WHOAH HO
HO! LOOKEE WHAT COUNT POP FOUND! HE FOUND A KILTED MAN! HEY MISTER KILTY
MCKILT! ARE YOU WEARING ANYTHING UNDERNEATH THAT KILT? HAHAHA! DON'T YOU
LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ASK YOU THAT? THEY ASK YOU THAT BECAUSE THEY HEARD
COUNT POP SAY IT ONCE BACK IN THE 50'S AND THAT JOKE HAS BEEN THE TALK OF
THE TOWN EVER SINCE! YOU SEE, EVER SINCE COUNT POP MADE THAT JOKE, PEOPLE
IN KILTS HAVE STARTED TO NOT WEAR UNDERWEAR! COUNT POP WOULD BET A PEPSI
THAT YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!
HEY
PROTOCLOWN! LOOK AT THIS GUY! HE'S WEARING A KILT! WHY DON'T YOU STICK
YOUR HEAD UP UNDER THERE TO SEE IF HE'S WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR! COME ON
PROTOCLOWN, DON'T BE A LAME-O SQUARE! COUNT POP THINKS IT WOULD BE GROOVY!
OH ALRIGHT, COUNT POP KNOWS YOU WANT TO GO SEE SOME OF THE SUPER PUMPKINS,
SO LET'S GET A MOVE-ON WITH OUR GROOVE-ON!
WEEEEEE
HEEEEEE! HOP INTO THE PUMPKIN-O-LICIOUS FUN, PROTOCLOWN! COUNT POP REALLY
DIGS PUMPKINS OF ALL SIZES! PUMPKINS AND BREASTS! HA HA HA! HA! COUNT POP
IS A LADIES MAN! YES HE IS! COUNT POP CAN GET YOU A DATE IF YOU WANT
PROTOCLOWN! A DATE WITH A PUMPKIN THAT IS! HAHAHAHAHA!
SAY
PROTOCLOWN, THAT LOOKS LIKE A PADDLE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY SOME
PING-PONG WITH YOUR FAVORITE PAL, COUNT POP? HAHAHAHAH! FOOLED YOU AGAIN!
IT'S NOT A PADDLE, IT'S A WARNING SIGN! UH OH! "PLEASE DO NOT HOLD THE
PUMPKINS BY THEIR STEMS, AS THEY TEND TO BREAK OFF." DID YOU READ THAT
PROTOCLOWN? COUNT POP READ IT. COUNT POP THINKS READING IS COOL! READING
IS RADTASTIC! DISCOVER THE FEELING, LEARN TO READ!
WHEN
CHOOSING A PUMPKIN, COUNT POP LIKES TO TAKE HIS TIME. COUNT POP REQUIRES A
MINIMUM OF FIVE HOURS TO EXAMINE EACH AND EVERY PUMPKIN. HOPE YOU BROUGHT
A MAGAZINE TO READ PROTOCLOWN!
THESE
KIDS ARE DOWN WITH THE COUNT POP HYSTERIA THAT'S SWEEPING ACROSS THE
NATION LIKE A SPOOKY HALLOWEEN VACATION! EVEN THEIR DOG LIKES COUNT POP!
GIVE A DOG A BONE? NO. COUNT POP GIVES A DOG A PUMPKIN! HE'LL HAVE TO GO
TO THE GRAVEYARD IF HE WANTS A BONE! HEY PROTOCLOWN? WOULDN'T THAT BE A
SIGHT — SEEING A DOG DIGGING UP SOME BONES IN A GRAVEYARD?? IF WE EVER SEE
ONE DOING THAT WE SHOULD GO RIGHT UP TO IT AND SAY "KNICK KNACK PADDYWHACK,
GIVE A DOG A BONE! THIS OLD MAN CAME ROLLING HOME!" IT WOULD BE THE BEST
OF TIMES!
AFTER
CAREFUL EXAMINATION OF THE PUMPKINS, COUNT POP THINKS HE'S FOUND THE ONE!
WHAT DO YOU THINK PROTOCLOWN? IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PUMPKIN, ISN'T IT?
OH NO!!
WHEN COUNT POP PICKED UP THE PUMPKIN, THE PUMPKIN BROKE APART! GUESS IT
WASN'T MEANT TO BE, EH PROTOCLOWN? IT IS A SAD DAY IN PUMPKINLAND :(
10/23/04 — NEVER FORGET
COUNT POP
WILL PRAY TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF ROCKERICA! MAY IT BE A GUIDE
TO COUNT POP AND PROTOCLOWN IN THEIR DARKEST HOUR! NOW LET'S SING SOME
PATRIOTIC SONGS TO LIFT UP OUR SPIRITS, PROTOCLOWN! "MY COUNTRY TIS OF ME,
SWEET LAND OF ROCKABILLY, OF THEE I PEE! LAND WHERE THE PROTO CRIED, LAND
WHERE OUR PUMPKIN DIED... FROM EVERY PUMPKIN PATCH, LET COUNT POP RING!"
OK
PROTOCLOWN, HOW ABOUT THIS FELLA? HE'S A TALL PUMPKIN WITH YOUR NAME ON
IT! HAHA FOOLED YOU AGAIN! THEY DON'T GROW PUMPKINS THAT SAY YOUR NAME ON
IT, YOU'D HAVE TO USE A MAGIC MARKER TO DO THAT! SILLY PROTOCLOWN, HE
ALWAYS FALLS FOR COUNT POP'S WILDLY RAZOR-SHARP WIT!
