably should get a
cat or something. It'd be worth it simply to see how it would react
to something like our lil' maggot friend here. I'm guessing those 9
lives wouldn't be quite enough to cover all the heart attacks this
thing would induce. I guess that's what makes this little maggot
YOU FOUND SCARY-ASS TRADING CARD #4!
COLLECT ALL SERIES II CARDS
FOR A SURPRISE!
*copy this URL
down, you'll need it once you've found all 19 cards!*
In 1966, CBS began
airing not just the weirdest Soap Opera, but maybe the weirdest TV
show ever, "Dark Shadows". The Gothic Soap had a glacially slow start,
going a full 70 episodes of hinting at the supernatural before a Ghost
and a Witch made brief appearances. Jonathan Frid as Barnabas
Collins was only supposed to be around for a few months before
getting staked, but he was inexplicably wildly popular and soon became
the star. The show ran for about five years, and I think Barnabas
actually bit somebody maybe three times. Barnabas was on the cover of
Tiger Beat, on lunchboxes, games, comic books, my twelve year old girl
cousin slept with a glossy of him under her pillow. Today, no one can
explain his appeal. It must have been some pretty serious dark hoo-doo.
Find all 19 Series II "Scary-Ass
Trading Cards" this September and October (2007) and you'll not only get a
special secret final 20th card emailed to you, but you'll automatically be
entered to win a Halloween prize pack from I-Mockery! Cards will
be placed in random new I-Mockery articles during the months of
October. Simply copy the URLs of each card down into a text file
whenever you find them.
Once you have
collected the URLs of all the cards, simply email them to
email@example.com with the subject line
"I-Mockery's Scary-Ass Trading Cards!" and you will have the
special 20th card emailed to you and you'll be entered to win a
Halloween prize pack which may include masks, DVDs and more!
Remember, the cards MUST say "Series II" on them
or they will not be counted.
NOT email the actual card
graphics to us. We only want you to email us the URLs of
all the cards which you can find directly underneath them.