I-Mockery
Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
About Us Store Advertising Contact New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun! New to I-Mockery? Register an account and join in the pickled fun!
Please, don't grab the bag. It's just a catchy name.



 

Modern Movie Monster Costumes!

There are a lot of great iconic modern horror movie monsters that almost everyone can recognize on sight, even if they've never seen a single horror movie in their lives. So naturally, you're going to get more of a reaction by dressing as a familiar character rather than "Random Gothy Guy Who is Supposed to be 'Lord of Darkness' But Actually Looks Like an Angsty High Schooler Who Listens to Nothing But Depeche Mode and Cries a Lot" or "Generic Vampire Slut".

Unfortunately, a lot of these costume recreations have a lot to be desired when compared to their movie counterparts, so their "scare" power is rather limited. Of course, if you're the kind of person who gets scared by Halloween costumes anyway, you'll probably be spending Halloween locked away in a church under a protective pile of Bibles, so you really won't be seeing any of these costumes anyway. But for the rest of us, let's take a look at costumes of some of the more familiar modern horror movie icons and see how they stack up against the real thing.


Freddy Krueger



Here are two different versions of Freddy. Let's take a look at the one on the left first. Something about this just isn't quite right. The face doesn't look so bad, apart from being lopsided, but anytime you're dealing with a character that brandishes a sharp weapon, the costume is going to be an inevitable disappointment. Granted, a glove covered in obvious plastic blades isn't quite as noticeable as something large like a fake machete, but it still looks pretty weak. Also, I think he's missing a blade. But of course, if you go into a party or out on the street with real weapons on your hand and you'll be the best costume of the night...right up until you're arrested. The mouth is obviously one of those molded ones that's part of the mask and doesn't actually open or close; it's just permanently fixed in that awkward grimace. You'd be better off putting actual makeup on your face. And the hat? Forget that styrofoam/plastic piece of shit. You can go to a thrift store and find yourself a decent looking Freddy fedora for a couple bucks.

The one on the right actually has all four of his finger blades, and he's also decided to forego the crappy and unconvincing plastic hat. But something about his face is off as well. He looks more like a diseased potato than a burn victim. And what's with that one super long tooth? Did two of his teeth fuse together to form a super powerful ‹bertooth?

I still say if you want a good Freddy Krueger look, either cover your face in real make-up, or if you want to go super authentic, you could always dip your head into a fry vat.


Jason Voorhees



I don't even know why costume places even bother to show you more than the mask and the machete, because we all know that's usually all that's going to be included in the package. But that's okay, because anybody can rip up a shirt on their own and you've pretty much got everything else you need. The one on the left doesn't look half bad, but those bugged out eyes are freaking me out. Either you never see his eyes at all, or you just see his one good eye. Still, it's a pretty solid mask. The guy behind it just needs to be a little less excited about wearing it.

The one on the right almost looks like a Saturday morning cartoon version of Jason Voorhees. The mask is a little too small for the comically oversized squishy head sticking out around it, and what's with those bright yellow gloves? Was Jason doing some gardening before he decided it was time to kill some more people? At least make 'em look torn up and damaged! But you've got to love the horribly fake blood and the crappy ribs drawn on the shirt. This guy couldn't even be bothered to rip the shirt and have slightly more convincing ribs hiding underneath. Oh no, that was just too much effort. It looks like he even drew pockets on the shirt because it didn't have any to start with. You know, for a catalog picture of a costume, I'd have expected them to at least try a little harder than this. Don't they want to actually sell these things!?


Michael Myers

The only really important thing about a Michael Myers costume is the mask. As long as the mask looks good, you're set. You could wear a fucking clown outfit with those big fluffy red poof balls all down the front, and as long as the mask looks good, you're still going to be creepy. Hell, that might even be creepier. But what you should really try to go for is a blue jumpsuit and a fake knife that actually looks like it could cut through warm butter (in other words, not the one in the picture).

Here are a couple other Michael Myers masks:



Most Halloween fans are aware that the original Michael Myers mask was just a mask of William Shatner's face painted white. And you'd be better off getting a Captain Kirk mask and painting it white yourself than using either of these, because they're far more comical than they are scary. The one on the left looks like the drummer of an 80s rock band after a horrible hairspray accident, and the one on the right looks more curious than menacing. His eyes are full of wonder, and he is ready to soak in the world around him and learn! And everyone but schoolchildren knows that learning is not scary!


Leatherface

The one thing that's instantly going to hold back any Leatherface costume is a toy plastic chainsaw. Nothing says intimidating like two pounds of bright yellow plastic powered solely by your imagination. The problem with a real chainsaw is that you're going to get damn tired of carrying it around after a short while, and you can actually kill someone with it. Easily. Because real chainsaws are not powered by the imagination. The creepy thing about Leatherface is you don't often get a very clear look at his face, which is completely destroyed by actually going out and wearing a costume with a Leatherface mask. Still, this mask here is serviceable enough as far as Halloween masks go. But for the love of God, make sure that you actually do better than the apron shown here with the obviously drawn "stitches" going across it. Break out your sewing kit and at least make them look halfway convincing!



Pinhead



You generally see Pinhead costumes available in mask only, so I guess the costume companies just assume that you have leather fetish gear just sort of lying around the house. You're pretty much on your own there, so good luck. But you'd better find something halfway fitting, because Pinhead in a cardigan sweater or that free t-shirt you got from Microsoft during that Windows Vista demo you attended? Not so intimidating, those.

The thing I find amusing about Pinhead masks is there's almost NO consistency at all between them as far as color goes. If you search hard enough you can probably find a Pinhead mask of every color of the rainbow. Apparently nobody can agree on just what color he actually IS underneath all that moody lighting.

I've never worn a Pinhead mask myself, but I imagine that having all those pins poking out and getting in the way every time you have an itch to scratch has got to be pretty annoying. And if imagining that isn't annoying enough for you, this will be: most of the Pinhead masks I found online had disclaimers that the pins do NOT come attached to the mask. You have to glue them on yourself, and usually before you do that, you have to paint them if you don't want them to look like cheap plastic. Enjoy! The one on the left looks kinda like Death from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, and considering his expression, it appears as though he's been melvined once again. I've gotta say, I really do love that constipated expression on that Pinhead mask to the right. Not exactly "scary", but if I saw him coming at me with THAT look on his face, I'd still be running very quickly in the opposite direction for fear of what might happen when he finally manages to "bang it out".

And there you have it, just a small sampling of some of the more popular modern horror character costumes out there. Just because you're not going to look as good as the real thing doesn't mean you can't look goodóbut you're almost definitely going to have to do some tweaking to improve upon what's currently available.

-Protoclown

Note: There ARE some really nice looking store-bought costumes of your favorite modern horror movie monsters, but you'll have to shell out a small fortune for them. For example:

Creature Reachers!

These "Creature Reacher" brand costumes look absolutely great in that oversized cartoony kind of way. Problem is, they'll also set you back a good $200-$300. But if you have the cash and don't feel like making a costume yourself, you could do a lot worse than these bad boys.
 


If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:


Cheap Costume: Jason X!


SUGGEST THIS TO A FRIEND!
Recipient Email Address:
Your Name:
Your Email Address:
      


back