Yeah, yeah, yeah...
The Beastmaster isn't technically a horror movie, but it's got
enough horrific moments in it (besides the acting) to be mentioned on
this list. From sacrificing children, to killing pregnant mothers, to
turning men into mindless gimps who flail around while making sparks
on everything they slam their gauntlets on, to drowning ferrets in
quicksand... this movie has plenty of horror. So there you have it.
It's an action-adventure-horror flick. Furthermore, it was created by
one of my all-time favorites horror directors - Don Coscarelli from
the Phantasm series.
Anyway, The Beastmaster
is basically about three basic things. First off, The Beastmaster
(Dar) is played by Marc Singer. Now for some reason I always used to
get him and Kevin Bacon mixed up. Granted he's a lot bigger than Kevin
Bacon, but they definitely have similar faces. I can't be the only one
who thinks this. Well, Dar has this special bond with animals. It's
nothing sexual, but they sure are all keen on one another. He's got an
eagle, a panther, and a pair of ferrets who help him on his many
The other thing you'll
find abundant in The Beastmaster is people who seemingly hate clothes.
The Men are all in loin cloths and the women are either bathing naked
in a pond, or barely covered by some shredded fabrics.
The final thing you'll
find in The Beastmaster is action and gore. Now there are plenty of
great characters in the movie with some impressive costumes, but none
scared the bejesus out of me like the Birdmen. Ah yes, the infamous
Nest of the Birdmen scene...
So Dar heads on up to
the top of this mountain where he sees some weird glowing lights
hanging from a tree. It's never revealed what they are, but I'm
guessing they're some kind of cocoons. Aside from finding a boiling
cauldron of human heads, he finds a midget in a trap hanging from a
Soon after, Dar realizes
that he's now surrounded by some strange creatures. The Birdmen! Dar
sets the midget free and he tries to run away, but one of the Birdmen
catches him. Dar can't help but watch the slaughter in disgust...
catching the poor lil' fella in it wings, the Birdman creates a vacuum
of sorts around him that he can't possibly escape from. Then we start
to hear all sorts of nasty, gelatinous sounds, and you just know it
can't be good news for that guy...
Poor guy can struggle
all he wants, but when in the Birdman's grasp, there is no escape!
Oh it's not over, not
just yet. That's right, it's Slime Time! Slowly but surely, the flesh
of our lil' dwarf pal is being dissolved into dripping piles of green
goo. Kinda makes you wonder if there's gonna be anything left of him,
Unless those are someone
else's bones being dropped to the ground, I believe that pretty much
answers the question about what happened to that guy now doesn't it?
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