There are a lot of
great iconic modern horror movie monsters that almost everyone can
recognize on sight, even if they've never seen a single horror movie
in their lives. So naturally, you're going to get more of a reaction
by dressing as a familiar character rather than "Random Gothy Guy
Who is Supposed to be 'Lord of Darkness' But Actually Looks Like an
Angsty High Schooler Who Listens to Nothing But Depeche Mode and
Cries a Lot" or "Generic Vampire Slut".
Unfortunately, a lot of these costume recreations have a lot to be
desired when compared to their movie counterparts, so their "scare"
power is rather limited. Of course, if you're the kind of person who
gets scared by Halloween costumes anyway, you'll probably be
spending Halloween locked away in a church under a protective pile
of Bibles, so you really won't be seeing any of these costumes
anyway. But for the rest of us, let's take a look at costumes of
some of the more familiar modern horror movie icons and see how they stack up
against the real thing.
Freddy Krueger
Here are two different versions of Freddy. Let's take a look at the
one on the left first. Something about this just isn't quite right.
The face doesn't look so bad, apart from being lopsided, but anytime
you're dealing with a character that brandishes a sharp weapon, the
costume is going to be an inevitable disappointment. Granted, a
glove covered in obvious plastic blades isn't quite as noticeable as
something large like a fake machete, but it still looks pretty weak.
Also, I think he's missing a blade. But of course, if you go into a
party or out on the street with real weapons on your hand and you'll
be the best costume of the night...right up until you're arrested.
The mouth is obviously one of those molded ones that's part of the
mask and doesn't actually open or close; it's just permanently fixed
in that awkward grimace. You'd be better off putting actual makeup
on your face. And the hat? Forget that styrofoam/plastic piece of shit. You
can go to a thrift store and find yourself a decent looking Freddy
fedora for a couple bucks.
The one on the right actually has all four of his finger blades, and he's
also decided to forego the crappy and unconvincing plastic hat. But
something about his face is off as well. He looks more like a
diseased potato than a burn victim. And what's with that one super
long tooth? Did two of his teeth fuse together to form a super
powerful Übertooth?
I still say if you want a good Freddy Krueger look, either cover
your face in real make-up, or if you want to go super authentic, you
could always dip your head into a fry vat.
Jason Voorhees
I don't even know why costume places even bother to show you more
than the mask and the machete, because we all know that's usually all that's
going to be included in the package. But that's okay, because
anybody can rip up a shirt on their own and you've pretty much got
everything else you need. The one on the left doesn't look half bad,
but those bugged out eyes are freaking me out. Either you never see
his eyes at all, or you just see his one good eye. Still, it's a pretty
solid mask. The guy behind it just needs to be a little less excited
about wearing it.
The one on the right almost looks like a Saturday morning cartoon
version of Jason Voorhees. The mask is a little too small for the
comically oversized squishy head sticking out around it, and what's
with those bright yellow gloves? Was Jason doing some gardening
before he decided it was time to kill some more people? At least
make 'em look torn up and damaged! But you've
got to love the horribly fake blood and the crappy ribs drawn on the
shirt. This guy couldn't even be bothered to rip the shirt and have
slightly more convincing ribs hiding underneath. Oh no, that was
just too much effort. It looks like he even drew pockets on the
shirt because it didn't have any to start with. You know, for a
catalog picture of a costume, I'd have expected them to at least try
a little harder than this. Don't they want to actually sell
these things!?
Michael Myers
The only really
important thing about a Michael Myers costume is the mask. As long
as the mask looks good, you're set. You could wear a fucking clown
outfit with those big fluffy red poof balls all down the front, and
as long as the mask looks good, you're still going to be creepy.
Hell, that might even be creepier. But what you should really try to
go for is a blue jumpsuit and a fake knife that actually looks like
it could cut through warm butter (in other words, not the one in the
picture).
Here are a couple other Michael Myers masks:
Most Halloween fans are aware that the original Michael Myers mask
was just a mask of William Shatner's face painted white. And you'd
be better off getting a Captain Kirk mask and painting it white
yourself than using either of these, because they're far more
comical than they are scary. The one on the left looks like the
drummer of an 80s rock band after a horrible hairspray accident, and
the one on the right looks more curious than menacing. His eyes are
full of wonder, and he is ready to soak in the world around him and
learn! And everyone but schoolchildren knows that learning is not
scary!
Leatherface
The one thing that's
instantly going to hold back any Leatherface costume is a toy
plastic chainsaw. Nothing says intimidating like two pounds
of bright yellow plastic powered solely by your imagination. The
problem with a real chainsaw is that you're going to get damn tired
of carrying it around after a short while, and you can actually kill
someone with it. Easily. Because real chainsaws are not powered by
the imagination. The creepy thing about Leatherface is you don't
often get a very clear look at his face, which is completely
destroyed by actually going out and wearing a costume with a
Leatherface mask. Still, this mask here is serviceable enough as far
as Halloween masks go. But for the love of God, make sure that you
actually do better than the apron shown here with the obviously
drawn "stitches" going across it. Break out your sewing kit and at
least make them look halfway convincing!
Pinhead
You generally see Pinhead costumes available in mask only, so I
guess the costume companies just assume that you have leather fetish
gear just sort of lying around the house. You're pretty much on your
own there, so good luck. But you'd better find something halfway
fitting, because Pinhead in a cardigan sweater or that free t-shirt
you got from Microsoft during that Windows Vista demo you attended?
Not so intimidating, those.
The thing I find amusing about Pinhead masks is there's almost NO
consistency at all between them as far as color goes. If you search
hard enough you can probably find a Pinhead mask of every color of
the rainbow. Apparently nobody can agree on just what color he
actually IS underneath all that moody lighting.
I've never worn a Pinhead mask myself, but I imagine that having all
those pins poking out and getting in the way every time you have an
itch to scratch has got to be pretty annoying. And if imagining that
isn't annoying enough for you, this will be: most of the Pinhead
masks I found online had disclaimers that the pins do NOT come
attached to the mask. You have to glue them on yourself, and usually before
you do that, you have to paint them if you don't want them to look
like cheap plastic. Enjoy! The one on the left looks kinda like
Death from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, and considering his
expression, it appears as though he's been melvined once
again. I've gotta say, I really do love that
constipated expression on that Pinhead mask to the right. Not
exactly "scary", but if I saw him coming at me with THAT look on his
face, I'd still be running very quickly in the opposite direction
for fear of what might happen when he finally manages to "bang it
out".
And there you have it,
just a small sampling of some of the more popular modern horror
character costumes out there. Just because you're not going to look as good
as the real thing doesn't mean you can't look good—but you're almost
definitely going to have to do some tweaking to improve upon what's
currently available.
Note: There
ARE some really nice looking store-bought costumes of your
favorite modern horror movie monsters, but you'll have to shell out
a small fortune for them. For example:
These "Creature
Reacher" brand costumes look absolutely great in that
oversized cartoony kind of way. Problem is, they'll also set you
back a good $200-$300. But if you have the cash and don't feel like
making a costume yourself, you could do a lot worse than these bad
boys.
