Please don't feed PickleMan
Please don't feed PickleMan
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For those of you who haven't heard of the movie, Versus, it's another Japanese cult film, not unlike Story of Ricky. Instead of people beating each other in a prison, however, Versus is a movie about people beating each other in the forest. Moreover, it's about zombies and people beating each other in the forest. Beyond that, I couldn't tell you much about the plot, as very little attention is given to the story, to the point where none of the characters are even named in the film, apart from the hero ("Prisoner KSC2-303"), the bad guy ("the Man"), and the girl ("the Girl"). I imagine it must be hard to audition for a part in a movie, and have to tell the casting director, "oh yeah, I was in Versus. I played ‘crazy yakuza with amulet.'" Putting aside the plight of the bit players, the movie also had a few funny moments.

Strike a pose!

Here, the bad guy (aka, the Man) is looking around for the zombie he sent to stop the hero and kidnap the girl. Normally, you wouldn't trust such a sensitive mission to a zombie, but his zombies are all experts of the martial arts.

When to get better henchmen.

Not masters, mind you, just experts. The zombie does beat on the hero for a while, but then the hero hits him in the head with a rock. That's neither here nor there, however. Right now, the bad guy is a bit put off that his red-haired underling (who goes by "red-haired assassin," according to IMDB) has failed in his task, especially since he was able to haul himself out of the creek so easily. He goes over for a debriefing.

Buck up, Red.

I didn't think that zombies could be knocked out, but then again, I didn't think that they sulked when they screwed up either. Nevertheless, the bad guy wants his zombie to buck up, and remarks, "It's almost time." Time for what? A secret ritual? A pre-victory barbeque? I don't know. Apparently, it was also time for this:

Hold still, you got a fly on your nose.

He punches right through the zombie's head. Quite an impressive show of force, but after putting his arm up to the elbow into zombie brains, he has another bright idea.

Have you been brushing twice a day?

He pulls his arm back out to examine his handiwork. Wouldn't you? I mean, there have been a few people out there that can punch right through other people, but they're always so blasé about it, like it's an everyday occurrence for them. Well it might be, but I'll bet that the first couple of times that they did it, they took a look, maybe because they lost a ring in there, or something. Anyway, the puncher notices that he's got something stuck on his hand.

Early eye surgery was primitive at best.

He must be new at this. The pros never get eyeballs stuck to their fingers like that. With a little practice, though, he should be making relatively clean holes in his subordinates in no time.

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a horrible night indeed! :o