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Man's Best Friend

Forget about Cujo, because I am all about Man's Best Friend when it comes to canine carnage. It's a horror flick from 1993 about a genetically enhanced psycho dog named Max and it's filled with a wide variety of ultra-cheesy kills. Everything from the dog pissing a corrosive acid on some poor bastard's face to a hilariously cliché encounter with the local mailman. And let's not forget that for such a cheesy flick, it still has a solid cast what with Lance Henriksen and Ally Sheedy in starring roles.

But out of all the great kills in this movie, there is one that stands so far above the rest it should be in a separate movie all its own. Why? Because I could watch this scene over and over again for 24 hours straight and never tire of it. So let's take a gander at why I really consider Man's Best Friend to be an unsung masterpiece of horror cheese...

Dog and rollerblades. A modern version of the horse and buggy.

So these two kids are enjoying a nice afternoon of biking and roller-blading, complete with Max the psycho dog giving one of them a tow. Everything is going just fine until they notice the cat.

It's apparently a mean old cat named "Boo" and it's scratched one of the kids before. As soon as the cat sees the two kids and Max, it immediately starts growling at them. An evil smile overcomes both of the kids as they look at each other. We know exactly what they're thinking, and in an instant, they take the leash off Max and sick him after Boo. At first, Boo makes a valiant run down the street away from Max, but psycho dog is still in hot pursuit. So, Boo opts for the one feline escape route that no dog has ever been able to follow. The trees!

Only problem is, this is no ordinary dog we're talking about. This is Max, the acid pissing dog. This is Max, the dog that can jump fences over seven feet high. And, yes, this is Max, the dog who has retractable claws just like a cat and can therefore climb any tree he damn well pleases. Sure enough, Max climbs up the tree and soon has Boo cornered. The look of shock and utter hopelessness on Boo the cat says it all; he has nowhere to hide anymore and it's time to face the reaper.

For any of you who are cat lovers, this is probably your worst nightmare. For any of you who are dog lovers, or simply cat haters, this is probably a dream come true. Behold the greatest moment of Man's Best Friend:

That's right, the dog doesn't just maim the cat or break its neck with one swift bite... nope, he swallows Boo the cat whole. Just take a listen to the fantastic sounds of Boo being swallowed and you'll fall in love with this scene before even actually watching it. Tell me that's not one of the greatest things you've ever seen. You can't. And you know why? Because it IS one of the greatest things you've ever seen.

Naturally, to end this glorious scene, the two kids start blaming each other for sicking Max on Boo the cat and then they run away as fast as they can, worried that he'll eat them next. If only they made a sequel, maybe then we could've seen him swallow a kid whole instead.

And as a special treat, you can view the entire cat consumption scene here:


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If all John Carradine ever did was sire 'Kung' Fu star and human oddity David Carradine, that would have been spooky enough. But for a generation, Carradine was not satisfied to father an acting clan, not satisfied to be a classically trained Shakespearean actor with perfectly legitimate screen credits including "The Grapes of Wrath" and "Captains Courageous". He was Hollywood's go to Crazy Old Guy in both Westerns and over 100 horror films including the legendarily bad "Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula".

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a horrible night indeed! :o