Steez: Welcome back. It's 5:18 on Wednesday afternoon.
Two local hunters are causing concern for Ghoul Action Figures and Rubber
Chicken will be giving tomorrow's forecast. Now let's go to Yertle
Pinkus who's live from Gnar's Marketplace with more shitty news. Yertle?
Yertle:
Thanks Steve. I'm just kickin' it here at Gnar's Marketplace where you can
feel the energy in the air. We've got tens of shoppers from as far as Dupesville
who've come to enjoy in the festivities.
Steez:
My name is Steez. What are some of the things people can expect to
find at Gnar's?
Yertle:
You'll find everything
you need from bags of candy to bags full of bloody swine entrails to make
your Fright Night unique! Want me to pick up some candy for your kids? And if so,
breast implants for my wife; good or bad?
Steez:
Uh? No... Thanks, though. Uh... Can shoppers haggle with the sellers there?
I mean, are prices final? Or... wait... What about your wife?
Yertle:
I've got a shopper here with me. What do you think about my wife getting
giant fake knockers? And maybe some enlarged nipples... You know, the kind
that look like midget fingers?
Shopper: It's a great idea.
Yertle:
Grrrr-reat! And there you have it Steve! I'm looking forward to being here
again next year! Steve, back to you!
Steez:
Damnit my name is STEEZ you jerkoff! STEEZ! Now let's go to Rubber Chicken
for tomorrow's weather. Rubber Chicken?
Rubber
Chicken: *
Steez:
Wait a minute! I'm supposed to barbecue this weekend! Is that western front
going to affect our residents on the hillside?
Rubber
Chicken: *
Steez:
Grand! That's good to know! Thanks for the heads up Rubber Chicken.
Steez:
Two killers, referring to themselves as Jim and Jon Dough, are still on
the loose after being charged with the murder of over 15 Ghoul Action Figures.
The Dough Bros claim they continue
to confuse action figures for wildlife
and accidentally shoot them. At random. Over and over again. While
laughing. Let's go live to the Dough Bros from their secret
hideout in the woods.
Jon Dough:
Heya Steez. I swear to god we thought they were deer! So we shot them. Lots of
times.
Steez:
Didn't you think it was a bit funny when the "deer" were screaming, "STOP
SHOOTING US! WE ARE ACTION FIGURES NOT DEER! PLEASE STOP IT HURTS SO MUCH!"
Jim Dough: Yeah, we thought it was kind of funny. But then
we figured maybe they were a special breed of talking deer indigenous to these parts.
Jon Dough: When
I was a lil' boy I seent my daddy nail his testicles to a piece of particle
board.
Steez: Ladies and gentlemen, we here at Local 11 News
apologize for what you just saw. Let us reassure you that we find no humor
in the death of Action Figures.
Steez: However,
we do advocate the nailing of genitalia to a wooden surface. That's all for today's edition
of Action Figure News. Make sure to eat plenty of candy this year! I'm Steez
Shizle, and from all of us here at Local 11 News, have a Happy Halloween!
- fin -
Missed out on AFA Episode #1? No
Problemo!
CLICK HERE TO CHECK IT
OUT!
A word from the...
"Want to see your action figure in the next episode
of Action Figure Aberration? Despite McClain's army-sized toy collection,
he can only do so much. We're looking for the next big star,
so send
us an email to make shipping arrangements and see your personal action
figure, complete with props to you, on the next episode of Action Figure
Aberration!"
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