Another proud Meatatarian representative.

Maybe you can get on the air by trying to pass yourself off as a representative of a Meatatarian organization. I mean, what radio station would risk attracting the ire of a special interest group like theirs? You don’t know, but you certainly hope it’s not the one you’re going to try to get into.

You introduce yourself to the receptionist, and make your case, saying that you need to go on the air immediately to speak on behalf of the plants that are being mercilessly slaughtered each and every minute of the day so that somewhere, a person can have a Caesar salad. A Caesar salad… of death! The receptionist, confused by your unexpected tirade, begins to call for security. Just then, the station manager comes by and asks her how things are going. She explains your story to him and says that she was just about to have you thrown out of the building. The manager, who is transfixed by the receptionist’s boobs, snaps out of his trance and asks her to repeat what she just says. She does so, and when she finishes, he tells her to let you on the air, saying that the station is already in quite a bit of trouble for pissing off PETA when their morning guy did his “rocket turtle” bit, and they don’t need to be hassled by any more special interest groups.

The receptionist leads you to the sound booth where the evening DJ, known as "DJ Slick Hands McGinty", is running his segment in which he humiliates an intern while listeners make song requests. During a commercial break, she goes into the booth and briefs him on the situation. She motions for you to come in and talk with the DJ. He asks you to show him some kind of proof that you belong to this organization you claim to be speaking for. You try to think how you can best do this, and then you remember your trump card. You tell him that you can show him a badge, and then you grab the nude picture of Abe Vigoda and flash him with it. His eyes glaze over for a moment, then he asks you what just happened. You tell him that you just showed him your badge, and that he was about to let you on the air to make your case. He grudging believes you, and shows you to the mic.

DJ Slick Hands McGinty scratchin' tha' mad rhythmz yo.

Once the commercial break is over, the DJ introduces you as a dedicated Meatatarian representative, and that you are here to make a big announcement on behalf of your organization. As soon as he finishes talking, you dismiss your guise of a Meatatarian, and say that you are holding a Halloween Monster Party of biblical proportions at your house, and that everyone is invited. You might be a big supporter of the Meatatarian movement, but the Monster Party is far more important right now! You start to go into greater detail when you notice the DJ attempting to cut you off. You reach into your pocket, tear open the packet of Kool Aid and throw it in his face. He screams as he tries to claw through the haze of Blastin’ Berry Cherry pain. You use the few moments you have left to specify the kinds of food and drinks you’ll have, and the time that your party will begin. A couple of the station’s security guards burst through the door and wrench you from the mic just as you finish, and promptly toss you out of the station.

Now you will have plenty of guests to come and eat the cornucopia of food that the Jolly Green Giant provided. Still, it seems like you’re missing something for your party. Then, it dawns on you: The final step is to find a decent band to play at your party. But what kind of band will you want, pray tell?

YOU'LL WANT:

• A heavy metal band.
   
• A polka band.
   
• A Mexican mariachi band.
   
• An orchestra.