version of The Fly was one of the first real horror movies I
ever attempted to watch all the way through by myself. I must have
been about ten or eleven years old at the time, and I'd taped it off
the television a year or two after its theatrical release. I remember
getting through most of the movie without much of a problem, but then
at the very end there was one scene where I had to close my eyes.
Looking at it now, it all seems kind of silly, but to my decade old
eyes, that was the stuff from which nightmares were made.
In the film, Jeff
Goldblum plays creepy scientist with bad hair Seth Brundle, who falls
for journalist with even worse hair Geena Davis. Most of you know the
story: scientist gets too wrapped up in his own work, performs
reckless experiment and becomes horribly mutated into a human-fly
hybrid as a result. Of course, he just wants his girlfriend to see him
for what he is on the inside and love him anyway, so he kind of goes
crazy at the end and decides he wants her to have his fly babies or
Throughout the course of
the film, we see Brundle slowly mutate into a freakish abomination as
body parts start falling off (who can forget seeing his testicles in a
jar?), he learns he can stick to walls, and he needs to spit up a
corrosive enzyme in order to externally digest his food. When Brundle
kidnaps his former girlfriend and decides he's going to use his
teleporter technology to merge him, her, and their unborn child into
one fucked up entity, his girlfriend's former lover shows up to save
the day, only to have his hand and foot melted by Brundlefly's acidic
That scene was hard
enough for me to get through as a child, but somehow I managed to
endure the whole thing. It was what came next that I couldn't handle.
While dragging his girlfriend away, she grabs his jaw and manages to
rip it off, prompting his final transformation.
He sloughs off his skin
to reveal his fully transformed Brundlefly self underneath. As a
child, this terrified me. It wasn't the sight of his skin peeling away
that scared me so badly; rather, I think it was the anticipation of
seeing his final form that freaked me out so much. I had imagined it
would be far more horrific than it actually was, but even so, this
remains an awesome classic horror movie sequence.
And you know, come to
think of it, it is still pretty damn gross.
SCARY-ASS TRADING CARD #17!
COLLECT ALL 19 SERIES II CARDS
FOR A SPECIAL 20TH CARD!
*copy this URL
down, you'll need it once you've found all 19 cards!*
Penciled by comics'
legend Wally Wood and painted by pulp sensation Norm Saunders, this
1962 series of collectable bubble gum Mars Attacks trading
cards told the story of a Martian invasion. The brief text on the back
of each card and the fact that the cards were stand-alone, not tied to
any movie, book or product, gave the experience an eerie newsreel-like
quality. In 1996, Tim Burton would make it into a very long,
deliberately bad film.
Find all 19 Series II "Scary-Ass
Trading Cards" this September and October (2007) and you'll not only get a
special secret final 20th card emailed to you, but you'll automatically be
entered to win a Halloween prize pack from I-Mockery! Cards will
be placed in random new I-Mockery articles during the months of
October. Simply copy the URLs of each card down into a text file
whenever you find them.
Once you have
collected the URLs of all the cards, simply email them to
firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line
"I-Mockery's Scary-Ass Trading Cards!" and you will have the
special 20th card emailed to you and you'll be entered to win a
Halloween prize pack which may include masks, DVDs and more!
Remember, the cards MUST say "Series II" on them
or they will not be counted.
NOT email the actual card
graphics to us. We only want you to email us the URLs of
all the cards which you can find directly underneath them.
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