A friend of mine got me
The Brain That Wouldn't Die on DVD as a gift some time ago, and
I finally got around to watching it recently. Cheesy doesn't even
begin to describe this one, which I guess explains why it was on
an episode of MST3K. The main premise centers around the fact that a
Dr. Frankenstein-esque Dr. Cortner is obsessed with his work involving
tissue transplanting and regeneration, and we know this because in the
first scene he and his father have an intensely over-acted
argument about it, after which he decides to take his fiancée on a
"weekend getaway" which involves further working on his research.
During the drive, for some inexplicable reason, Dr. Cortner decides he
just has to speed up and starts taking the hairpin turns on the curvy
road at a reckless thirty, maybe forty miles per hour. It's on one of
the straight-as-an-arrow sections of road that he loses control of his
vehicle by swerving to avoid something they didn't have the budget to
show us, hitting a guard rail and knocking him from the car while
somehow decapitating his fiancée. Don't worry, nothing else in the
movie makes sense either.
He wraps her head up in
his sportcoat and we're treated to what feels like twenty agonizing
minutes of his trek-on-foot to his lab portrayed in real time. In
fact, just so we understand how difficult his journey is, he's sure to
take plenty of breaks that we have to sit through for god knows how
Once back in the lab, he
hooks his fiancée's head up to a bunch of beakers and tubing, which
can obviously preserve her in an unnatural living state for up to
around forty-eight hours.
Soon Dr. Cortner
ostensibly goes off in search of a replacement body but he really just
ends up watching a bunch of dancing girls and accomplishing nothing.
As this occurs, his fiancée begs for death to no one in particular and
befriends the mysterious "creature" in the closet, whom she learns is
some kind of mutant based on Cortner's previous experiments. She bets
the mutant that she is far more horrific than it is, and even the most
retarded member of the audience would know to bet against her at this
Eventually Dr. Cortner returns with a fresh body for his fiancée, and
the mutant in the closet, having been egged on by the bitchy head,
breaks free and attacks!
During the ensuing
scuffle, the lab catches on fire, the mutant bites off part of Dr.
Cortner's neck (though it looks more like his cheek to me), and takes
the replacement-body-girl out of the building, leaving everyone else
to burn to death.
SCARY-ASS TRADING CARD #12!
COLLECT ALL 19 SERIES II CARDS
FOR A SPECIAL 20TH CARD!
*copy this URL
down, you'll need it once you've found all 19 cards!*
Robert Bloch wrote the
script, William Castle Directed, but it's really Joan Crawford's
picture, and she rocks as a reformed axe murderess who's having a
really hard time kicking the habit. Crawford did crazy better
than just about any star of her era, and in a picture like this that
was never going to garner an Oscar anyway, there's nothing to hold her
Find all 19 Series II "Scary-Ass
Trading Cards" this September and October (2007) and you'll not only get a
special secret final 20th card emailed to you, but you'll automatically be
entered to win a Halloween prize pack from I-Mockery! Cards will
be placed in random new I-Mockery articles during the months of
October. Simply copy the URLs of each card down into a text file
whenever you find them.
Once you have
collected the URLs of all the cards, simply email them to
email@example.com with the subject line
"I-Mockery's Scary-Ass Trading Cards!" and you will have the
special 20th card emailed to you and you'll be entered to win a
Halloween prize pack which may include masks, DVDs and more!
Remember, the cards MUST say "Series II" on them
or they will not be counted.
NOT email the actual card
graphics to us. We only want you to email us the URLs of
all the cards which you can find directly underneath them.
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