COUNT
POP DECLARES THIS TO BE THE GREATEST PUMPKIN IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND!
LOOKEE
HERE PROTOCLOWN! COUNT POP FOUND A BABY PUMPKIN! IT'S NOT EVEN WEARING
DIAPERS LIKE YOU DO! HAHAH! COUNT POP MADE ANOTHER ZINGER! UH OH! COUNT
POP IS HOLDING IT BY THE STEM! DON'T TELL THAT SIGN THAT COUNT POP WAS
BREAKING THE RULES OR IT WILL COME PADDLE US BOTH! HA HA!
THIS SURE
IS ONE FUNKY PUMPKIN, EH PROTOCLOWN? GOSH! I BET IT MAKES ONE HECK OF A
TRIPPY PUMPKIN PIE! DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE PUMPKIN PIE? WELL DO YOU
PROTOCLOWN? NO? OKAY THEN! LET COUNT POP GIVE YOU THE SECRET RECIPE SINCE
COUNT POP IS THE INVENTOR OF PUMPKINS, PIE, AND PUMPKIN PIE!
INGREDIENTS: PIE, PUMPKIN.
STEP ONE:
PUT PUMPKIN IN PIE.
STEP TWO:
EAT PIE!!!!
HAHA
DON'T FRET MY PROTOCLOWNY PROTOCLOWN! THE GOOD COUNT POP WASN'T REALLY
GOING TO STAB YOU! COUNT POP WAS ONLY KIDDING! THIS IS JUST SOME
DECORATIVE CORN! OH COME ON STOP CRYING PROTO! IT WAS JUST A JOKE! DO YOU
WANT PEOPLE TO LAUGH AT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE CRYING LIKE A BABY WHO WAS
ALMOST STABBED WITH DECORATIVE CORN?
HAHAHAH!
SEE? COUNT POP WARNED YOU THAT IF YOU DIDN'T STOP CRYING WE WOULD LAUGH AT
YOU! AND NOW YOU'RE SEEING THAT COUNT POP WASN'T KIDDING! THIS IS MISTER
"I'LL WEIGH YOUR PUMPKIN AND TAKE YOUR MONEY" GUY! HE IS NOW LAUGHING AT
YOU BECAUSE YOU CRIED OVER BEING STABBED WITH THE DECORATIVE CORN! MAYBE
HE SHOULD PUT YOU ON THE PUMPKIN SCALE TO WEIGH HOW MUCH OF A WUSSY YOU
ARE! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! YOU KNOW COUNT POP IS ONLY TEASING, RIGHT
PROTOCLOWN? YOU'RE COUNT POP'S GOOD BUDDY! FRIENDS 4EVER!
WELL
PROTOCLOWN, WE SURE HAD A GOOD TIME AT THE PUMPKIN PATCH DIDN'T WE? COUNT
POP THINKS IT WAS TOTALLY CRACKERJACK COOL! NOW LET'S GO TAKE OUR DOOZIE
OF A PUMPKIN BACK HOME AND PUT ON THE FINAL TOUCHES! AND IF YOU DISAGREE,
YOU'LL HAVE TO TALK TO THE SLEEVE! SEE, PEOPLE RIPPED OFF COUNT POP WHEN
THEY STARTED SAYING "TALK TO THE HAND" A FEW YEARS AGO. COUNT POP
ORIGINALLY SAID "TALK TO THE SLEEVE" BECAUSE COUNT POP'S SLEEVE SAYS "BITE
ME!" BUT GUESS WHAT? THEIR HANDS? THEY DON'T SAY BITE ME! THEY DON'T SAY
ANYTHING EXCEPT "I WASN'T WASHED PROPERLY AFTER THE LAST TIME I USED THE
TOILET!" HA HA HA HA! COUNT POP IS TRULY A DICTIONARY OF DERISION! OH
YEAH!
HEY
BEFORE WE GO INSIDE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BITE COUNT POP, PROTOCLOWN? JUST
LOOK WHERE THE FANGS ON COUNT POP'S SHIRT ARE AND THAT'S WHERE YOU CAN
BITE! GO ON, TAKE A BITE OUT OF YOUR PAL COUNT POP! COME TO WHERE THE
FLAVOR IS! COME TO COUNT POP TOWN — POPULATION: YOUR MOUTH.
OH OK,
SINCE YOU DON'T WANT TO TASTE THE SAVORY POP WITH AN EAGER BITE, COUNT POP
WILL GO AHEAD AND DECORATE YOUR PUMPKIN FOR YOU MISTER FROWNY PROTO! YOU
WAIT JUST A MINUTE AND COUNT POP WILL HAVE A SPOOKY MASTERPIECE READY FOR
YOU TO SEE! MAYBE THEN YOU'LL BE HAPPY ONCE AGAIN!
SUCCESS!!!!!!! LOOK EVERYBODY! PROTOCLOWN IS
HAPPY ONCE AGAIN! COUNT POP HAS SAVED THE DAY!
HOORAY FOR COUNT POP! HOORAY FOR PROTOCLOWN! HOORAY FOR HALLOWEEN! HOORAY
FOR THE INDIANS! HOORAY FOR COUNT POP AGAIN AND AGAIN! HOORAY!!!
THE
END.
Questions or comments about this piece? Email -RoG-
Be sure
to check out the newest Count Pop adventure!
