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The 2007 Richmond Zombie Walk!

We're coming up on the end of October, and that means another Richmond Zombie Walk has come and gone. Since we go the same route every year, there's really only so much I can say without repeating myself, but I will try to focus on this year's highlights without retreading the past.

First and foremost, I want to point out that we had our biggest turnout yet this year, with anywhere from 210-230 zombies. It's hard to count when they won't stop shuffling around, and every year a few zombies get it in their half-rotted brains that they're going to skip the initial meet-up and just hook up with us as we roll through the streets (well, street, anyway) of Carytown.

Also this year, they were taking donations for the American Cancer Society, and each zombie was encouraged to donate five dollars. The total donations collected amounted to $325, so let's do the math here... let's see, carry the one... divide by pi... y=mx+b... and I am forced to conclude that zombies are a bunch of cheapass bastards! I mean, come on, this means on average each zombie donated about a buck fifty! If I'd known this was going to be the case, I would have gladly donated more. I don't mean to complain (no wait, yes I do), but I certainly hope that next year the undead horde can be bothered to cough up a bit more in the way of donations. Or I might just have to go next year as a zombie hunter.

This year I decided on being a Star Trek "red shirt" for my costume theme, because I figured those guys were getting knocked off so often on the show there's bound to be zombie versions of them running around. However, since finding a costume version of the old school series red shirt under $50 was proving difficult, and I didn't feel like doing any sewing, I decided to go with the Next Generation style red shirt. My roommate, who is a far bigger nerd than me, pointed out that in Next Generation it was the command crew rather than the cannon fodder that wore red, but I figure that there have to be high ranking zombies too.

Zombie Santa had to be one of my favorites, and clearly he was a hit with the organizers too, as he won the zombie themed costume contest. He carried with him a big sack full of human body parts, to the delight of all the zombie girls and boys.

Speaking of our organizers, here are our two fearless undead leaders: Anthony and Josh, Anthony sporting his usual "dead mason" look (and you really can't go wrong with that even though some variety mixed in with the mason hat each year would be nice), and Josh going for a zombie barber theme, complete with a victim/customer who stayed close by for most of the walk. You never know when you're going to need to slice someone's head open on short notice with your clippers, after all. Anyway, these are the guys who keep the unruly, bloody mob under control, and they do a fine job of it.

This guy was definitely one of the more bloody zombies out there that day. I tried to bloody up my costume, but wouldn't you know it, the red blood hardly showed up on the red costume. This guy was smart: he knew to wear white for maximum gore effect.

This costume was actually kind of unnerving, looking almost like one of those creepy nurses from the "Silent Hill" series of games. The bandage covering most of her face was a very nice touch, and she had one of the better grey flesh tones going for her as well.

But really, does it get any scarier than a clown zombie? I mean, aren't clowns scary enough already? She had a horn she would honk occasionally too, in between undead wails of agony. Next to her we have a zombie break dancer, who played a special zombie mix tape on her... well, I hesitate to call anything with Strawberry Shortcake all over it a "boombox".

Again this year, we had special "victims" planted in the crowd, who the zombies would run up and "attack" en masse, quickly slapping makeup and fake blood all over them. I didn't actually witness this in person, but from the picture it looks pretty damn good!

And here's our newly created zombie victim, ready to get up and start walking with the rest of us.

Some zombies didn't even need to walk, however. These girls had on roller-skates, combining the classic style of a Romero zombie with the dangerous speed of a "28 Days Later" zombie.

This zombie bride had a great costume, but more important than that: look at her face! Holy shit! She's the best zombie actor of the bunch! If I didn't know any better, I'd say a real zombie snuck into the mix! Seriously, this zombie had some real dedication to staying in character. Also, longtime readers of the site may be interested to spot occasional guest I-Mockery writer Jaeger S. Meistersen in the back, toward the center.

Zombie Pope was also a favorite of mine. And he looks sort of lost and confused as he hobbles around, just like our last pope did in his final years!

