In the movie
Wishmaster, the titular creature feeds off the power of wishes,
and with all the subtlety of Senator Palpatine, he tries to persuade
or trick people into wishing for something in his presence, at which
point he twists the wish around and finds some horrible way to kill or
screw over that person by giving them exactly what they wanted, just
not how they wanted it. He's the kind of asshole who when you wish for
a million dollars, ends up killing your mother so you get the money
from her life insurance policy.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, at some point during the movie he
gets tired of playing by his own rules, instead opting to adopt a
"looser interpretation" of what exactly constitutes a wish. At one
point a kid in the morgue stumbles across him peeling the face off
some guy, and the Wishmaster asks him if that is not something he
wishes to see. The guy just kind of stammers, says "Uh-huh" and
vaguely nods, which the Wishmaster decides is close enough to a wish
to mystically sew the guys eyes shut.
Wishmaster just throws the rules completely out the window to the
point that if you say something like "Boy, it sure is warm in here!"
he may well just decide you've just wished to be set on fire.
At one point the Wishmaster (wearing his new human skin that he peeled
off the guy in the morgue) is trying to get into a building, and the
security guard (played by Kane "Voorhees" Hodder) is telling him he can't come in. The Wishmaster tells
the guard to ask him for something, and the guard tells him he wants
him to leave. This forces the Wishmaster to start walking away, and
he's grumbling under his breath about how he must get inside
the building. The guard responds by saying that he'd have to go
through HIM first, and that is something he would LOVE to see, thus
making the Wishmaster grin evilly.
Because in Wishmaster-speak,
that translates to "Boy, I've always wanted to be a plate-glass
window!" And the next thing the guard knows, he's being sucked into
the window behind him, actually becoming part of the glass!
At this point we see a
close-up of the guard's unmoving face, screaming through the glass.
Doesn't he kind of look like Kevin Smith in this shot? I can't help
but imagine a glassy-faced Silent Bob every time I see this.
Since the guard can't
move or do anything except scream—because he's a piece of glass now
you see, although the important lesson to learn from this is that
glass CAN in fact scream if it is alive—the Wishmaster finds it very
easy to just magically pass through the window.
After the Wishmaster is
through and walking away, the guard-of-glass suddenly shatters.
Because apparently when
someone goes through a window, there's actually a five-second delay
before it shatters or breaks in any way. See for yourself: try this
trick in real life by throwing your friend through a plate-glass
window! If it works, they'll be far too amazed to be angry. And if it
doesn't, you'll have plenty of time to make a break for it as they
slowly bleed out all over the floor.
By the way, if you haven't seen Wishmaster for yourself yet,
it's totally worth checking out just to hear the hilarious way the
Wishmaster talks, on top of all the crazy and stupid death scenes.
He's got one of the best trying-so-hard-to-be-creepy-but-failing
voices you'll ever hear, and his bizarre accent only adds to how
insanely silly it is.
YOU FOUND SCARY-ASS TRADING CARD #1!
COLLECT ALL 12 FOR A SURPRISE!
*copy this URL
down, you'll need it once you've found all 12 cards!*
Born in 1948 in Los
Angles, Character actor Michael Berryman is described by all
who know him as one of the nicest guys in Hollywood. But that's not
what you want to know. The only thing you're interested in is called
hypohidrotic ectodermal dysplasia. It's a hereditary condition, and it
messes with the development of hair, nails, sweat glands and teeth,
and it's what makes Berryman look like a demonic hard-boiled egg.
Berryman was managing a Plant store in Venice, CA, when he was
discovered by legendary Special Effects Super genius George Pal. He
debuted in 1975's "Doc Savage: Man of Bronze". He followed up by
playing one of the loonies in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest" but it
was his brilliant performance as the cannibalistic Hillbilly,
Pluto, in Wes Craven's '77 "The Hills Have Eyes" that made him
a household face.
Find all 12 "Scary-Ass
Trading Cards" this October (2006) and you'll not only get a
special 13th card emailed to you, but you'll automatically be
entered to win a Halloween prize pack from I-Mockery! Cards will
be placed in random new I-Mockery articles during the month of
October. Simply copy the URLs of each card down into a text file
whenever you find them.
Once you have
collected the URLs of all 12 cards, simply email them to
firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line
"I-Mockery's Scary-Assed Trading Cards!" and you will have the
special 13th card emailed to you and you'll be entered to win a
Halloween prize pack which may include masks, DVDs and more!
You must send in your emails by November
5th, 2006 to qualify!
NOT email the actual card
graphics to us. We only want you to email us the URLs of
the 12 cards which you can find directly underneath them.
back to previous page