Ah yes toys. Without them, our childhood memories would only consist of regurgitating "peaches and cream" flavored Gerber food products and the local church's priest touching you in that "bad place" that mommy and daddy always warned us all about. Well, times are a changin' folks. The He-Mans and the Transformers of yesterday are being replaced with a new breed of toys. No, I'm not talking about the millions of toys being made by Todd McFarlane. No siree, I'm talking about the toys of Boley Corp.
Now with a pretty rainbow logo like that, you just KNOW that you can expect some QUALITY merchandise from these guys. And if that doesn't convince you, well their company slogan surely seals the deal! "Where the action is!" My god that is genius! I think all companies and organizations should use that slogan! They'd do 10 times the business that they normally do if they'd just use a slogan like that! Just think about it...
As you can see, the possibilities are endless...
But besides a great slogan that can reel you in, what does Boley have to offer the youth of today? Well it turns out they have something that no other toy company (to my knowledge) has yet dared to venture into: SUBLIMINAL NAZI MESSAGE TOYS!
Yeah, yeah... I know you think I'm just some fucking geeky web bastard who's probably been staring at his computer screen far too long. But I'm not crazy. A friend of mine knows a guy that works at a "Dollar General" store. If you haven't been to one, they're great for buying cheap cleaning materials and bags of generic nacho chips that expired 5 years ago. Anyway, he picked up this toy and showed it to me and I almost puked with laughter. This toy is so blatantly "hitlerific" (yes, I combined the words "hitler" and "terrific". Amazing, eh?) that you will not believe your eyes:
Yes indeed, Boley has released their "Cool Toys: Racing Game" for everyone to enjoy. But it's more than just a racing game... it's a big, fat, juicy, nazi-licious SWASTIKA! They could have AT LEAST made it going counter-clockwise, which would actually make it an ancient good luck symbol, believe it or not. But nope, it's going clockwise just like the traditional nazi swastika! And just think how many people have probably bought this thing and never even noticed. Pretty scary, eh? Oh, there's plenty more....
Now let's look at where it was made:
Ok, so apparently China has some extremely stupid people working for Boley. Why? Because I don't see how the HELL they didn't notice that the plastic mold for this game was a swastika. If you remove the cardboard inserts and the stickers from it, that's all it is. And I notice that it's copyrighted to Boley in Los Angeles, CA 90021. That's not too far away from 90210... and we all know Aaron Spelling is Satan. So perhaps Boley and Aaron Spelling worked together to created this evil toy? I think it's quite possible.
Naturally, after seeing this toy, I rushed to find out all I could about Boley Corp. So I came across their web site and whaddaya know... the "Cool Toys: Racing Game" isn't listed in their products anywhere! So I sent them a letter, but I STILL haven't received a response from them. Here's the letter:
While not flat-out calling them "NAZIS!", I asked them why it isn't on their site and/or why it has been discontinued. Maybe this way we'll be able to get to the bottom of things. If they ever respond to me, I'll be sure to add their response to this page.
I wasn't going to let Boley's lack of customer support thwart me though! It was time to do some more investigating of their site. "Maybe I can find some other Hitlerific products!", I thought to myself. It was a longshot that a company would put out not one, but TWO blatantly nazi-oriented toys. But guess what... Boley did.
Yes, here we have Boley's assortment of Travel Games. They all look fairly normal and innocent, yes? But wait a second... something about that bottom left one is bugging me. Hey wait a second! No... they couldn't have! They wouldn't dare! DEAR GOD!
As if the swastika toy wasn't enough, now they've got the Star Of David "Pocket Travel Game"! I bet these Boley bastards only sell this toy to Jewish children. I bet the instructions to it say, "HEY KIDS! It's not only a great travel game, but it makes a great sleeve patch for your jackets!" What a bunch of sickos.
How about their Jump Ropes? Do they come with hidden messages to? I bet you they do! They tell the kids "HEY KIDS! It's not only a jump rope, but you can hang someone from a tree with it!" What a bunch of sickos.
And speaking of the kids, just look at Boley's site. It's covered with them. They know they can get their message through to kids. Kids are the most impressionable people out there, and many hate groups target them for that very reason. Boley Corp is obviously no exception to this rule.
I mean really, just look at this dandy little fella. He appears above the words "Profile" on the Boley site's menu. He probably had a promising future in "generic downward camera shot modeling", but then Boley got their hands on him. I just know it. And what happens to an innocent kid like this once he gets his hands on Boley's "Cool Toys: Racing Game" / Swastika? The results, I'm afraid, are catastrophic:
Well folks, they may have converted this kid, but some kids they weren't able to convert. The poor kids who wouldn't become nazis were given other toys from Boley. You can CLICK HERE to read all about the various hazardous toys that Boley put out. Man, these Boley guys really just don't know when to quit, do they? Of course, on their Swastika toy, there's a very distinct warning about it containing pieces that could be a choking hazard. Indeed, they can't have their little neo-nazis choking to death, right?
Well Boley, I'm here to tell you that I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO! You may have already fooled a lot of kids in the past. There may be an army of mini-hitlers out there thanks to your "Cool Toys: Racing Game" / Swastika. You may have a place called "Dollar General" backing you up (and maybe "Dollar General" isn't just a place; maybe it's the rank of one of your nazi officers! "Zeig Heil Dollar General!"). But hear me now: You won't ever make a nazi out of me! You won't ever make a nazi out of anybody again! Your "subliminal" messages have been spotted and you can't fool us! And you can't stop us by putting out other toys that are choking hazards! We won't put them in our mouths! We won't even buy them! We're coming after you Boley! We won't give-up!
SUGGEST THIS TO A FRIEND!
Running a big site like I-Mockery takes a lot o' time and costs moola