But the pope wasn't the only religious icon we had with us! Jesus walked among us as well, and the best part of it was that he wasn't covered in blood at all, and didn't lurch and shuffle like the common rank and file zombies. No, Jesus walked calmly, and with grace, smiling and waving to the onlookers as if riding a parade float.

There were two different zombie mothers pushing strollers at the walk. This one had blood running all down her legs as if the baby was some horrible zombie miscarriage.

Speaking of which, I never realized a baby doll could be so creepy. But just look at that thing! LOOK AT IT!!!

Sucker. Now it's going to haunt your dreams tonight.

This guy had some fantastic face makeup, with exposed skull and flesh dangling off his cheek.

Zombie Groucho Marx had a great dangling eye going for him. I saw one girl lick it.

This guy was so dedicated to the Zombie Walk, he actually gouged out his eye with a pencil to make his makeup seem more realistic.

Finally, our Zombie Walk had the ingredient we've been missing the previous two years: a zombie gladiator! All we need now is a Viking and I can retire. Though we did have a girl wearing a Viking helmet this year... but she was also wearing street clothes, which does not a true Viking make.

And of course, what Zombie Walk would be complete without Hunter S. Zombie? He shows up every year, and I think he'd be missed at this point if he didn't.

We invaded the library at Virginia Commonwealth University again this year, to be met once again with angry glares of far-too-serious-and-important-for-this-nonsense students who couldn't be bothered with our immature antics. I prefer to think of it as a room full of mostly boring people got invaded by a crowd of mostly interesting people and suddenly felt woefully inadequate.

Truly, our Zombie Walk organizers know how to ride in style...

After the Walk, my friends and I went back to the parking lot where the group originally met up so that we could get our vehicles, and we happened to notice this car just sitting there, begging for us to pose for a picture. We later learned that it was Zombie Santa's car, which seems appropriate, since he was clearly one of the most dedicated Zombie Walkers.

All in all this year's Zombie Walk was another great experience, though one thing I definitely did miss was the mummies who randomly appeared last year. Rumor had it they were going to make another appearance, but I guess they must've been held up in traffic or something. Anyway, the way this event is growing every year, I'm confident that it's going to remain a regular Richmond event for years go come. If you don't have a Zombie Walk in your area, go to zombiewalk.com and see about setting one up yourself. It's worth it just for the puzzled, angry, or delighted looks you'll receive for covering yourself in fake blood, staggering down the street and groaning like you've got problems.


-Photographs taken by Scott Tankersley, Tim Rahto, Nell Murphy, and David Bridges. Thanks to all!

-For more zombie walk planning visit www.zombiewalk.com


You found Scary-Ass Trading Card #16!
*copy this URL down, you'll need it once you've found all 19 cards!*

A workingman's actor, he had over 500 screen credits at the time of his death. Between serious outings on stage, where he was twice nominated for a best actor Tony, and on screen where he appeared in such notable films as "A Tale of Two Cities" and "THX1138", he'd take any old grade Z-horror film that came along. Perhaps best remembered today as Dr. Sam Loomis of the "Halloween" movie Franchise, his distinctive voice rendered the word 'evil' in at least seven syllables.

Find all 19 Series II "Scary-Ass Trading Cards" this September and October (2007) and you'll not only get a special secret final 20th card emailed to you, but you'll automatically be entered to win a Halloween prize pack from I-Mockery! Cards will be placed in random new I-Mockery articles during the months of September and October. Simply copy the URLs of each card down into a text file whenever you find them.

Once you have collected the URLs of all the cards, simply email them to webmaster@i-mockery.com with the subject line "I-Mockery's Scary-Ass Trading Cards!" and you will have the special 20th card emailed to you and you'll be entered to win a Halloween prize pack which may include masks, DVDs and more! Remember, the cards MUST say "Series II" on them or they will not be counted.

Do NOT email the actual card graphics to us. We only want you to email us the URLs of all the cards which you can find directly underneath them.


If you enjoyed this piece, be sure to check out:

The 2006 Richmond Zombie Walk!


The 2005 Richmond Zombie Walk!