Please don't feed PickleMan
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Warlock: The Armageddon!

I recently did a feature on the so-so game based off of the Warlock movies (the good ones, anyways), and so it seemed only fitting to show off one of the movies upon which it was based. Warlock: The Armageddon is the sequel that sees the Warlock trying to gather upon magic runestones so as to summon the devil, blah blah blah. The bottom line is that aside from the wonderfully-evil Julian Sands, there are plenty of other things to see in the movie. Indeed, it's difficult to pick just one moment to feature here, but here's one that made me chuckle:

Keep your hands on the wheel!

At the beginning of the film, the Warlock is spawned by the woman who possessed the first stone (a sight to behold, but too long for a standard horror moment), and Satan is kind enough to provide him with a map to the rest of the stones. A map made from the woman's stomach skin. Unfortunately, Satan isn't much of a tanner, and the map eventually dries out and becomes illegible.

Let's "ho" this up a notch.

To remedy this, the Warlock picks up a hitchhiker: Celine, a trashy-looking hobag. Having just recently been kicked out of the last car she was riding in, she lays it on thick trying to work the ol' sex appeal on the Warlock. Double entendres, coy smiles, the works. She even tries to cope a feel, but the Warlock slaps her hand away.


Rejected, she grabs her pocket mirror and tries to clean herself up. She promises the Warlock that once she does, he'll see that it was worth the wait. He is not amused. At that point, she starts ranting about how her hair looks, and how she can't see it in her tiny mirror, and let me tell you, even the Warlock has his limits for nagging. When she finally asks him, "how does it look"...

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

He scalps her with one hand and tosses her hair back to her, quipping "here, see for yourself." She does, and once the initial shock wears off, she starts screaming. At that point, he tosses her out of the car and uses her bloody scalp to revitalize his map:


Pure dynamite. I've got to say, that was quite an impressive feat, ripping out all of her hair in one pull. He is most assuredly Satan's kid.

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a horrible night indeed! :o