From Dusk Till Dawn
is your typical cheesy vampire movie, but this one is directed by
Robert Rodriguez so it's perhaps a little more fun than some of the
others out there. One of the things that really stands out for me in
the movie (aside from the obvious Salma Hayek dance) is the ridiculous
"cock gun" that one of the characters (named Sex Machine, no less
- played by the goremaster himself, Tom Savini)
brandishes menacingly and later uses in the film.
Call me crazy, but my dick is about the last place I would want to
attach a weapon of any kind. I imagine the recoil on that thing
probably feels like a mule kicked you in the nuts. In any event, Sex
Machine doesn't seem concerned about it overly much, because he's
prepared to feel that mule kick at the drop of at hat, as much as he
whips that gun out. It's clearly not the absolute last resort it
When we first see ol' Sex Machine, he's sitting at a table in the
Titty Twister strip club thirstily eyeing the drink of someone sitting
across from him. He takes a little whip, snaps it over and grabs the
other guy's drink, and then begins to enjoy the refreshing beverage
himself. Well, that concept isn't too popular with "James Hetfield",
so he pulls out a switchblade and sticks it out in front of his face
in a threatening manner. Sex Machine responds by glancing down at his
crotch, at which point his Cock Gun (complete with two
cylinders which simulate balls) springs erect as if to say "Hello!",
causing Mr. Hetfield to back down. At this point we realize that we
just might be seeing more of this wacky character later!
The next time we see the
Cock Gun is after the vampires who operate the bar have revealed
themselves, and the bartender (played by the ubiquitous Danny Trejo)
is lunging towards Sex Machine for the kill.
Sex Machine seems
worried for a moment, as if he's forgotten all about his Cock Gun, but
a moment later, he looks down at his crotch and it pops up and fires a
shot at the vampire, blasting him across the room (something a lot of
guys seem to wish their real dick could do, only with a girl instead
of Danny Trejo).
What I want to know is,
how does he control the damn thing? He just looks down at it and it
pops up and shoots. The first time he does it his hands are clearly
occupied (one holding the whip and the other holding the drink), so
it's not like there's some finger trigger. Maybe he actually has to
use his dick to activate the gun? In that case, I'll bet he does Kegel
exercises every day.
Though his Cock Gun does try its best to defend him, eventually Sex
Machine is bitten by the vampires and becomes one himself, and he is
later killed by George Clooney. With a whip. Just to add insult to
injury. George however does not enjoy an ice cold beverage out of Sex
Machine's head after pulling it off his body; he simply kicks it
across the floor.
There are naturally
plenty of other cheesy moments in this movie, but nothing sticks out
in my mind as being quite so ridiculous as the Cock Gun. As far as
inventions go, the Cock Gun should certainly hold a place of high
honor in the Gallery of Bad Ideas.
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