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Creepshow was easily one
of my favorite horror collections when I was a kid, so it was only
natural that I was extremely excited when they released the sequel.
Now in both movies there are a ton of great moments... Stephen King
blowing his brains out, Ted Danson drowning Leslie Nielsen, and much
more. But out of all the stories in both movies, one has always stood
out in my mind over the years. And that one is "The Raft" from
Creepshow 2.
So a bunch of teenagers
are cruisin' down the highway, smokin' some dope and lookin' for
whatever thrills await them. It's your typical horror movie gang...
jock guy, slut girl, nerdy guy, and timid girl. They soon pull the car
up to a lake and decide to hop in for a swim. This gives the viewers a
chance to view jocko in his speedo. Lovely.
Anyway, they're all
swimming towards the raft in the middle of the lake when nerdboy
notices a duck off in the distance. The duck is quacking madly and
appears to be struggling to stay on the surface of some strange
substance floating in the water.
They all make it to the
raft, but notice that this strange substance was moving directly
towards them. They theorize that it's an oil slick at first, but I
don't know too many oil slicks that look like this nasty, chunky mass
of floating crap.
So nerdboy worries more
and more about the blob that is hanging out near their raft, while
jockboy and slutgirl are only concerned with getting stoned and
getting it on. The other girl, however, appears to be a bit too
curious when it comes to the floating mass. She sticks her finger in
it and before you know it, it grabs onto her and yanks her in. It then
lifts her up into the air so her friends can all see her as she
screams about how much "It burns! It burns!!!" No, she's not
turning into Gollum, she's really in pain.
Next on the ol'
smorgasbord is jock-o. He makes the mistake of stepping on one of the
cracks on the raft. You remember that old rhyme "step on a crack,
break your momma's back" right? Well, I don't know about this guy's
momma, but he sure fucked himself up pretty bad. The blob grabs
him from under the raft and turns his foot into a pulsating hideously
bloody mess. That's one hell of a case of athlete's foot. Get it? GET
IT? Hey, it's 2am, and I haven't slept in quite a while and I think
that was pretty damned funny. Yes, yes it was. Anyway, the blob then
yanks him down through the wood, snapping his leg a full 180
degrees upward.
So, the only two left
are nerdboy and slutgirl. They decide to stay awake in shifts while
avoiding the cracks in the raft. But hormones get the best of our
nerdboy friend, and he decides to become "MISTAR BOOBIES INSPECTOR!"
while slutgirl is fast asleep. He's so enthralled with her cleavage
that he doesn't even notice that he accidentally laid her face down on
one of the cracks! So slutgirl wakes up to find her face covered in
burning goo.
I hope checkin' out
her rack was worth it nerdboy. I'm sure she thinks it was!
Well, nerdboy decides to
jump off the raft and make a swim for it while the blog is still
digesting slutgirl. He actually makes it to shore just before the blob
reaches him. He then cackles with glee as he points at the blob, "I
BEAT YOU! HAHAHA! I BEAT YOU!"
The blob then jumps into
the air and lands on nerdboy. I cannot tell you how hard I was
laughing the first time I saw that, and it is because of this that
The Raft is by far my favorite out of all the Creepshow tales.
Gory, hilarious, and a total classic!
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